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Starting To Speak And Confused


biloute

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Hi. After over six years of silence, a few months ago I finally confronted what happened to me. It all came pouring out at once, maybe because I'd been denying anything had ever happened, even to myself, for so long. I dealt with it some and talked to a couple of friends, then the overwhelming feelings went away and I thought I was moving on. Until recent events (in other words, a relationship) dredged it all back up again and I've realized it's not over, it just got pushed to the back burner this summer while I was so busy. Now I'm all confused about what to feel because I've had horrible mood swings lately, trying to hash it all out in my head. Sometimes I'm a nervous wreck (particularly at night), sometimes I feel nothing, and sometimes I feel a horrible numbness mixed with emptiness and something else I don't quite know how to explain. Plus, I've been having some problems sleeping lately.

And even though I talked to a couple friends, and even went into the crisis center a couple times, I still don't know what to do. I want to get over it and move on with my life, I just don't know how exactly. And all of this is now compounded with the fact that I'm currently studying in a foreign country where they speak a different language. And even though I can speak the language I don't know if I can express myself adequately enough to get out everything I need to if I do go in to talk to someone here. :blink:

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biloute,

:aswelcomesu:

I am sorry for the things that led you here but I am glad that you found your way to AS. Take your time and look around; I am sure that you will be feeling comfortable and at home in no time. There are so many great people here who will offer you the support and encouragement you are looking for and deserve. I look forward to seeing you around the board.

:hug::tealribbon::hug::tealribbon::hug::tealribbon::hug::tealribbon::hug:

Take good care of yourself, ok?

:notalone::supportu:

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:wave: Biloute, and welcome to AS!

:notalone:

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Welcome. I am new here as well, but everyone seems so friendly and welcoming. I really think this is a great place to talk and feel like your not alone. If you need anything just give a hollar. Take care. Your in my thoughts and prayers

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Hi biloute,

I'm glad you've joined After Silence. I can totally relate to how a relationship can bring everything you thought was settled back to the surface. I think it's totally normal to heal some, rest some, and then resume healing. I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble with sleep. Again, I can relate.

I don't have any simple answer as to what you're to do now, but I think joining AS was a positive step for sure. Here, you can speak with other survivors, all of whom know English either as their first language, or quite fluently. I can understand your hesitation to seek help in a foreign country, but perhaps giving it a try to see if it helps won't hurt?

If you have any questions, feel free to message me. I look forward to seeing you around the site. :):hug:

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hi and welcome to AS :)

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