New And Don't Know Where To Start?

[noahsmama]

Hello,

I stopped in late last night to say hello and to kinda get an idea of this site. But then I chickened out after saying hello.

So, I'm back and still not sleeping well. Thought I might try to hang in for a liitle while.... I just not sure how this works? I was turned away from another site after they heard my story. They said that since it was over 20 yrs ago that "I should be over it and I was not setting a good example on what it means to move on". So, I am a bit hesitent, and not sure how this all works?

What should I say or do? How this works?

Dannyel

[Raina]

Welcome to AS!

I'm new too, and this board has been welcoming. We're all here to support each other, wherever we happen to be in the process. Look around and post as you need/want to.

See you around the forums!

Raina

[Saltywaters]

Hi noahsmama,

Welcome back.

That is awful that they turned you away only b/c it has been over 20 years. I'm sorry that that happened to you, they were wrong. There is no time-limit on healing, it's different for everybody, and also, most survivors don't start dealing with stuff until they are ready, and yes, we can push it all down for years on end. "Getting over it" is easier said than done, and if we could do it that easisly, we would have done it...... They were wrong, it doesn't work that way.

As for what to do now..... I'd say hang around, read posts, posts some yourself, get to know us. You're amongst people that understand, and don't judge. There's no pressure, you decide what you do, and what you don't do here. It's ok to be nervous, we all were at first, so you're not alone in that either. You can say and do as much or as little as you want. The main thing is for you to feel comfortable. No rush, hun.

= if ok?

Jo

[John]

I am glad you have decided to stay, and just post as you feel comfortable

Just take you time, we are all here, don't worry we wont be going anywhere fast, so just take you time, and post when you feel ready

John

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

What happened to me ended 30 years ago - for very many years I thought I was 'over it' but to be honest I was just in denial - now it is all hitting me smack in the face and I am trying to deal with it. There is no time frame - people heal in different way at different times. No one here would think you should be 'over it' - I hope you stay and find the support and friendship you deserve

best wishes

karen

[Tainted Angel]

Hello, .

I am very sorry for what has brought you here - but glad you found us. What they did on the other site was awful! There is no time-frame to healing, and you have every right to be on this kind of site than anyone else. Here at AS you will always be welcome! We will not turn you down. I am also quite new. I also wasn't sure I belonged - because I hold repressed memories, and doubt myself sometimes that it ever happend. So I am different to most people on here. But besides that, everyone has made me feel at home. If you just take your time, look around, and post when you feel like it - you should be fine. Nobody will rush you or anything like that. I hope you feel at home soon. Hope to see you around and to get to know you :-]

[Charlene]

hey and welcome!

say or do whatever makes you comfortable and in your own time, there's no pressure.

we're all here to support you.

sending squishy hugs

[Saba]

Hello and welcome to our family

[Saba]

Hello and welcome to our family

[travler]

welcome! this is the right thing to do, cant beleive someone told you you should be over it. who makes up the rules and who says there are rules???? anyway, good to hear from you and keep looking around at all the different forums here, they have all pretty much helped me just by reading them. hang in there!!! travler

[fuzzysnowflake]

Welcome! What a terrible thing to tell someone who is hurting! I personally don't think it is something you just "get over." You get over things like when someone drinks the last of the milk. You don't "get over" something like this. You accept it, you deal with it, you talk about it. It is a part of your life and you don't just shove it aside if time passes. Take a look around and see what other people are saying. Hopefully you can see that here we welcome everyone.

[Battered Mind]

Welcome to After Silence!

I'm a survivor of abuse, sexual assault(s), sexual harassment(s) & r@pe.

i've also been diagnosed with PTSD, depression (Both clinical & seasonal) as well as anxiety.

[jaded1]

Welcome! I am not sure who could have possibly said that to you. Anyone that has been through it knows that there are no rules to these types of issues. I think that if you look around the board you will see that many of us have been trying to "get over it" for many years. For me personally, it is worse now than ever. This is a wonderful group. We all have our own issues.....many of us have several. I think I am collecting them..lol.

Take you time. I am sorry for what happened to you but glad that you are hear. We are all here to support one another.

Love and Light,

~jaded1

[sisterinsurvival]

Hi Dear One,

What you wrote...about getting over it. You don't...you learn to live with it and we all learn in our own time. It infuriates me that someone would be so insensitive as to say that you should just get over it...makes me wonder if they have ever been through it...

I am a survivor of CSA at age eight and SA at 26. I recognized the thirtieth anniversary of my initial abuse this year. Not until last summer, in counseling, did I admit that what I went through twelve years ago began as a rape. Am I over it no...I have just begun to be able to admit that it happened and that I was used and manipulated for some months following it... Am I a sane, rational, level-headed human being? Yes, I would like to think I am, or was, at least until recently when I started having to deal with the emotion of all this...especially what happened as an adult. Am I over it...no...but I am closer to it becoming a part of my past rather than a constant rerun that plays in my mind...as real as when it occurred.

As for the other site, perhaps a more sensitive way to have dealt with the concept of "getting over it" would have been to say that we all have to learn to give voice to what was done to us and no longer allow it to be some dark secret that is ours to bear alone. Through this, we become more comfortable with the memories that we will forever carry in our souls, and eventually we will learn to live through the process of putting our past in the past, no matter how long ago it was.

As for me, I lived too many days letting that past be my present...and I almost succumbed to the remembering...to the point of viewing my own life as a curse rather than a gift...but then I finally decided to live... and it was just that...through the anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and memories came the desire to go on...and it required a conscience decision on my part...I am going to live.

I shared that with my counselor the other day. He had asked awhile back what had made the difference in my change of demeanor and outlook on life. After I shared that with him, he quoted Psalm 118:17 "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD." I had no clue about the verse and was encouraged by it.

I must remember as long as I look back at the past, it is impossible to look forward into the future...just get over...ain't going to happen...learn to live beyond it...just maybe.

NoahsMom...I will be remembering you in my prayers.

I know that you will find the After Silence community much more supportive and encouraging. I know I have. If you need anything, click on my user-name with this post and send me a message.

Don't be afraid to share...it is through letting others help carry that burden that we begin to heal...no matter long ago it was.

Gentle hugs ,

Lynn

PS:

Here is my usual greeting!

Yahoo, !

We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

[carp_7]

I'm glad that you've found AS. I am new as well, but it has helped me tremendously already. It doesn't matter how long ago the abuse happened...everyone heals in their own time and at their own pace. Sometimes you can think you're 'healed' and then it rears its ugly head again, and you realize how long of a way you still have to go. I hope that you find what you're looking for here.

Christina

[SeeSawGal]

hello u r in the right place i think, be kind and gentle 2 urself!