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New Supporter On The Search For Advice

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Hi there

I've already had a look over the site and found some very useful advice from survivors. Thank you all.

I thought i better introduce myself and tell my story.

I have recently returned from 5 months spent working in a school in China.

A couple of months before i flew home my girlfriend was raped by one of the guys she worked with after a night out.

I wanted to fly home immediately but she had already booked flights to come see me over new year so i had to wait till then to see her again.

Since i've got back we've had some great times, and things were going really well for the first few weeks after i got back. she seemed so happy. Obviously she did have her low times, and she got a counsellor to help her through the tough times as she still didn't feel confident enough to talk to me about everything. Recently however, especially after hearing from the police that her case will go to court she has become more withdrawn and insecure. her confidence with me has decreased significantly and i'm not sure what i should be doing. I want to help but i don't know what i should be doing now. I don't know what to say, and when i say some things she snaps at me. I don't blame her for this, i can't even begin to imagine what she's going through, i just need some idea of what i CAN do that will help her. I love her and I will do anything i need to do to help her. I just don't know the right thing to do and i'm scared i'll screw up and make things worse.

So here I am, I hope that you will be able to point me in the right direction.



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Hi A

Welcome to AS.... im so sorry to hear what happened to your girlfriend, she is so lucky to have you in her life, you asked what you can do to help her and this is only my opionon, to me you are doing so much, you are there for her, by the sound of it you are giving her so much support and that is a big thing. I know there will be times that she will snap at you and that will be hard for you but all you can do is keep reassuring her that you are there for her 110%, i know she mightened always hear that but you been just you will help her.. im sorry i dont have much more advise because at the end of the day i dont have support in the way you are giving your girlfriend and im actually finding it a bit of a struggle to think what would help me if i had support, im so use to dealing with me on my own... sorry for not been much help, i hope you find good and strong answers to help you through this....please take gentle care of yourself and your girlfriend...

Angel x

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welcome to AS :hug:

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Hi and welcome :hi:

I am deeply touched by the efforts you are going to in supporting your friend. :friends2: I only wished i had someone like you around at the time. I have been in conversation with another survivor over the last few days and she is in the same position as you and your friend are. She and I were discussing what her friend could do that would make her feel better. :hug: To summarise what we discussed, she did say although she wasnt able to talk about it, just having her friend be there y made her feel safer physically and emotionally.

I know this friend and her have gone out together and I noticed each time she came home from that she felt happy for a while. So that must have helped also. I did get the impression in no way did she want to be co-erced by her well-meaning friend to discuss it.

I am more than happy to discuss this further with you if you wish to pm me. Please feel free to do so I would be happy to help if I can/

Once again, I praise you for efforts in helping your friend - you must be a wonderful person.

Bewitched :clap:

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Welcome to AfterSilence,

We have support and guidance here for secondary survivors, I want to thankyou for supporting a survivor and please know we are here to support you for what you are feeling too :hug:

Please take gentle care, :bighug: and again thanks for helping :up:


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