Too Weird To Live, To Rare To Die

[atomicbetty]

Im in such a funk at the moment. I cant rest, im comfort eating, so then i feel bad. My spending is outta control again - always spend it on food tho! lol. Good expensive food. U gotta laugh! im getting fatter and unhappier by the second and all i can do is drink, smoke and eat. It cud be worse, oh krikey it can always be worse, but im pretty worried. Now i can hardly sleep at all without medication. This hyper-vigilance thing is waring pretty thin after 16yrs. I have therapy on Wed, and to say im shitting my pants must be an understaement of massive proportions! Im crashing, again. I can feel it. Its like when i start falling from the plane - so far to go till u hit the bottom or the parachute opens, and feeling this low i cant even think positively. Grrrrrrr. lifes a pain in the ass! All i want to do is eat carbs, choclate, smoke, drink, n get laid 247 - oh the quest for endorpins is always a wild up n down ride. Thing is i just wanna stop the ride and get off. An impossibe dream i know, but i feel like im clinging onto the edge with my finger nails and i just dont know how much energy i have left... how long i can last? Heard a quote this week that i was stunned by. It just made so much sense. "Too weird to live, too rare to die". Wow. Also im really missing a mother figure in my life. This is nothing new i always have felt that i was out there on my own, but right now with my daughter growing up you wanna ring ur mum and ask advice when stuff happens. Well mine is an abusive crazy, so no chance. I just wanna mumsie hug and advice. I just wanna feel loved. I have never felt love ever except for my daughter. Weird. Anyway as i said, im in a funk! Its all doom and gloom, and quite frankly i need a good kick up the ass! so feel free! Rant done. Thanks.

x

[punksoab]

I hear where you're coming from... if you want to PM me about this then feel free to do so... I'll be happy to try to help you out... not exactly motherly advice but hey... the testosterone says I can't give that type of advice...

Hope you feel better ;.;

[John]

Hi Betty,

Im really sorry you are feeling like this, but I can assure you things can and will get better, you just to need stick in there, and I know it is so hard, but you can do it. I agree with you when you say life can be a pain in the Ass, but I also think life is the best thing you will ever do it can get really hard sometimes but it also has so much potential for so much reward, and feel goods. Just keep at it, and come here to AS and we will do our best to support you.

Welcome to AS

Take Care,

-biggestfoot-

[teazle]

Hi and welcome to AS

I hope you find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

[blossums]

Hi Atomic Betty

Sorry you feel so low just now, I can relate to what you say big time, am a mum wanting over-eating smoker too!

Am just starting to find that if I can allow myself to feel the way I feel then the cravings reduce a little but to let myself feel the way i feel it really helps if there's a bit of support there! Hope your counselling session goes well!

Have found some of that here, hope you can too

Best Wishes

[determined 1]

Boy do I remember that feeling vividly, your so not alone in this.

Blessings my friend,

"D"

[AmyLyn]

Welcome to AS, you are not alone anymore.

[atomicbetty]

I hear where you're coming from... if you want to PM me about this then feel free to do so... I'll be happy to try to help you out... not exactly motherly advice but hey... the testosterone says I can't give that type of advice...

Hope you feel better ;.;

Thanks Punksoab, tell u what, when i work out how to pm here maybe i will! lol. U gotta laugh. Such a tired binty head right now. grrrrr. Thanks

[atomicbetty]

Hi Betty,

Im really sorry you are feeling like this, but I can assure you things can and will get better, you just to need stick in there, and I know it is so hard, but you can do it. I agree with you when you say life can be a pain in the Ass, but I also think life is the best thing you will ever do it can get really hard sometimes but it also has so much potential for so much reward, and feel goods. Just keep at it, and come here to AS and we will do our best to support you.

Welcome to AS

Take Care,

-biggestfoot-

Thnaks biggestfoot. Ur right i know. Life is getting better around me its just this - and ill get past this. Thanks for pointing out there is always a ray of light, when im like this it needs ponting out!! thank you

[atomicbetty]

Hi and welcome to AS

I hope you find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

Thanks Teazle x

[atomicbetty]

Hi Atomic Betty

Sorry you feel so low just now, I can relate to what you say big time, am a mum wanting over-eating smoker too!

Am just starting to find that if I can allow myself to feel the way I feel then the cravings reduce a little but to let myself feel the way i feel it really helps if there's a bit of support there! Hope your counselling session goes well!

Have found some of that here, hope you can too

Best Wishes

Thanks Blossums! So nice to know im not alone! And good advice - thank you very much. So do i - ill let u know i expect! another rant no doubt! x

[atomicbetty]

Boy do I remember that feeling vividly, your so not alone in this.

Blessings my friend,

"D"

Thanks hun. Coming here is making me realise that! x

[atomicbetty]

Welcome to AS, you are not alone anymore.

Thanks hun x (nice lyrics btw)

[survivor07]

I know with that feeling of not having a mother is like, i struggle with it everyday. Im on the edge myself so all i can really say is try to hang in there. Its probably not much help, but know that you can always talk on here and we'll always listen, even when no one else does.

[felix4242]

thanks, i feel better knowing i'm not alone

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

[sadeyes22]

Hi welcome to AS I hope you find what you are looking for here. This is a wonderful place for support. I look forward to seeing you around the boards. Take care

:hug:

Sad