A Survivor

[kyva]

It is not a commonly used way to describe myself and what i have been through. In most cases i will speak of myself as a victim and how my past has hurt me, what it has taken from me .. many of which i will never get back. Here on AS many of you speak of being survivors, which means that though it is a dark past you are been touched with, you are still holding strong and moving forward. Some of you even write about how far you have come, instead of saying all the wrong that has been done.

I want to go from being a victim to a survivor, in my own eyes. Though I still breathe and lay awake at night, I died inside almost 10 years ago. I want to bring my life back to me and call myself the survivor that i truly am. However it seems . . . saying i am a survivor is just as hard as saying the word r*pe. It is something i find very difficult and am horribly uncomfortable with. Please, help me take the last steps in my journey of healing, to accept me for who i am . . a young woman, a survivor who is still going strong.

[Charlene]

welcome to AS, you're not alone

[*buttafly*]

Kyva,

I hope this can be your first step in takign back that life that was lost. You can do it. And you are a survivor, you are here. I hope you can find some support and a strong voice here. I look forward to reading your posts.

[beckylynn]

hey, i know the feeling of being dead yet breathing. the memories dont die. i know that too. i hope you will find healing. and i hope you will learn to love you for you.

-becky lynn

[HaDoCFace1]

welcome... i am also very new.. i was welcomed warmly... so as a member i am doing the same for you... everyone here understands.. and we all care...

welcome and relax... we do understand!

[Skye]

Hi Kyva and welcome to AS!

That was such a beautifully written introduction You truely do sound like such a strong person and I have no doubt that you will keep fighting strong in this journey and keep taking those steps towards healing.

You are not alone in having difficulty with some terminology - I just tend to avoid them completely, however am extremely proud of others who are able to validate them and embrace them.

You are a survivor.

You are strong,

And we are happy to have you here at AS.

Take gentle care,

Skye.

[probably]

Hello and welcome to AS

[Saltywaters]

Hi Kyva,

Welcome!!

I hope you feel at home soon.

You'll find loads of support here, hun. Iknow we already talked some, lol, but I wanted to formally welcome you anyways. You're not alone in your struggles, just post away!!

Jo

[brobbitt]

I hear your great desire to move forward from where you find yourself. Experiencing yourself as dying inside 10 years ago felt so terrible to me upon hearing it, the desolation of nothingness within :o(

I believe that human beings have something within called the actualising tendency. An inner light, the very spark that means, we, as human beings, aspire to a higher level of functioning, to be and to feel the best that we can be and feel. Terrible experiences such as yours shatter that light, turn it into a tiny flame, flickering in that dark place that has been shattered, the flame doused by the reservoir of tears falling around it. I believe that it never fully goes out though, and I believe fully that it can again be turned into a roaring inferno, driving us onward towards personal development. It is most likely to do this if the right circumstances exist, and by this I mean we have to find ourselves in a safe place, where we don't feel judged, where people are genuine / real with us and a place were we can experience ongoing empathy. Indeed a place such as this.

I stand back in amazement at how, given your circumstances, you have persevered through those dark times and wondered if you can acknowlege that of yourself? Some times, just how strong and brave we have had to be can be lost to us. Far from the 10 years being wasted, it feels like you have taken an incredibly tough journey, a mountainous tough journey, as all survivors do, just to get here. But now you are here, maybe sit a while and simply rest, take the time to be you. There is much healing to be found in simply doing this. Allow that flame the chance to grow, to burn brighter, to guide your way, towards all of the things you wish for yourself.

I wish these things for you very much, mostly because like all survivors, this isn;t too much to ask for and is so deserved.

Best wishes

Brian

It is not a commonly used way to describe myself and what i have been through. In most cases i will speak of myself as a victim and how my past has hurt me, what it has taken from me .. many of which i will never get back. Here on AS many of you speak of being survivors, which means that though it is a dark past you are been touched with, you are still holding strong and moving forward. Some of you even write about how far you have come, instead of saying all the wrong that has been done.

I want to go from being a victim to a survivor, in my own eyes. Though I still breathe and lay awake at night, I died inside almost 10 years ago. I want to bring my life back to me and call myself the survivor that i truly am. However it seems . . . saying i am a survivor is just as hard as saying the word r*pe. It is something i find very difficult and am horribly uncomfortable with. Please, help me take the last steps in my journey of healing, to accept me for who i am . . a young woman, a survivor who is still going strong.

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

[angel123]

hun.... Welcome to AS... i hope you find all the help and support you so deserve here, take you time in looking around and we will be here for you anytime you need us

Take care

Angel x

Edited March 28, 2008 by angel123

[John]

Hey Kyva,

Welcome to AS

I know it is very hard to see ourselves as a survivor sometimes, and I hope that the people here can inspire you to see yourself as one, because I believe you are

You can feel alive again, and see yourself as alive again in your own, and we are here to support you through your healing process and so you can feel strong again, as I am sure you are stronger then you know - if ok

Please take gentle care, and feel free to PM me anytime

John

[kyva]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind welcome and wonderful words. I have been to many comunitie, which i read a lot first before posting . . i generally do not post as some forums sound . . . fake? It's hard to say, but i am a really cautious person as i am sure you will learn sooner or later. However, the stories here, i can tell are full truths and not just some jerk playing pretend to get attention or in on some conversation.

we all need to be so careful who we tell and what we share, for it opens ourselves up. For me, telling my friends and ex . . it opened me up to be abused a second and even third time. So when looking for a community, i remained silent and very cautious. I have been reading as a guest for some time and it just sort of . . felt right. sorry if i am not making much sense

[John]

kyva,

You are making perfect sense, and I hope that you do feel genuinely cared about here because we do genuinely care

Here you are free to be as cautious as your like, we fully understand, it is very hard to speak up sometimes, but when you do choose to speak up, we will all be listening and supporting ... when I first came here I had a look around as a guest about 5 times before joining and went to the public site, (www.aftersilence.org) and looked around for a while also, and when I felt I could join I did, and it is much the same case with you, you are free to open up at whatever rate you want to, there is no rush at all, and we will be here to support you never-the-less. That's what we are here for, to offer a safe place where survivors can gain and give support

Your concerns are totally validated here, and we are here to help when you feel ready

Take gentle care, and feel free to PM me anytime

John

[oui,mais]

hey!!

Welcome to AS!!

= if ok??

[kyva]

are always welcome ;)

[Graice]

Hey Kyva

welcome here to AS .....

sending hugs

graice

[lucy1975]

Hello and welcome you will always find nothing but love and support here, We will hold your hand every step of the way. Pm me any time

Lucy x

[Aayla]

Hello Welcome

[sunshine4x]

Kyva, It makes me want to cry to hear you say that... it makes me so happy

I have the same hard time... calling myself a survivor. It's empowering though. We are survivors. We are strong. Look and what we've been through? We're amazing men and women who have seen hell and come back... We're SURVIVORS

That realization is so important and I'm so glad you're now a survivor, and while we're all victims the healing begins when we realize we've survived it and they can't take that from us.

please pm me if there's anything I can do for you...

[sisterinsurvival]

I want to go from being a victim to a survivor, in my own eyes. Though I still breathe and lay awake at night, I died inside almost 10 years ago.

I feel this way too...It has been twelve years...

Yahoo, !

We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

Edited March 30, 2008 by sisterinsurvival