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Hello, I am a new member here. I am a 47 year old male. I was r*ped by an older male when I was 15. He took my virginity. We had been drinking and smoking pot. I was very nieve when it came to sex then, and I didn't understand what was happening, only I was scared. I felt like such a coward during and after. I didn't try to stop him or say no, I just froze. I felt so ashamed after, I couldn't tell anyone for what they might think of me. I started using more and different drugs, along with alchohol after it happened so I could forget it ever happened. It did work in keeping it buried inside for all these years, although as normal as I tried to act I seemed to know something wasn't right about me. I've never felt normal as a man. I unsuccessfully tried to kill myself , thought about It many times. I didn't know why I was feeling that much pain, just that I was. It was about 2-1/2 years ago I a few memories came back, but they were unclear. I gave up the drugs and alchohol this year and then started to remember more, thoughts coming at all times, day and night, some of the details. I'm struggling right now with shame and embarressment. But then, thats why I'm here. :cry:

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Hi there :flowers:

Welcome to After Silence. I am sincerely sorry for what has brought you here, but am glad you found us. This is a very supportive, diverse community filled with wonderful, caring people. Please make yourself at home.

:hug::hug::hug:

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:flowers: Welcome to AS, lonelysoul, I am so sorry for all you suffered, I hope being here with us will start the healing process for you,

best wishes, Paula :luck:

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I'm sorry about what happen to u. If u need to talk i'm here

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Hi and welcome to AS. I am terribly sorry for what happened to you. I am proud of you for stopping the drugs and alchol. A big round of applause for you!!

Take care,

Kaylee

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Hello,

Well, first thing I will say is congratulations. You took gigantic step, and you should be proud of yourself. I don't know how it feels for men, but I'm sure with societies pressure upon them that its harder for a man when he was abused. Men are supposed to be the strong ones, the ones who are the protectors and so forth, its weak if a man cries.. personally I think its a load of horse manure. Can't say the other word :)

We all feel embarrassed and we all feel small at times but you arent weak. You shouldnt feel ashamed, you have nothing to be ashamed of. For some they freeze up or theyll look at something else in a room and mainly remember that. Similar to the gun scenario, someone points a gun at you, people usually know how to describe the gun more than anything else. They blocked everything else out, so what I'm trying to say is, your not any less of a man. You are much stronger than you think.

If you need anyone to talk to, know that I'm there. Talk to about whichever, doesn't have to be related to the abuse.

I.

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  • 2 weeks later...

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