Hi... New Here (maybe Some Triggers?)

[beyondbelief]

Hi everyone, I'm new here (obviously!). I've been reading the board for a couple of days now but haven't been able to post. I'm still kind of "blocked" and can't say that much but I do want to say that this board has already made a huge difference to me. Finally there are people out there going through the same things as me and I don't seem so .... "wrong"... now. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, my very basic story is I'm 25 and from Australia. I was sexually abused when I was a young kid, physically abused when I was a bit older, and sexually assaulted when I was a teenager.

I've never had any sexual desires, which Im guessing is probably due to being "done" when I was so young... but I'm no expert so I don't know. I've had severe major depression for the past 4 years, and I had a less severe depression for about 6 years before that. I am also a self-injurer.

I have had problems with eating disorders... Pretty much gone the full circle there. I started off a bit overweight, then became anorexic, then bullemic... now I'm more into the whole over-eating thing and am obese I do it to numb my feelings, and because really food is the only thing that is ALWAYS there... I feel safe when I eat. But then after I've eaten I feel soooo guilty and don't want to leave the house Also, I can never ever eat in front of anyone.

All sexual things in the media... tv shows, music videos, jokes etc make me very uncomfortable.

Naked men scare me. Actually, the very thought that a man CAN be naked freaks me out.

I don't trust people... But I struggle to make myself because I WANT someone who I can trust. I don't believe anyone can truly love me... And I keep making myself even more unlovable every day.

If someone gives me a compliment I assume there's something wrong with me... Yesterday someone said they like my haircut... So I went home and asked my mum "whats wrong with my hair?".

One of the hardest experiences in my life has been something really trivial to most people... I did a first aid course and it was a VERY hot summer day... about 45 degrees celsius and there was no airconditioning... Obviously you have to touch people in a 1st aid course and also BE touched... By sweaty men I forced my way through everything (with a big jacket and long pants on) but one of the last things we had to do was let someone blindfold you and lead you around. I couldnt do that. I passed the course but I still havent recovered from it and that was 6 months ago...

Anyway, that's the basics. Ive never written so much about this.

I'm glad I found this place.

[Justice Fighter]

Hello and welcome to AS

Im sorry you went through everything that you did

i hope you find the support that you need here

I'm 15 and im also from Australia so G'day!

Love JT

[Lexi]

Welcome to AS.

Hi, I'm Lexi and also a self injurer. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me.

[Survivors sanctuary]

Welcome ..

[sisterinsurvival]

Yahoo, !
We love you, and are glad you've found AfterSilence!

[teazle]

Hi beyondbelief

welcome to AS. I hope you can find what you're looking for here

take care of yourself

teazle

[athenaxena]

Hi

Welcome to AS We're glad to have you. Take gentle care and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

~Sarah~

[melissa]

Hello and Welcome to AS!!!

I hope you find many friends here.

You are a very brave woman coming out and talking right off the bat! Congrats for you!

Take care, see you around,

Melissa

[tia4181]

Welcome to AS

As is a good place for support and friend so welcome

[Lene]

Welcome to AS beyondbelief

Lene

[wonderful willow]

welcome to AS. im glad it has helped you already.

please dont ever think your story is beyond belief, cos it isnt to us. ok?

willow

xxx

[angelic]

Hi and welcome, thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find what you're looking for here. There is a lot of support and friendship here. I've only been here about 7 weeks or so, and I'm glad I found this plcae. good luck on your healing journey.

[Wishy]

Welcome to after silence hun, you're not alone with these feelings, i promise

[Butterflyangelbaby]

Welcome to AS

[summerb]

Welcome to AS.This is a great and safe place for support I hope you find what you are looking for.

Take Care,Summerb