One Day At A Time

[cdnsurvivor33]

Hello Everyone!

I was so relieved to stumble upon this site. I was in an abusive relationship for two years and have a child from that relationship. I had left several times for weeks at a time but always went back believing it would get better. Finally realizing that this would not happen, I left for good with no contact. He found a way to get to me and ultimately tried to kill me and then he raped me.

He has been in jail (now prison) since the attack and was found guilty of attempted murder, aggrevated sexual assault, assault with a weapon...the list goes on and on, all guilty verdicts. The trial was horrendous but worth it to hear that word over and over again: "Guilty."

I have some issues (who wouldn't?) but I'm just trying to cope one day at a time. I try to tell myself (on the bad days) in the bathroom mirror that I am beautiful and I'm alive and I deserve to be here. I have the love of a perfectly imperfect child and the love of a wonderful, gentle new husband who adores us both. It is difficult for him to understand the complete lack of my libido, but he copes. This journey is not easy but it does get easier.

I do get on occaision, the priviledge of getting to help other survivors of domestic violence and rape by teaching self confidence. I work in the cosmetology industry and love to be able to make women over and teach them how to take care of themselves again. So many women have not even been allowed to get a decent haircut or wear make up unless it was to cover up bruises because their partners didn't want them to have attention from anyone else. It's a wonderful thing when I can help them find that they have an identity all their own and that every woman is beautiful whether she has her scars on the inside or the outside...for some of us it is both. For me, my scars tell a story of courage and survival and they say that "I am still here!"

If anyone would ever like to chat or write, it is always welcomed. Thank you for taking the time to hear my story.

Stay safe, stay strong and always stand your ground!

Susan

[CrimsonClover]

Hi Susan and welcome. glad you found AS. Congratulations on getting through the trial and your new relationship. that's wonderful.

Clover

[ladyscorpiana]

I bet it took a lot of courage to leave him. First, I want to say I'm sorry for what happened to you, nobody deserves that.

What a great way to give back to the community..helping women in your profession!! Kudos to you! That alone is rewarding and probably boosts your self confidence as well.

I'm glad you've found a supportive man in your life for yourself and your daughter. And! A guilty verdict is something every person hopes for..and you got it! Gosh, that has to feel good too. You have a lot to feel good about in your life, embrace it!

[cdnsurvivor33]

I bet it took a lot of courage to leave him. First, I want to say I'm sorry for what happened to you, nobody deserves that.

What a great way to give back to the community..helping women in your profession!! Kudos to you! That alone is rewarding and probably boosts your self confidence as well.

I'm glad you've found a supportive man in your life for yourself and your daughter. And! A guilty verdict is something every person hopes for..and you got it! Gosh, that has to feel good too. You have a lot to feel good about in your life, embrace it!

Thank you for your response and kind words. You're right, no one does deserve that and I am a firm believer in "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger!" So I keep venting when I need to and going forward always. My child deserves to see her mom living like she's alive!! I try to do something she thinks is completely and hilariously crazy every day so she knows I've still got it. (Love for life that is!)

take good care,

cdnsurvivor3

[cdnsurvivor33]

Thank you, Clover

[Yvettelouise]

Welcome, what an amazing person you are, very inspiring, I hope you find what you need here.

Yvette

[cdnsurvivor33]

Thank you, Yvette. Just trying to help out any way I can. I'm a work in progress like everybody else. We all have our good, bad and ugly days, don't we? Thanks for the hugs!!!

Susan

[angelic]

welcome susan, nice to have you with us

[Saltywaters]

Welcome!!

Jo

[John]

Hey Susan...

Welcome to AS..

It sounds like you give those women a true sense of self identity when you do there make up....GOOD JOB!!!!

Im really sorry your partner did this to you, but I guess he is where he belongs now,

I am so happy you have a loving husband too... Thats really great,

Take Care,

-biggestfoot-

[teazle]

Hi and welcome to AS

I hope you find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

Your words encourage and speak of the beauty and compassion of your heart. Be strong sister! Edited November 10, 2007 by sisterinsurvival