Had Enough Pain

[orchidgirl777]

Hi. My name is Devon and I'm a molestation survivor. I'm also an alcoholic and addict if you can't already tell by opening "hello."

So, I'm glad to be here and am ready to begin my journey. I know from my other support group that I can't do it alone. It's funny how I've tried that with my abuse as well as my alcohol dependency and found the truth in it. It never worked. So is why I am here. I have tried numerous times to revisit my past on this subject to make it all well and good again. It never went away and I'm learning now to accept that it never will. Now it's time for me to try again with help from you to find the tools I need to make life bearable when I come across the times that have been so frequent in my past where this pain rears its ugly head.

I know that opening up is the key to begin this journey. However I don't know how to make manageable new life experiences when the old come back to haunt me. I want to be able to walk with my head held high. I want to overcome my shyness. Most of all I want to lose the insecurity I have carried with me since I was a child. I'm 38 and just starting to grow up.

I look forward to this group. It would mean the world to me to become pure again like an innocent child. Thank you for letting me share my beginning with you.

[probably]

Hello and welcome to AS

[luseal]

Hey Devon, its nice to meet you! I found ur message very honest and a good place for u to start. Anything I can do to help u on ur path please let me know? *hugs*

Lu

[Saltywaters]

Hi Devon,

Welcome!!

I hope you feel at home soon.

It's not easy to have to deal with the past and trying to make life as comfy as possible in the present time. It can be done though, but it takes a lot of time and hard work to find that balance and then live with it. I am sorry for all you went through as a child, pls know none of it is your fault, and that you don't have to do this alone. We are here for you, hun, there's lots of people here that will listen and support you through all this. It's great to have you with us!

Feel free to ask questions if you have any, ok?

= if ok??

Jo

[JDA]

Welcome to AS. I have only been here a few days, and I have felt extremely welcome. I'm sure that you will, too.

[Guest]

Hi Devon,

Welcome to AS! We're glad you're here.

Make sure you check out our Addiction & Recovery forum. It has been an amazing place to chronicle my own Recovery and there are many of us who understand where you are coming from.

Namaste.

[coo]

Hi Devon,

Welcome! I am also a new member and already everyone has been really supportive, I am sure you will find that too.

Coo

[oui,mais]

hey!!

Welcome to AS!!

if ok??

[hollygolightly]

Hi Devon,

Welcome to AS and thank you for sharing about you. I'm sorry for what you've been through. I know that it's very frustrating when you try and wait for things to happen but they don't. Please don't give up on healing. I really hope that you will find it.

Best wishes,

Holly

[AmyLyn]

Welcome to AS

You are not alone anymore. AS is a wonderfully and amazingly supportive and understanding place.

I wish you the best in your healing

take care

[littlelost]

and welcome to AS

[chuck173]

Hey Devon,

Welcome. I want you to know I'm happy for you that you want to start your journey. If you haven't noticed yet, there is a great deal of support here. I am just beginning to growup myself and I'm about 12 years older than you, so don't feel like you've missed the boat.

Chuck

[Kellynn]

Hi. My name is Devon and I'm a molestation survivor. I'm also an alcoholic and addict if you can't already tell by opening "hello."

So, I'm glad to be here and am ready to begin my journey. I know from my other support group that I can't do it alone. It's funny how I've tried that with my abuse as well as my alcohol dependency and found the truth in it. It never worked. So is why I am here. I have tried numerous times to revisit my past on this subject to make it all well and good again. It never went away and I'm learning now to accept that it never will. Now it's time for me to try again with help from you to find the tools I need to make life bearable when I come across the times that have been so frequent in my past where this pain rears its ugly head.

I know that opening up is the key to begin this journey. However I don't know how to make manageable new life experiences when the old come back to haunt me. I want to be able to walk with my head held high. I want to overcome my shyness. Most of all I want to lose the insecurity I have carried with me since I was a child. I'm 38 and just starting to grow up.

I look forward to this group. It would mean the world to me to become pure again like an innocent child. Thank you for letting me share my beginning with you.

Hi Devon,

My name is Kelly. I'm 41 and I have three daughters and I work in the legal field. Your post caught my attention. I have tried numerous times to begin the journey only to quit. I too have a great deal of shyness. I won't walk down a street alone, I won't walk to a washroom in a restaurant alone, I do my best to avoid anything "alone". There are times where I've been able to do things alone. Most of them were after I had decided to end yet another abusive relationship or when my daughters needed me. I function well at my career but there are moments when my shyness had to be explained.

Today, I lack self worth. It mainly rears its ugly head when I am with my husband of a year and a half. I watch over my daughters like a hawk and simple gestures on his part are percieved as sexual advances. I percieve what are normal encounters with the opposite sex as sexual interest on his part. I am rarely secute even though he has given me no reason. The rage, fear and threatened feeling I get is not easy to put into words.

I want to be confident and have self worth. I want to grow up and save this little girl who continues this destructive pattern because of what's happened to her. I wish you the best and hope we both heal and hold our head up high.