Not Really "new", But...

[Roona66]

Hello, everyone

My name is Susan...I joined AS last month, and since then I've spent a LOT of time reading, relating, and wishing there was no need for this wonderful place. There is so much knowledge to be had here; I hope everyone absorbs a bit of the hope and strength I've seen in this community!

Three years ago, I decided I couldn't take one more day of city life...the noise, the crime, the struggle of constantly working to make ends meet in such an overpriced ghetto...I wanted out. I needed a fresh start, away from old ghosts and the pain of a failed marriage, away from everyone and everything. I did my research, and decided on Kansas. I sold my house in Rhode Island, hopped a plane, and spent a month here checking out real estate. After 81 viewings, I found a lovely little country home in the middle of nowhere--perfect! Went back East, packed up what was most important, and headed out.

It is, by far, the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am at peace, and each new day is full of promise. I love the long, meandering walks, the fresh air, the solitude, and the closeness to nature. The change of scenery has allowed me to "disconnect" from old habits and people who were not good for me...and I am learning new things about myself every day.

For the last couple of months, I've had some pretty ugly memories of my childhood start to "resurface", after a decade of relative inactivity. I thought I had put those experiences to rest long ago with the help of a great therapist, but I'm finding that not to be the case at all...however, I feel I am finally ready, and in a safe enough place (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually), to face my past head on.

I'm taking baby steps for now, as I'm not used to the unpredictability of the healing process anymore...I find myself bursting into tears at the strangest moments. Sometimes I wish it (healing) could just be "over", but then, what would I learn? Like the quote I used for my daughter's high school yearbook: it is not the destination which matters, but the journey.

For me, this journey is necessary...I can't go forward until I "go back".

Peace and light to you all

[CrimsonClover]

Hi Susan. Thank you for sharing. You seem very strong and I am glad you are here and that you are finding some peace.

[Saltywaters]

Welcome!!

Jo

[angelic]

Hi Roona, I am a CSA survivor too. I hope being at AS will be as helpful to you as it has been to me. Welcome!!

Paula

[CJ]

Hi Susan! welcome to AS!

[teazle]

Hi and welcome to AS

I hope you find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

[mawa]

Roona66- it's a pleasure to have you here!!

What a brave and adventurous soul you must have to start fresh in a new place!

Edited October 9, 2007 by mawa

[ladyscorpiana]

I love how you put this....

Be well on your journey.

For me, this journey is necessary...I can't go forward until I "go back".

Peace and light to you all

[sadeyes22]

Hi Welcome to AS I hope you find what you are looking for here. This is a wonderful place for support. I look forward to seeing you around the boards. Take care!

:hug:

Sad

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!