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Friend In Need!

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Hello to you all, i'm new to this forum,

I'm a asian male from the UK, a very close pakastani friend of mine told me how see was raped by her father when she was little.

She has been self-harming, trying to commit suicide, scared of relationships and is finding it very hard to 'cope' with the physcolgical effect of the rape and abuse. I have been her friend from a young age, and its my fault that I did not detect that something was wrong.

I've been reading alot about child abuse and was sickened to find how many victims their are. I'm trying my best to help and support her, can anyone give me advice please, being asian has made it harder for her as the asian community tries to brush it under the carpet and won't accept that rape and child abuse occurs in their community.

Please can you give advice expecially if your a survivor of asian background.

Thankyou for your time.

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Hi,

You are already doing the best thing that you can. You are supporting and listening to your friend and now she does not have to weather the pain alone. Your honest and true friendship will do wonders. She will know through you that she is not to blame, that she is accepted and that she is very important. If she choses to, She may need support in finding professional help a counselor to help coach her through the healing process. I'm sure you will get some very good ideas from others here at After Silence and I wish good health and happiness for you and your friend.

Take Care,

George

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HI

Welcome to AS

I think that your friend is lucky to have a friend like you.

It is sad that there are so many survivors of sexual abuse in this world, but i guess at least we know we are not alone.

Your friend is not alone.

Just to pick up on something you said in your post.:

I have been her friend from a young age, and its my fault that I did not detect that something was wrong
It is NOT your fault at all, its one of thoise things that are hard to detect, in many instances of abuse we are groomed and often threatened so as surivivors we learn to hide things.

being asian has made it harder for her as the asian community tries to brush it under the carpet and won't accept that rape and child abuse occurs in their community.

This is sad, sad, but also a fact in a few 'communities', awareness is increasing but in the meantime it does not help many survivors.

My advice to your friend would be to go and see a counsellor, as talking helps, and it often helps to talk to someone who is not involved personally or emotionally in your life... would you friend come here to AS?

My advice to you would be to take things slowly with her , don't push her into talking, listen to her when she wants to talk, reassure her when she wants reasurance and tell her how much she means to you as a friend, and that you will always be there for her.

Take care

Dawn

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Hi,

Thankyou everyone for your advice. Counselling is out of the question because she rang a helpline years back and they said she was to blame as her body was responding. She will not go to anyone for help as she thinks they will blame her. I will however try and get her to atleast take a look at this site.

Thankyou.

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Greetings and welcome to after silence.. it's wonderfull to know there are people out ther like yourself who truely care about their friends :)

I hope you find alot of help and support here :hug:

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