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Guest chrissyk0877

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Guest chrissyk0877

Hi, I've just recently begun to have "feelings,emotions" resurface from my past, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with them. I thought I could try talking to others like me. It's scary how many of "us" are out there. I think I might need to see somebody. I was in therapy for a short while before my husband (then boyfriend) found out about "it." I stopped seeing my counselor shortly after that. I don't know what to do with these feelings, emotions. I want someone to "fix" me. It's a shame that we didn't do anything wrong, and yet we are the ones who must live with the "consequences" of someone else's actions for the rest of our lives. Sometimes I can go a few days without thinking about "it." Other times, I am constantly reminded of "it." At times, I feel naked and exposed. I want to cover myself. After reading more on the after effects of sexual abuse, things are making more sense. (Excuse the graphic details)...when I feel as though I have done something wrong, I want to punish myself. As an argument occurs, I am thinking to myself what can I do to punish myself. I can see a knife blade sliding down my forearm and as the blood drips, I think to myself how much better I feel. ( Don't worry, I have only followed through with this a time or two, a long time ago) I sure wish my husband could understand that these feelings, emotions don't have anything to do with my feelings for him. I haven't said anything about the resurfacing of these feelings. The last time I told him about how I was feeling, our relationship almost ended and I did follow through with punishment. He just could not understand that my not wanting to be "touched" was not related to him. He took it as a direct blow towards him. Not the case. Thanks for listening.

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Guest butterfly

WELCOME TO THE BOARD :greet::greet:

You have taken a big step on your road to healing just by being here and sharing.

You should think about getting yourself back in therapy, healing is a long

painful road and you need all the support you can get. Maybe your husband

can even join you in a session or two to try and better understand what your

dealing with. Husbands are hard...it's all hard, but I know what your going

through. My husband tries so hard to understand, I feel

bad for putting him through this....but, it's not my fault....I can't help it...

like I tell him, just hang in there, I will get through this.

I too feel like I need to punish myself if I've done something wrong. My thought

are the same as yours.

I'm so glad you found your way here :hug::throb: I'm sure you will find

much support.

Take good care of yourself :throb::throb::throb:

Butterfly :hug::throb::hug:

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Welcome and I hope that being here helps in your healing journey .. :hug:

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welcome to the boards :greet:

hope you find all the support and helpyou need here :throb:

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((((((Chrissyk0877)))))))

Welcome to AS hun. :hug:

(((Hugs)))

Donna =)

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