Hi I'm New....

[Moon Wolf]

I'm new to this...especially talking about it...and I have some questions that I would like answered...preferably before I tell my story so I don't put the wrong name on something...

My questions are:

1. If you just met the person and spent only a few hours with them....is it stranger rape or acquaintance rape?

2. Has anyone ever been abused by someone younger than yourself?

3. My last question is one that has bothered me for a long time...What if you knew what was going to happen if you stopped when someone called out your name...but yet you still stopped?? Does that mean you have asked for it somehow??

Ok sorry...I was just wondering.

[Guest WhiteWolf]

Hi Moon Wolf!

Annother Wolf! Eeek, I shall have to start p*ssing up tree's now to mark my teritory haha! (Just kidding). If you see "Wolfie" referred to about the place, don't worry- is probably my name going through the mud again not yours... just to reassure ya ;-)

Welcome to AS, takes nerve to join a site like this and I'm always glad to see annother survivor make it into a new support system. Hope it gives you even half of what it's given/is still giving me.

Regards your questions, my point of views are these...

1. Aquaintance or stranger, is down to the survivor to make a judgement call on that one. It's not for anyone else to tell us our experiences, it's for us as survivors to tell them our way. If it were me, I'd say aquaintance, but if you prefer stranger, well it's just a bit of terminology. And terminology's not the most important issue, so you go right ahead and use whatever works for you.

2. Not me, but I bet we have members who have. I havecertainly spoken to people (not saying if it was here or not) who have, so don't worry about being the odd one out.

3. Catagorically, deffinatly, NOT your fault. No way. I am adamant in my view on that one. I firmly believe the only person ever accountable for the rape is the rapist. And I have said this before, and I bloody well mean it too... I don't care if you walked into a room full of drunks wearing nothing but a bikini, bent over to show your clevage and slurred "hellooo boys", the minute you said or indicated that you weren't willing for the next stage then that act is an act of abuse/rape. No you didn't ask for it. And anyone who thinks you did- well I need a chat with them!

xx Wolfie (the orignal Wolfie haha)

PS- Welcome, sincerely. All jesting about the username aside, welcome.

[Diana]

Welcome to AS Moon Wolf!

I've had a shot at answering your questions, and I haven't read any other replies so I'm sorry if I repeat things!

1. If you just met the person and spent only a few hours with them....is it stranger rape or acquaintance rape?

Stranger rape and acquaintance rape are both just labels so not every form of rape will fit into boxes like that. I understand that it can feel important to be able to label what happened, but I don't think a label is helpful in this case. Somebody who was raped by someone they'd known for a few hours would probably face similar issues to both stranger rape survivors and acquaintance rape survivors. Why is this distinction important to you?

2. Has anyone ever been abused by someone younger than yourself?

I haven't, but I know it can and does happen. Whether the abuser is older or younger, it is still abuse. If this situation applies to you: it wasn't your fault, you didn't want it and your feelings are entirely valid. I'm sure you'll find people here on AS who have been abused by someone younger than themselves.

3. My last question is one that has bothered me for a long time...What if you knew what was going to happen if you stopped when someone called out your name...but yet you still stopped?? Does that mean you have asked for it somehow??

No. I worry about whether I 'asked for it' a lot myself and I think many of us do. We didn't fight back, didn't say no, wore tight-fitting clothes, acted flirty with the person who later hurt us... I don't want to minimise what happened to you, I just want you to know that you're not alone with feelings like that. There is a reason why you stopped and you yourself know that it wasn't because you wanted to be hurt. You didn't ask for it and it's not your fault.

I hope you find AS as friendly and supportive as I have. Take care,

Diana x

[Leah™]

I think your questions are very well answered above.. so I’d just like to say greetings and welcome to After Silence hun!

Looking forward to seeing you around the forums and getting to know you a little better. I hope you find this place to be as splendid and supportive as I have.

Take care and best wishes for the new year my dear

Much love from Leah XxX

[Butterflyangelbaby]

Welcome to AS

[drowning000]

Welcome to AS, well everyones answerd your questions and i couldnt agree more.

racheal

[nicole m.]

I can't add anything that the others haven't already said.

So welcome!

Hope you find the support you need.

[~Mandy~]

Welcome to AS.

Take Care

Mandy

[Moon Wolf]

I just really needed to know what to call it...I feel that if I don't have a name for what happened to me...then how can I heal from it...

Welcome to AS Moon Wolf!

I've had a shot at answering your questions, and I haven't read any other replies so I'm sorry if I repeat things!

1. If you just met the person and spent only a few hours with them....is it stranger rape or acquaintance rape?

Stranger rape and acquaintance rape are both just labels so not every form of rape will fit into boxes like that. I understand that it can feel important to be able to label what happened, but I don't think a label is helpful in this case. Somebody who was raped by someone they'd known for a few hours would probably face similar issues to both stranger rape survivors and acquaintance rape survivors. Why is this distinction important to you?

2. Has anyone ever been abused by someone younger than yourself?

I haven't, but I know it can and does happen. Whether the abuser is older or younger, it is still abuse. If this situation applies to you: it wasn't your fault, you didn't want it and your feelings are entirely valid. I'm sure you'll find people here on AS who have been abused by someone younger than themselves.

3. My last question is one that has bothered me for a long time...What if you knew what was going to happen if you stopped when someone called out your name...but yet you still stopped?? Does that mean you have asked for it somehow??

No. I worry about whether I 'asked for it' a lot myself and I think many of us do. We didn't fight back, didn't say no, wore tight-fitting clothes, acted flirty with the person who later hurt us... I don't want to minimise what happened to you, I just want you to know that you're not alone with feelings like that. There is a reason why you stopped and you yourself know that it wasn't because you wanted to be hurt. You didn't ask for it and it's not your fault.

I hope you find AS as friendly and supportive as I have. Take care,

Diana x

[Donna]

Welcome to the group.

[Lindy]

Hi Moon Wolf and welcome to After Silence

[Katia60]

Hi Moon Wolf,

I don't think that having the correct label or not can stop you from healing. But I understand, you are saying you need it. And so I take that seriously.

I would call it the kind of rape that it felt like, if I felt like this was someone I felt close to and trusted even though I only knew them a short period of an hour or two; I would call it aquiantance rape. If it was someone that I met and talked to a little but did not trust or feel any connection to and he raped me; I would call it stranger rape.

How did you feel about this person? Does one label fit better to you than the other? Do you feel the need to put a different label onto it? You don't have to be limited by what we call things, you can create a new label that fits better for you, if you feel the need and it helps you to heal.

I was not abused by someone younger than me, but I will still consider it abuse. I'm sorry that you went through that. That would be hard for me to cope with.

And finally I do not believe that any person who is sexually abused at any time ever did anything to cause or deserve abuse.

I wanted to say hello to you in your intro thread as I really like to read your post and getting to know you better.

Gentle and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

[Ems]

Welcome to AS!

Everyone has answered the questions so I just wanted to say hello!

Em

[Formula_PJ]

<----male survivor

There is never a circumstance where the survivor is guilty, at fault, responsible or wrong.

If you did not want the contact to happen, thats where it ends. If you protested, he was in the wrong, no questions asked.

Welcome to AS. Feel free to PM me anytime. I sometimes come off as a hard-ass, but I'm not really.

You have only one duty now. Survive. Thats it.

I'll pray for you, all luck to you!!!!!!!

[natalia]

I understand where you are coming from with wanting to "name it". I was very, very hesitant to describe recent circumstances as "rape". I discussed this with my counsellor, and she asked me if I would call it "sex without consent". I said "Yes, absolutely!". She replied (very gently): "Well, sex without consent *IS* rape".

This really helped me.

[teazle]

hi moonwolf

welcome to AS. I hope you find the answers, support and help you are looking for.

take care of yourself

teazle