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Zach

Trying To Hold On.

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Hi, my name is Zach. I am eighteen years old. If I was eloquent, I would write here about who I am, how I feel, but I don't know if I can do that. Most of the time I don't know who I am or what I'm feeling.

When I think of the word 'survivor', I think of people who have survived cancer, people who have lost family members and managed to carry on without them. A survivor dictionary defined is someone who continues to function or prosper in spite of opposition, hardship, or setbacks. Am I a survivor?

It's hard to answer that question. I don't know if I am doing such a good job of surviving anymore. I barely function. I exist; I get on with things, to the everyday eye I continue on with life as any normal teenager would. Am I a survivor? Barely.

Truth be told, I never really started living once I was abused, and in the years in which the abuse stopped. How can I ever truly face upto what happened? I am male, and I did not defend myself. I let people harm me in ways that can never be forgotten. A man dictionary defined displays manly character or courage, and I did not do that. I continue not to do that. Am I a man? Barely.

If I was to answer truthfully why I was here, I would have to say that I am here because I want to feel I am not alone. I want to feel. I know that thousands of people all over the world are abused and what happened to me is not unique or singular, but I do not feel it. I wish to learn of other people's experiences, and to eventually relieve mine. I want to survive, in the true meaning of the word.

I hope through here I can gain a little bit of that.

Zach x

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Hi Zach, welcome to AS!

Im sorry you've been through so a tough time of it, im not sure i can make it any better but i want to try. You mentioned the fact that you feel as if you aren't a man because you didnt protect yourself. Whatever happened to you was noway your fault, its not upto you to defend yourself, noone will expect that of you.

Everyday you are surviving and not letting this horrible thing beat you, everyday you are showing what a man you are because you are standing up and fighting. Unlike many people on this site i was attacked when i was adult and i thought that that means i should have been able to stop it. But i know now neither of us could have stopped it, and we shouldnt have had to.

Anyways, after all of that! I hope you find the support you need here!

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Am I a survivor?

It's hard to answer that question. I don't know if I am doing such a good job of surviving anymore. I barely function. I exist; I get on with things, to the everyday eye I continue on with life as any normal teenager would. Am I a survivor? Barely.

I think your a survivor, and you can heal, just give yourself healing time, it can often take many year my friend, but it will happen you can heal, just keep coming here and posting, you are a survivor :flowers:

Truth be told, I never really started living once I was abused, and in the years in which the abuse stopped. How can I ever truly face upto what happened? I am male, and I did not defend myself. I let people harm me in ways that can never be forgotten. A man dictionary defined displays manly character or courage, and I did not do that. I continue not to do that. Am I a man? Barely.

I am a man also, but please don't think because you may not seem to be the toughest guy around or you cant win all the fights, or you dont have the fastest car, that you arent a man, because I can assure you that you are, and for what you have survived, I think you are couragoues, I think you are heroic, because you have experienced all those things, and now you are coming here, wanting to heal, and to ask for help by coming here like you have shows how you are a true man.

If I was to answer truthfully why I was here, I would have to say that I am here because I want to feel I am not alone. I want to feel. I know that thousands of people all over the world are abused and what happened to me is not unique or singular, but I do not feel it. I wish to learn of other people's experiences, and to eventually relieve mine. I want to survive, in the true meaning of the word.

You will survive, and your doing so well there :up:, and you will heal from what you have experienced, in the true meaning of the word. You experiences are your own, nobody else has experienced them, they aren't uniformative, we have all had similar experiences so you aren't alone, but on the same toaken they are your experiences, and are just as important as everyone elses, please dont feel like just another number or a statistic or someone who as experienced what we have, because they are individual, so they aren't just another experience, they are yours and they are important, just as everyone else individual experiences are imporant, if that makes sense :blush:

I hope through here I can gain a little bit of that.

Zach x

You will, the people her are amazing, and are so loving, they have helped me alot, and I am sure they can help you too, there is alot of love here for everyone. I'm glad you have come here for some healing, and I hope to see you on the boards and in chat soon,

Please take care & PM me anytime,

John

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welcome zach! glad that you are here. you are not alone! i think (and hope) that you will find the support you need here. look forward to more of your posts. :bighug:

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Hi Zach and welcome to AS!

You are not alone and I am sure that you will get a lot of support here.

To me, you are the true definition of a real man and a gentleman.

It can be difficult to grab onto the word survivor - you have already made such a strong and couragous step by coming here and sharing.

Male and female - we all struggle with self-doubt.

You sound like an amazing person and I hope you feel very welcome here.

:flowers:

Skye.

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Zach, welcome to the forum. I'm glad you've found us here.

I'm sorry for everything that you've gone through but this is a wonderful and healing place.

Sending you gentle :hug: :hug: if ok.

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Hi Zach,

I am new to this forum, but am a survivor. Just know that YOU DID NOT CAUSE THIS. and the very definition of a man is not found in the dictionary. Only you can define who or what you think a man should be. In my eyes, a man is someone that relizes his limits and can ask for help. A man is someone who relizes that you don't always have to be the strong one. and he also knows that somethings are way beyond his control, and maybe, just maybe, there is nothing that he could have done to adjust the outcome of certain situations. I think that by you wanting to face your obsticles that life delt you, you could be the best man that I know.

Welcome to AS

PinkOrchid

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