3 Years Of Silence

[ERFAIL]

Well it was only this year, as an 18 year old, that I finally told my parents what happened over 3 years ago, while I was in Hospital. Somewhere where you should feel safe, I do whatever it takes these days not to end up there, I lie about pain and when I fall off my horses I quickly jump back up on them even if I hurt- I do not want to end up back there.

I feel violated and insecure, I cant get over what happened and there is no justice. Had to tell three police officers the story and still thats not enough. I apparently have to go back again and again to confirm my story to make sure its correct. Why would I lie about such a thing? I dont get it, it hurts reliving it over and over again yet there is no sympathy and they dont care- im past caring point.

My parents are pushing for me to go to the police again tomorrow to go for the next step but i dont think i have the strength for that again. To make it worse, my sexual assualt counsellor is on long service leave, shes been away a montha nd i wont get to see her for another 3 weeks yet. I cry and it hurts, nothing seems to take away the pain.

My only reliefe? I type out daily how im feeling, my parents want me to do this, for the police, for legal reasons, and i do i cry when im typing it but i feel somewhat better once its out there on paper. Yeah maybe half of it is ramble but it makes sense to me.

Sorry for the rant just thought id finfally introduce myself and make a positive step forward

[tuliptorn]

Welcome ERFAIL to AS. :youcanheal: :notalone:

[strongernow2006]

I feel for you. I can totally relate to what your going through. I told my best friend yesterday what had happened three years ago. My post is the one directly above yours i f you care to read my story.

hang in there,

kara

[OnAhead]

I'm sorry for what you had to go through and what you're emduring now with the police. You're really strong for telling your family. I was raped 13 years ago and have still not found the courage to tell my family what happened.

On a lighter note, I also ride horses. Ya for another horse lover!

[angelic]

Hi and welcome to AS

[John]

Hey ERFAIL,

I am 17 years old, I am 18 in afew weeks time, and I, like you have only just recently told my parents what happened to me when I was a child, and I know what a truamatic experience that in itself is and I think you're very strong for going through it

I know how scary it must be for you joining AfterSilence, but I think by joining AfterSilence you're doing the right thing, the strong thing, and you have people here who do understand what you're going through and even though sometimes it may seem too hard, you'll make friend here who will be there to support you along the way.

Feel free to PM me anytime, I know how hard it is being a teenager survivor, and if you even need to talk to someone about that, my door is always open

John

[oui,mais]

hey!!

welcome to AS!!

if ok?

[SeckunClass]

Hi ERFail & John too

ER I'm so sorry for what happened to you and for what the police are putting you threw. It's tough telling it over and over. But then they say the more you tell it the less power it has.

John, welcome, I'm sorry for your pain as well

Welcome to AS, both of you. There's a lot of good support here and lotas of info in the archives. I wish you healing

for both of you

[silenced42long]

Hi and Welcome to AS!!

[probably]

Hello and welcome to AS

[kimbees324]

ERFAIL,

I am sorry for the things that led you here but I am glad that you found your way to AS. Take your time and look around; I am sure that you will be feeling comfortable and at home in no time. There are so many great people here who will offer you the support and encouragement you are looking for and deserve. I look forward to seeing you around the board.

Take good care of yourself, ok?

[whimsical1]

Erfail, and welcome to AS!

[angel123]

and welcome to AS...

Sharon x

[aperson]

Welcome to AS!!