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What Is It About Forced Sex...

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i think sex (especially virginity) has an essence of innocence to it. it is also the way we are most vulnerable. it is something we keep private and decide what to do with. when someone takes that power and control away from you, and violates you- it is such a profound invasion.

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I couldn't have said it better myself- but perhaps, I'd only like to add that it seems to make targets of those who are openly survivors (which is a type of punishment for something that is not only NOT the survivors fault, but also something he or she can never change).

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thank you for this post. i needed something like that today.

i HATE the fact that this was done to me. I HATE that i didn't have the choice and I HATE the fact that the repercussions of this mean that i hurt myself sometimes, I make terrible choices (too often), I come across to others as crazy because i can be really easily triggered and reactive.

i am so badly trying to reclaim my life and feeling so incredibly frustrated at how hard it is.

anyways, thanks for taking the time to refute the taboo and give support to your fellow survivors.

:hug: if ok

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  • 2 weeks later...

melsv - I once was told that when I wasn't ready to hear it. It made me so angry because it felt like another person trying to silence me (they told me not to tell people openly because abusers and perps will zone in on you) but I get it now. It's very unfortunate. Nothing fair about it all.

briarrosa - I hate that it happened to you too and that the aftermath is so painful. It's so hard to heal and rebuild your life after whats happened but know you are doing your best and that is more than good enough. It's a huge trauma and ait takes a lot of time to heal these wounds well enough to make healthier choices and to desensitize the flashbacks and triggers. Go easy on yourself... you are trying and that means a lot. It means that you are strong and wise... you know what it takes to get through this... it just takes longer than we'd like.

Sending both of you respect and endurance.

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Kalalau thank you so much for this post. Sometimes I get completely thrown off guard by emotions and flashbacks of things whiach have happened in the past, and I feel like I am being self pitying and over reacting to something that happened once, a long time ago. You have laid out the complexity of it all, and how it is actually a big deal in such a logical way. I feel really empowered to read that it is a big deal, and a logical reasoning behind why it is such a big deal. This is something I have never been able to properly reason out in my own head.

Thank you so much. I am saving your post on my laptop and will read it again when I next feel I am spinning out of control.

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  • 3 months later...
:flowers: Kat, that was powerful! You are so right when you say we cannot change what has happened to us, etc. Sexual violation is I think , the hardest thing to deal with in life. It takes away your ability to trust, fills your life with fear, and leaves you with wounds that often take years to heal.

And of course, it is still such a taboo subject, certainly in this country, that it makes it more difficult for victims to come forward and report it, or talk about it , or ask for help.

Once again, thanks for that amazing post,

best wishes, Paula

I think angelic said it perfect.But also I think one of the hardest things is that even if you report it then it may not go to trial.

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  • 9 months later...

:tear: I so needed to hear this right now...

Neelia - I couldn't have said it any other way about myself than what you have said. In church not long ago, my minister was giving examples of traumatic incidences from which some might struggle to regain emotional freedom. He used the R word, describing it as a brutal attack and for the rest of the sermon I could barely breathe. Afterward, I wondered at my reaction, why it was such a big deal and what actually made my R a big deal and why it would be considered a brutal attack. I had convinced myself that I had been overreacting, my PTSD was just me being dramatic, my depression a large-scale pity party and subsequent hospitalization simply that I couldn't handle something that others could.

I thought I was the only one who questioned myself like this and while I'm so sorry that you have all been through this, I thank you for sharing your thoughts. It really helps to have a logical, well versed explanation and I too will be hanging on to this for future reference.

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