Hi My Name Is Jewels

[justme_jewels]

I am so glad I found this place. I am 42 and have dealt with my child sexual abuse before. I know that things will trigger it back, but through therapy, I am finding that I have never really healed. I am so ready to heal. I am so tired. I don't want him to have the control anymore. I am so tired of being scared of the pain. I am really scared that I won't be able to heal. I have just really started talking about it to ppl I know. Before I would talk to a few ppl, but not many knew. I felt if they knew then they would know the * real me* and that me stills feels dirty, scared and very very bad. I know that I am not those things, well, except for scared, but knowing and believing it are two very different things. I am the great advoider and can manage to live a good life for a couple of years, then about every 5 to 7 yrs it comes back out.

This time in therapy has been so different. I went for Pain Mgmt counseling. As the trust grew with my therapist, the truth about me came spilling out. I mean I was honest on my intake, but acted like it wasn' t an issue any more.

I have alot of changes going on in my life. I am so ready to heal. It is time. I have alot of self awareness now and I see so much, but I still don't know the road to true healing. I hope I am on the right path though.

That's all for now. I might try to post my story. It seems that once I have started talking about it, it comes alot easier, but the more I talk, the more memories that are flooding back. I know that I have a tiny bit of hope that I will walk through the darkness and come out and see the light. But gosh that darkness is so darn scary. Everytime, I have got close to it, I have used some way to stuff it all back down.

Thanks for reading this if you made it this far.

Jewels

[CrimsonClover]

Welcome Jewels. I'm glad you found AS. congratulations on your path to healing, I hope we can help you.

Clover

[sadeyes22]

Hi welcome to AS I hope you find what you are looking for here. This is a wonderful place for support. I look forward to seeing you around the boards. Take care

:hug:

Sad

[Beeper1]

I am so glad I found this place. I am 42 and have dealt with my child sexual abuse before. I know that things will trigger it back, but through therapy, I am finding that I have never really healed. I am so ready to heal. I am so tired. I don't want him to have the control anymore. I am so tired of being scared of the pain. I am really scared that I won't be able to heal. I have just really started talking about it to ppl I know. Before I would talk to a few ppl, but not many knew. I felt if they knew then they would know the * real me* and that me stills feels dirty, scared and very very bad. I know that I am not those things, well, except for scared, but knowing and believing it are two very different things. I am the great advoider and can manage to live a good life for a couple of years, then about every 5 to 7 yrs it comes back out.

This time in therapy has been so different. I went for Pain Mgmt counseling. As the trust grew with my therapist, the truth about me came spilling out. I mean I was honest on my intake, but acted like it wasn' t an issue any more.

I have alot of changes going on in my life. I am so ready to heal. It is time. I have alot of self awareness now and I see so much, but I still don't know the road to true healing. I hope I am on the right path though.

That's all for now. I might try to post my story. It seems that once I have started talking about it, it comes alot easier, but the more I talk, the more memories that are flooding back. I know that I have a tiny bit of hope that I will walk through the darkness and come out and see the light. But gosh that darkness is so darn scary. Everytime, I have got close to it, I have used some way to stuff it all back down.

Thanks for reading this if you made it this far.

Jewels

I know just how you feel. I'm 32 and have convinced myself that it doesnt affect me, but if im real, i know that it has and that until i heal i will never be whole. i also know those feelings too well...Looking forward to chatting, it seems like we have found the right place..Good luck on your journey. :hug:

[justme_jewels]

Thanks for the welcome. It feels nice to be understood.

[Saltywaters]

Welcome!!

Jo

[John]

Hi Jewels,

Welcome to AS..!!

Hope you find it supportive and you find some healing here, I'm sorry you have had to experience CSA... But you are taking steps here to find healing, so I admire you.

Take Care,

-biggestfoot-

[Yvettelouise]

I am only new but welcome, hope it helps you.

Yvette

[angelic]

hi Jewels, I.m a 43 year old CSA survivor too. Welcome to AS

PM me if you need to talk, i have been dealing with my past for a long time too.

best wishes, Paula

[probably]

Welcome to AS jewells

[teazle]

Hi and welcome to AS

i hope you find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

[AmyLyn]

Welcome to AS

[just_me0800]

hey from one just me to another

welcome to AS

pm me anytime

Just_me

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!