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Guest CathyCee

Best friend's husband

4 posts in this topic

hola..last weekend i was staying at my best friend's house. She lives about 100 miles away. i've gone up there regularly for many years. i am not married.she has 3 small kids,the youngest of whom is my godson.they've been married 16 years. his company just closed,(he knew for a few months that he was getting laid off+has a good severance package).That day was his last day at work.i had been out socializing before i was dropped off(i dont drive) at her house,and had a buzz.my friend +i talked for a few minutes,then she went upstairs to bed. Her husband had made me a strong drink (i didnt realize at the time how strong) while she was still there. he usually sleeps downstairs on the couch,drinks,and watches TV.i'm 5 feet tall,a little more than average weight. he is about 6 2,about 250. after that,things are hazy,but i know that he started kissing me,undid my bra,fondled my breasts,yanked my pants and underwear off me,stuck his finger in me repeatedly,all while saying crap about "just know that someone will always love you",etc.i remember he kept turning around looking at Howard Stern's show,at the same time.i was basically like a rag doll. at one point i did manage to get out from under him+put my forearm on his windpipe.he laughed+flipped me off him.for some reason he stopped.i remember him saying "pick up your pants and your shoes and dont forget your underwear",as if he had hired me or something. i didnt yell b/c i was too out of it,and also didnt want to traumatize the sleeping kids. i was in a daze the next day,and didnt even leave til the day after,although i avoided him as much as possible.he never said a word about it. he has slobbered on me twice before when he's been drunk,but this was the apex of it. i have already decided not to make a police report,for my personal family +other reasons. i am trying to determine if i should tell my friend. they dont have a good marriage,but i think she is with him because of the kids.even if she believes me,i think this would be the end of the friendship.should i do it anyway? sorry this is so disjointed.

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Welcome to After Silence.

I wish you didn't have a reason to be here but I hope you'll find support and new friends here.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you, that man had NO right whatsoever to do what he did.

I think that you should tell your friend about it because she has the right to know what kind of pervert and evil man she is actually married to. Personally, I don't believe in staying together for the sake of the kids.....but I don't have any kids yet so maybe I have not right to judge. But I do strongly believe that a man capable of something like this is NOT a man these kids should have around anyway. Maybe knowing what her husband did to you will give your friend the strength she needs to leave him for good....

I hope you'll stay with us, post anytime you wish....we are here for you.

(((Hugs)))

Verena

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This to me is one of those un-seen coerced sexual contacts that just make my skin crawl. Men (or women) will use Drugs or Alcohol to alter your way of perception on any matter, not to mention how it makes your whole body feel heavy.

I think I speak for everyone when I say what he did was wrong. You were treated as though you were an object. Put it away on the shelf and it won't say a word. Don't let this man get away with anything. True you may not be able to prove it's rape or take him to court over it. But you CAN speak out about it. Or at least tell someone close to you. Perhaps even your best friend.

It saddens me to see people in situations such as this with barely any hope for something positive to come out of it. The only positivety you can get out of coerced sex or sexual contact is the knowledge that you are better than the pervert, that you can heal from this and find some support and start over again. But why isn't the law doing anything about this? I find this behavior absolutely disgusting to me and I know because I have BEEN in that situation before. Blind-sighted and dazzled while the other person held a mask over their face. It wasn't until I saw who he really was before I knew I had been taken advantage of. Rape is a forced sexual content of any form. I'm not sure if he forced anything on you from what you wrote to us it didn't seem un-consentual until the end. But you DID get away before it was too late. I'm just sad he treated you like a rag doll before sending you on your way. Believe me, I know that horrible feeling all too well.

You will find peace...

Haullie

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hi,and thank you for your replies..just to answer your question,it was completely not consensual. i have never been attracted to this man,find him icky,and in fact ,do not even like him because of his rotten attitude toward my best friend (his wife). he never knew that,though,nor did she,because i have always been polite+cordial for her sake.

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