New And Coping With Rage

[caramel]

After years of living numb i've been forced to revisit my past. I have cyclic emotions I don't know how to deal with. A husband drowning in anger for the way the treated him for the past 16 years only to find out the total of my past. Now he knows not what to do with his anger. I don't know what to do. I feel as if i'm in a brick house and piece by piece the bricks are falling on me. Completely trapped.

[jillian57]

first of all welcome to AS!! i am so sorry for what you are going through. none of what happened to you was your fault. do you have a therapist?? i think most of us here have been where you are. please know that you are not alone. keep posting!!

Jill

[Charlene]

squishy welcome hugs

[fuzzysnowflake]

Welcome. I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now, just know that there is always someone here to listen.

[caramel]

I start seeing someone tomorrow. My husband and I have counseling starting Wed. I just wish he could see I never ment to hurt him. Until las Wed. I can truly say I thought I was doing a great job at living. Then it seems everything was just dumped out of my bag that I had so neatly packed and placed in the corner of the closet. I never realised that, that bag was taking up space for other things that meant so much to me. Now that I look at it I can see that the contents were leaking out and staining everything I had placed near it. I want to get into the bottom of the bag but am so scared of what's in there. I keep telling myself it's not my fault. But my head keeps telling me in order for it to happen over and over I had to have done something. I fight not to fall back into a depression It's a real fight!!. I have no energy because dealing with the flashbacks take so much energy. It's as though i'm here but not really.

[carp_7]

I hope that you find the support here that you're looking for.

Welcome to AS.

Christina

[Saltywaters]

Welcome!!

I hope things will settle down some for you, so you can get a break from the fight, even if it is just for a sec or so. You're not alone.

= if ok?

Jo

[Peace4Denise]

Caramel, you are never alone my friend.

Please remind yourself each day how much you are a fighter. We are always here. And I agree with Salty, give yourself a rest from the fight okay?

Denise

[teazle]

Hi and welcome to AS

I hope you find what you're looking for here

teazle

[caramel]

I was really ready to start working on my stuff today. Unfortunatly I had to reschedule my session. Due to uncontrolable family issues. Amazingly enough I was ok. Tired to no belief. Still having problems eating. I either don't feel like eating or i'll eat and feel so sick I wish I hadn't. I haven't felt so tortured since highschool (over 15yrs ago). It angers me that I remember the events as if they happened earlier today but can't remember why I walked to the frig. I'm in school, have a family and having the hardest time concentrating, remembering things for tests and staying awake to grasp information in class. Does anyone have any ideas what I can do!!

[angel123]

welcome to the site, sorry you had to find us but glad you have, if that makes sense....hope to see you around

Angel

[Skye]

Hi and welcome to AS!

I am so sorry that things are so difficult at the moment. I am also familiar with feeling like I had everything under control - all neatly put away in that box with the big red sign on it stating 'Do not open'.

Memories can be really awful - especially when they feel like they are so raw and real. It is really tough when they just keep coming without any warning. You are not alone. When this happened to me, I felt like I was falling apart. I have gained so much support here at AS - even just by reading other peoples posts and knowing that I am not alone, my feelings are valid and that I am not going 'crazy'.

I am glad that you have arranged to see someone to help you.

This is such a brave thing to do and will hopefully help you and your husband work through this.

It can take time, so is best to be patient. With yourself and with each other.

Please keep posting your feelings, there are sections here for any issues that you are facing and we will be here for you supporting you as much as we can.

Take gentle care,

Skye.

[John]

Hey and Welcome to AfterSilence,

We are here to support you, and help to you heal from those emotions that you are feeling at the moment, please know we are here to support you, and that we understand

I am very sorrry for what you have been through however I am glad that you have came here to seeking healing, and I hope I can help in you healing I am looking forward to getting to know you more, and seeing you in forum site and chat soon,

Please take care, and feel free to PM me anytime

John

[probably]

Hello and welcome to AS

[Selah1]

After years of living numb i've been forced to revisit my past. I have cyclic emotions I don't know how to deal with. A husband drowning in anger for the way the treated him for the past 16 years only to find out the total of my past. Now he knows not what to do with his anger. I don't know what to do. I feel as if i'm in a brick house and piece by piece the bricks are falling on me. Completely trapped.

Hello Caramel,

Welcome here on AS.

I am sorry to hear what you've been through before it all came out.

Find a place where you can feel safe.

Does your husband suppport you in your troubles with the past?