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Hey, I'm New And Need Help!


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Hello. Firstly let me say, I am glad I have found this place :flowers:

Secondly, I want to ask if I belong here. I am almost positive I was abused, molested, or raped...or all of them when I was a young child....probably by my father?? But the thing is, I have no acrual memories. I DO have what I think are body memories. I also have many effects that most abuse survivors suffer [and also did as a child] I have many reasons to thik I was abused. I don't remember much of my childhood AT ALL. It's mostly a blur. What I do remember however, is being a very scared, depressed, lonely, overly clingy child. I remember the feelings, the emotions, but hardly ANY events in my childhood. I am here to ask if it is OK for me to tell my reasons for why It's very likely I was abused? If I may I would like to type them out in the "stories" section when I have time, and have people let me know if they think I was or now, and to just try and get my memories back. :533: If this isn't Ok I understand, and I'm sorry! This is terribley icolated and I feel like a freak/mental case. Because I have all these effects/signs...this feeling of just KNOWING, yet no memory of it :blush:

.

Edited by Tainted Angel
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Well all through i can't speak for everyone....mostly the mod's, i do think it's fine. You have memories, just not the pictures. Kind of like you ran out of film but your mind kept audio. I know the feeling, most of my younger childhood is like that, but after talking about it i began to get some pictures back but not a whole lot because well, our bodies do that to keep us safe as little kids. They block things out. I hope you get a more deffinet answer from someone, but if you just need to talk PM and we can chat.

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Well all through i can't speak for everyone....mostly the mod's, i do think it's fine. You have memories, just not the pictures. Kind of like you ran out of film but your mind kept audio. I know the feeling, most of my younger childhood is like that, but after talking about it i began to get some pictures back but not a whole lot because well, our bodies do that to keep us safe as little kids. They block things out. I hope you get a more deffinet answer from someone, but if you just need to talk PM and we can chat.

Thank you very much :hug: [i hope the hugs are OK?]

I will wait on more replies to see what to do. But thanks so much for your offer.

Stay safe.

[x] [x] [x]

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Welcome!! :)

It's not uncommon to not have the memories, there's more people here that are struggling with this, so pls know you're not alone. The blocking out is a coping mechanism that keeps you safe from whatever it is that is blocked out. I know that sounds strange but the mind does protect. I'd say, stick around and see? Of course it's ok to write things down in the story forum. That's what it's there for. :)

Hope you feel at home soon. :flowers:

Jo

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Hello and Welcome to AfterSilence,

Survivors can often have blurred memories of what happened to them, and there is nothing wrong with that, and you are most welcome to stay because there is obviously something bothering you which relates to the topics we discuss on this site.

Welcome to AfterSilence :flowers:

Please take care and feel free to Pm me anytime :flowers:

John

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Again, thank you so much everyone. You've made me feel really welcome :)

I am alone with this offline. I haven't spoken to people about it, and the people I have have told me I wasn't abused [like my mum] or have left me, or I don't want to bother them with it. And because I can't remember anything "properly", I feel kind of...wrong saying it. I will type out parts of my story when I'm ready :)

Thanks again. And you are all so strong :tealribbon:

Edited by Tainted Angel
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...this feeling of just KNOWING, yet no memory of it

I can't think who wrote this, but I think a lot of survivors have felt this way at one time or another, its 'Memory believes before knowing remembers!'

:hug: :hug: :hug:

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welcome!! I came here thinking that I KNEW my issues and found that I had memories unknown to me as well. I agree with the rest...you are in the right place and I can't wait to get to know you. I am alone (mostly) offline as well. Fell free to pm me or e-mail if you ever need to chat.

Love and light,

~jaded1

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WELCOME...GLAD YOU ARE HERE...PRETTY NEW MYSELF...

I HAVENT TYPED OUT MY WHOLE STORY HERE YET, MOSTLY BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO DO IT...I ONLY CAN USE MY COMP AT WORK...BUT I WILL TELL YOU THIS MY MOTHER DIDNT BELIEVE ME AT FIRST...WELL WHEN IT COUNTED THE MOST...AFTER ALL THESE YEARS SHE HAD A FIGHT WITH MY STEPFATHER...MY ABUSER, AND I SORT OF REMINDED HER ABOUT SOME THINGS. ALL ALONG I WAS THINKING SHE JUST DIDNT BELIEVE IT, STILL THINK THAT IN SOME WAYS, BUT ANYWAY SHE STARTED COUNSELING...ITS REALLY A VERY LONG STORY....THE COUNSELING ALONG WITH ASKING ME AND MY SISTER A LOT OF QUESTIONS SHE HAS STARTED TO REMEMBER SOME THINGS...VERY IMPORTANT THINGS.....VERY HURTFUL...INTENSE THINGS... AND SO HAVE WE. IT REALLY DOES HELP TO TALK ABOUT IT. YOUVE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE, AND WHEN YOURE READY TO SPILL IT....YOULL KNOW AND WELL ALL BE HEAR TO LISTEN AND REPLY

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...this feeling of just KNOWING, yet no memory of it

I can't think who wrote this, but I think a lot of survivors have felt this way at one time or another, its 'Memory believes before knowing remembers!'

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Yep, I read that too. When I first looked up something online, because I thought I was going crazy :unsure:

Thanks so much to everyone! I love this place already! :hug::hug:

sallythecamel - that is very interesting. So it;s like your mother also repressed memories. I am glad things are starting to come together for you, and pray they will for me too.

Love to you all!

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What I do remember however, is being a very scared, depressed, lonely, overly clingy child. I remember the feelings, the emotions, but hardly ANY events in my childhood.

Welcome! :flowers: I am also new[ish] and this is my first time seeking help and talking about this stuff.

Anyway, my situation is kind of similar to yours. I have NO memories other than things that I have been told or things I can feel [if that makes sense] before 8 years old. I also only remember the feelings and can remember being the same way as a child, especially clingy and scared. Then, I also have very vivid memories, thoughts, recollections, feelings, I'm not even sure how to describe it [not pictures as I lost the capability to make mental pictures long ago] of being molested by a VERY close relative for about 6 years (8-14). I am pretty sure this same person abused me prior to 8 years old also, I just can't remember, but I KNOW. My abuser is in denial as if nothing ever happened [the stuff I CAN remember]. So I am very confused always as I maintain a close relationship still with this person. Anyway, I totally think you belong here! :notalone: Please, feel free to PM me anytime also.

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squishy welcome hugs :hug:

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Welcome to After Silence :flowers:

I am sorry for what brings you here. I think sometimes not remembering can be more frightening that what we remember. I have triggers and body memories that I don't always recognize or understand, and I hate that. I hope that you will find some comfort and support here, this is a very understanding and empathetic community.

Nicole :throb:

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