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I have been reading the other postings, and the first thing I noticed was that everybody is so nice almost to the point to be annoying. It is like I need to get to the bottom of different emotions and sentiments and process them in my way up from the state I have been living all my life,shame and guilt. On the other hand I recognize regarless of anything, we deserve to be treated with love,respect, dignity and I understand that is what motivates everybody to be so supportive and anxious to give love because that is what we did not have before and what we want in return.

Having said that, I will tell you about me. I have HIV, I was sexually abused when I was five or six years old, I am a male. I have been in therapy for the last two years and finally beginning to feel the sense of hope. I know haviing HIV is a bad thing but it does not compare to been abused. I can take a medication and keep going on but after I was abused, it destroyed my life. At 43, I am trying to understand what happened to me, not to be affraid when people look at me and trying to enjoy life at its fullest as it was suppose to be in the first place when it was taking away from me. I have 3 children and I will do whatever it takes to prevent as much as I can the same happenes to them. It took me 38 years or so to realize that I am not a worthless human being, that all the moments I did not succed, was because this shame was eating me alive inside all the time. I, on purpose, have been to destroying myself in every aspect of my life. I do not have a job, loosing the house where I live, no marriage, my children are not with me. I have to re-built myself and I am beginning to have hope which is the most valuable treasure for me right now.

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Hi aleo64 and welcome to AS. I understand all to well about hope. That is one of the things that keeps me going (especially in therapy). The hope that there is something better and that I will find some kind of resolution in all of this. Again, welcome.

Take care,

Kaylee

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I have to re-built myself and I am beginning to have hope which is the most valuable treasure for me right now.

I'm glad you are beginning to have hope Aleo64, and I believe you can rebuild yourself. I sorry about your circumstances but I am glad you are here, and I know I may sound annoying but it's true.

I can go around for week or so without hearing anyone say anything kind or comforting to me and I really need it right now. Maybe you need it too. I live with people who won't give me the time of day. Sometimes it is a good thing to hear that I am okay from others as I try to believe it myself. Please try to keep sharing. This is a really supportive environment. :up:

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hey,

im sorry to hear that, and if you need an ear, its there.

I.

I have been reading the other postings, and the first thing I noticed was that everybody is so nice almost to the point to be annoying. It is like I need to get to the bottom of different emotions and sentiments and process them in my way up from the state I have been living all my life,shame and guilt. On the other hand I recognize regarless of anything, we deserve to be treated with love,respect, dignity and I understand that is what motivates everybody to be so supportive and anxious to give love because that is what we did not have before and what we want in return.

Having said that, I will tell you about me. I have HIV, I was sexually abused when I was five or six years old, I am a male. I have been in therapy for the last two years and finally beginning to feel the sense of hope. I know haviing HIV is a bad thing but it does not compare to been abused. I can take a medication and keep going on but after I was abused, it destroyed my life. At 43, I am trying to understand what happened to me, not to be affraid when people look at me and trying to enjoy life at its fullest as it was suppose to be in the first place when it was taking away from me. I have 3 children and I will do whatever it takes to prevent as much as I can the same happenes to them. It took me 38 years or so to realize that I am not a worthless human being, that all the moments I did not succed, was because this shame was eating me alive inside all the time. I, on purpose, have been to destroying myself in every aspect of my life. I do not have a job, loosing the house where I live, no marriage, my children are not with me. I have to re-built myself and I am beginning to have hope which is the most valuable treasure for me right now.

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Hi aleo64,

My name is Lynn, and I am a member of the New Member Support Team. I just wanted to take the time to say welcome to After Silence.

I know the anger, the lack of hope, the feeling of not wanting to pick my head up off my pillow and live another day. ..yet I do. I fell apart at 36...I am now 39. I believed the message of worthlessness that was instilled into me by some of my abusers, and now that I have come to realize where those feelings inside of me come from, I am not sure how to pick up the pieces and live again either.

I have this imagine inside of my head of a child...maybe me when I was young...sitting in the middle of a pile of puzzles pieces...I don't know what to do with them...the puzzle has been torn apart, and I have no clue as to what image to make...I have no idea as to how to begin to put them back together.

I am glad that you still have a sense of hope and are beginning to put your puzzle back together. Don't be mistaken by the warm fuzzies around here. There are many who suffer greatly and others that are struggling with HIV as well.

I hope that you can find comfort and support alongside of them. I know that I have found the strength to face another day many times through the words and presence of those dear ones who make this site a true "community." I am glad that you have joined with us and look forward to getting to know you. If you need anything or have questions about the boards or how something works, please send me a personal message. I will gladly help in any way possible...also if you need someone to listen, let me know.

Take care,

Your Sister in Survival,

Lynn

Edited by sisterinsurvival
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hi and welcome to AS!

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Hello Aleo

Welcome here to AS...Im glad you found us and are here with us..Im so very sorry that you have endured such horriffic hell and hope that we can be what your looking for in regards to support and encouragment

hugs

graice

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Thank you .

Hi aleo64 and welcome to AS. I understand all to well about hope. That is one of the things that keeps me going (especially in therapy). The hope that there is something better and that I will find some kind of resolution in all of this. Again, welcome.

Take care,

Kaylee

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All of you for your reply. I feel welcome.

Thank you .

Hi aleo64 and welcome to AS. I understand all to well about hope. That is one of the things that keeps me going (especially in therapy). The hope that there is something better and that I will find some kind of resolution in all of this. Again, welcome.

Take care,

Kaylee

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aleo64 - I had to laugh when I read the part of being nice to the point of being annoying. Not laughing at you but that the fact I can relate. I felt the same at first. But I realize it's because we survivors want each other to know we can... well, relate to how each other feels.

Welcome to the site and I commend you are rebuilding your life. You worth it.

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