Peeking Out From Under The Covers....

[DayZy]

... it feels like this is what I do my entire life. I find where I am safe, I hide there... and only sometimes do I feel that I'm safe enough to look out from behind where I'm hiding to see what the rest of the world is doing.

It doesn't feel as though there is anyone in my world who can understand what it is I try to tell them, or anyone who can offer me solace in the torture I set upon myself.

I'm facing what feels like the end of the world.... and it sounds so completely ridiculous to admit... the therapist who started peeling back the layers of my life two years ago, who has held my hand through some of the most difficult moments I've ever faced, is having a baby and leaving for a year. She was the one person in the world who acted as though they understood, did not judge me, and helped me to make sense of the issues I'm facing. Now I feel that I've been dragged out to sea, and in a few weeks I will be left without a life preserver and with no land in sight. I'm not sure how long I can stay afloat on my own. When it starts to hurt, it hurts so bad... and when it affects my everyday life, the part of me that is capable of being happy and successful, it hurts even more.

I just want to know that someone else in the world can hear my voice and speak my language. That's all.

[Donna]

I'm glad to see you decided to peek out and say hello hun. Make yourself as comfy as you would like and welcome.

[drowning000]

welcome along hun.. im sure there will be plenty of people here who understand you.. ive got a strong feeling being here on AS will help you when ur counsellor goes away.. so use this board as much as you need to.. we are all here for each other and suport each other as much as we can.. so if anything is bothering you, dont be afriad to pull back the cover.

Racheal

[brobbitt]

Hi Dayzy and welcome to the group...

"It feels like this is what I do my entire life. I find where I am safe, I hide there... and only sometimes do I feel that I'm safe enough to look out from behind where I'm hiding to see what the rest of the world is doing."

So you rarely allow people to see the real you? But here you are being brave, daring to show yourself and what everyoine here see's is more than good enough. Given how difficult this must have been for you, well done to you fir being brave..

"It doesn't feel as though there is anyone in my world who can understand what it is I try to tell them, or anyone who can offer me solace in the torture I set upon myself."

So , over a period of time you have spoken to a number of people and none of them have heard the things you have really been saying and this causes you great pain, you so want them to hear you :o(

"I'm facing what feels like the end of the world.... and it sounds so completely ridiculous to admit... the therapist who started peeling back the layers of my life two years ago, who has held my hand through some of the most difficult moments I've ever faced, is having a baby and leaving for a year. She was the one person in the world who acted as though they understood, did not judge me, and helped me to make sense of the issues I'm facing."

I felt so sad when reading this part of your note and I know how difficult endings can be within counselling, for the client (and the counsellor too belive ot or not). You found a place of safety there and now it feels like that is being taken away (doesn't feel like it, it is actually being taken away). Endings are always tough and I am hoping that your counsellor finds a way to make this a little more positive for you. Whilst it doesn't feel like it right now for you, there are other counsellors who will be able to allow you to finish what you began. Maybe speak to your current counsellor about this and ask her to make a reccommendation. The other thing is that you are yet to test your resolve without your counsellor, and you may suprise yourself in how strong you have become. From another perspective you are here now too, and there is no judgement here, only support and understanding and I hope that you find this by the bucket load..

"I'm not sure how long I can stay afloat on my own."

You may surprise yourself..so hope so!!

"When it starts to hurt, it hurts so bad... and when it affects my everyday life, the part of me that is capable of being happy and successful, it hurts even more."

Then it feels like there is much more to deal with doesn't it and is why I suggest that you find another counsellor and build a relationship within that, to help you to deal with that terrible hurt :o(

"I just want to know that someone else in the world can hear my voice and speak my language. That's all."

I hear you, the other members here not only hear you they can associate so closely with you and how you feel too. Use this place as a kind of life raft for now, a raft that allows you a safety net whilst you consider your other options.

Wishing you so much luck with this...

Brian

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

I am sorry to hear that your councellpr is leaving soon - but you have already made a start on continueing your healing -you have joined this site. You have recognised that you need support and understanding and you went out and found it. You do have the strenght and courage to do this - I am sure your councellor would recommend someone to you. I hope that you can see this as a new chapter in your healing and not a step backwards - it may take some adjusting too - but you have the people here to support you through it as well

Best wishes

karen

[dogwood32]

You are so strong for taking the steps your doing now..more so then you really know and your much stronger then me..welcome, We are not going anywhere and we are here for you when you need us.. ..Stephen

[star]

I just want to say that I think I can understand how you feel and I know how scary it is. i once lived in a theraputic community for a year which involved intense psychotherapy with a therapist. It really helped me - but it was SO hard to leave her. She had helped me so much and been through everything with me, she was the only person I'd told stuff. i have to say it was really hard when I left there, and I cried alot, but what was really good about the whole thing was that I was able to share with her how hard it was and how much I was going to miss her. That kind of ackowlegement for some reason really helped me.

So how are things now? Well I still think of her sometimes and about once a year I write to her to tell her how things are going. Its okay now, I dont feel so terrible about it, time was a good healer and I got through a time that I thought I'd never get through. The good thing for you is that she's coming back.

i know its really hard but my advice would be that its healthy to have lots of feelings about this and its good to express them to her and others rather than bottling them up. I guess you've got to try and find someone else who can support you over the next year.

Anyway, sorry for my ramblings, basically I just wanted to say you are not alone and I understand how hard it is when you've trusted someone and they leave.

Hang in there! x x

[Becky]

welcome to AS

[Butterflyangelbaby]

Welcome to As Glad to have you here

[smilingtears]

Welcome to AS!!!!!

We are very glad you're here, hope you stick around for us to get to know one another.

God bless,

Kristine