...hi

[AmyLyn]

.......I'm leaving AS.

I have a few things to say, not that anyone will listen...but I need the satisfaction of knowing that I confronted all of you.

The way you all have treated me over the past couple of years has not been acceptable by any stretch of the imagination. I have gotten some of my worst secondary woundings from members here. And it's F*cking pathetic. And I'm not taking it anymore and pretending that it doesn't hurt. It does hurt.

I have been nothing but nice to all of you. But have I been shown the same respect? Nope. I've been personally attacked both in chat and on the boards, and of course...no moderator helped me. Because all of the moderators appear to hate my guts.

Example one: creating the BULLSHIT share your story "guidelines"...that talk about all this invalidation bullshit...how your posts aren't bumped up in that forum so newer stories stay on top. Do you all know why that is in place? It's me. Yep, my fault. Love it don't ya? I have been told both directly and indirectly by the moderators that my story does not deserve support because it's too long and too severe. Oh, I'm sorry...does that invalidate you? I hope so because you F*cking deserve it. That rule was my fault and it's F*cking pathetic. Shutting me down, and for what? I'm sorry if my life has invalidated you, but hey...it's the internet you losers. If you don't like it don't read it. But apparently that's not simple enough for you all...You have to whine and moan and b*tch all day long so people give you all kinds of sympathy for your self-destruction.

It makes me F*cking sick.

Pull your head out of your ass and do something about your life if you're so unhappy with it.

But of course you're going to hate me for that and whine about it for the next year or so. But no worries...I'll be long gone by then. I'm getting banned for this little number...and I am so happy that I'm almost crying.

If I invalidate you and hurt you...then stay the F*ck away from me. If my posts shock you, don't read them. If my posts hurt you, dont' care about me. Of course...with the exception of a few people(you know who you are), no one here cares about me. You all pretend to give a sh*t but none of you do, you just fake support so you can get sympathy and attention the next time you post some stupid sh*t about your life that really needs to be handled by a therapist.

I am not a therapist. And I am not God either. I cannot solve anyone's problems...and yet so many of you have felt a need to dump all of your crisis on me ever since you first saw me. And you think I like people who do that to me? Well, news flash...I don't like being used. And you all are fucked up for using me as a crisis line. I am F*cking 17 years old and I'm a survivor too, but that doesn't matter to any of you. Nope. All you care about is yourselves. Narcissistic bitches, I have had enough.

And how about the whole INVALIDATION topic? Yes, we have to go there...because apparently I invalidate every single person here by my mere existence. People here have told me on several occasions that my story is "too bad" and "too shocking/triggering/etc"...and people also feel a need to say "OMG U HAVE IT SO MUCH WORSE THAN ME"...Well, ok...fine, I ADMIT IT...MY STORY IS THE WORST ON THIS F*cking SITE! THERE, I F*cking SAID IT, F*cking BAN MY FAT ASS NOW!

I hate how all of you seem to only gawk at my story and never seem to want to get to know me as a person, because just as I already stated, none of you(with a few exceptions) care about me. I F*cking hate you all. F*ck you all for hurting me and driving me deeper and deeper into silence. You have hurt me beyond measure.

And also...there are so many FAKE survivors on this site it makes me want to throw up. And some of you are F*cking idiots...DID is NOT feeling like another person! OK, just thought you should know since it never seems to sink in that mental illness is NOT an attention seeking device.

And what is so great about posting about Self-injury while you're doing it? Oh yeah, to get more attention and stay trapped in victim mode constantly. Like I can really help you if you claim to be cutting as you're posting? Please. Give me a F*cking break. Call a crisis line if you're truly in crisis. No one can help you over the internet. My God.

I have a few confessions to make as well...I really do not like it here at all, for one thing. I do appreciate the few friendships I have made...but that is about it.

Moderators: remember when nika got banned from this site? Guess who helped her write the post that got her banned? Yes, it was me. And I enjoyed every second of it.

Another rule that is completely retarded, the whole "you can't delete your posts" rule that was made up because of ME again. Well, I have deleted all of my topics from here. So F*ck me. I am evil and bad.,..such a horrible sinner I am. I should never have control over things that I wrote...never, fucktards!

And the DID rule...about how alters can't post or chat? Well, I break that rule every F*cking day...I'm polyfragmented, switching kinda happens. Not like you can really tell over a computer, which is why I think this rule is retarded as well.

This site has never been healthy for me. Never. And I know that for many of you seeing me leave is going to be quite a shock. But I am beyond a point of being able to talk this out nicely...as you have obviously observed.

I am sick of your sh*t. YOU meaning, moderators and those very special members whom I despise with all my heart and soul(oh wait, I don't have a soul, I'm evil). I hope that you all will have a nice little "moan and b*tch until we die" session once I'm gone.

I hope that you all are F*cking happy now. You have kicked me out. I am leaving and never coming back.

Edited August 9, 2008 by AmyLyn

[Tulula]

hI Molly and welcome to AS

I hope you find what you are in need of here - always here to listen and offer encouragement and comfort.

I offer you the best of luck on your journey to a more wholesome life

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

Best wishes

karen

[smurfette]

Welcome to AS

[Lindy]

Hi Molly,

Welcome to After Silence

[Donna]

Welcome to AS Molly, make yourself comfy and right at home. :hug:

[foxy]

hi molly, welcome to AS

[Butterflyangelbaby]

Hey Molly

Welcome to AS

Glad to have you here

[against the current]

Molly

Welcome sweetie

[hanna-catherine]

hi MOlly

you're sweet with your kind comments to my posts

[AmyLyn]

s to everyone!

[Becky]

Welcome!