New Member

[cobehale]

Hi, I am a 34 yr old mother of 4 ages 8, 6, 5 and 2. I found your site after some internet searching on counselling. I was 17 when it happened and I never told anyone except my dh when we became engaged and even then it was the barest of details - almost as an after thought.

I kept it hidden for 17 years. During a rather emotional discussion a couple days ago, my mother finally found out about it. She has pressured/encouraged me to seek counselling. My dh is in complete agreement and is very supportive.

I am not quite sure how or what else to say. Talking - even writing about it - is physically draining and difficult. Dh and my mother feel that it has negatively impacted on every area of my life. My relationships, my choices, my self esteem, my body image, my health.

My biggest fear about the counselling is taking it all back out of that neat tidy little box I had it tucked away in. That little box that was tucked in the furthest corners of my heart and brain. If I take it all out I may never be able to put it away again and I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have these last couple of days. I almost feel as if it is happening all over again. I can't sleep, my stomach is constantly paining me, I have the most dreadful headache, I can't concentrate at work and I'm making lots of mistakes and all I do is snap at the kids and cry. Will it get better any better?

[Kalalau]

Hello Cobehale

Welcome to AS. I am glad that you found this site and are reaching out. You will find that we will definitely be reaching back! I am also sorry for all that you have endured, however, I look forward to getting to know you better.

Take care!

KM

[foxy]

My biggest fear about the counselling is taking it all back out of that neat tidy little box I had it tucked away in. That little box that was tucked in the furthest corners of my heart and brain. If I take it all out I may never be able to put it away again and I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have these last couple of days. I almost feel as if it is happening all over again. I can't sleep, my stomach is constantly paining me, I have the most dreadful headache, I can't concentrate at work and I'm making lots of mistakes and all I do is snap at the kids and cry. Will it get better any better?

Hi cobe, welcome to AS. I don't know if it will help to hear that I did pretty much what you say you did... kept everything to myself, shared only the barest details with my future husband, did the wife and kids bit and then 20 years later bang, it was there. The thought of counselling is a scary thought when you have kept it to yourself for so many years, but as you say yourself... family have been able to see and perhaps now understand to some extent how it has affected you, that negative impact you talk about. I began to realise with counselling that I hadn't actually been that great at hiding the effects from everyone. I hid from myself pretty well but it wasn't hidden from everyone else and it does have an impact on just about everything I decide to say and do day to day.

I keep mentioning this but that's because it makes so much sense to me... you talk when you are no longer at peace with your thoughts... the not sleeping, the concentration, the short temper, the headaches, the frustration, the confusion... at the start of the year I was just demented. I refer to it as my obsession phase. I couldn't get it out of my mind for even 2 seconds which was crazy after dealing with it on my own for 20 years! It reached the point when I was in danger of just grabbing someone off the street and shouting LISTEN TO ME but although there was this need to talk, I didn't want to talk.

What I'm trying to say out of all this is that talking to someone did help, and finding the right person to talk to, a counsellor who knew how to listen did help. It was not something I ever imagined I'd do but at the end of the day I knew I had to do something and that felt right. The sleeping is a lot better, the frustration is less, the obsession has eased, yes it does get better.

Take care, do whatever feels right for you

Edited October 4, 2006 by foxy

[~Catherine~]

Welcome to AS, hun

Catherine

[dodo]

hi and welcome to AS

Best wishes

karen

[Becky]

Welcome to AS

[clickheels3times]

Welcome

Hi, I am a 34 yr old mother of 4 ages 8, 6, 5 and 2. I found your site after some internet searching on counselling. I was 17 when it happened and I never told anyone except my dh when we became engaged and even then it was the barest of details - almost as an after thought.

I kept it hidden for 17 years. During a rather emotional discussion a couple days ago, my mother finally found out about it. She has pressured/encouraged me to seek counselling. My dh is in complete agreement and is very supportive.

I am not quite sure how or what else to say. Talking - even writing about it - is physically draining and difficult. Dh and my mother feel that it has negatively impacted on every area of my life. My relationships, my choices, my self esteem, my body image, my health.

My biggest fear about the counselling is taking it all back out of that neat tidy little box I had it tucked away in. That little box that was tucked in the furthest corners of my heart and brain. If I take it all out I may never be able to put it away again and I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I have these last couple of days. I almost feel as if it is happening all over again. I can't sleep, my stomach is constantly paining me, I have the most dreadful headache, I can't concentrate at work and I'm making lots of mistakes and all I do is snap at the kids and cry. Will it get better any better?

In your mind it may be in a tidy little box but if as you say it has imacted your life in so many ways it really hasn't been, It has been a poison in a tidy box slowly seeping out over the years. It is best to get rid of it and the best way for many is disclosure, to talk to someone to let it out. It can hurt you a lot less when you begin to let it go then when you continue to let it fester inside.

The symptoms you are going through now are normal for many abuse survivors, they happen to a lot of us, therapy or a doctor can help with these symptoms and counseing can help with the cause, and yes it does get better,

With love,

Sara

Edited October 4, 2006 by clickheels3times

[Butterflyangelbaby]

Hey Welcome to AS

Glad to have you here

[against the current]

Welcome to AS i'm certain that you'll find lots of support here honey.

[brobbitt]

I am in total awe of the wisdom and level of self understanding that exists within this group. The responses above are fantastic !!!

Brian

[Formula_PJ]

I am a male survivor. Welcome to the "family". I have been met with nothing but goodwill and kindness here, and I expect you will recieve the same. If you ever need a ear to talk into or a shoulder to cry on, look me up, I'm good for both

Good day and even better tomorrow!!!!

[Alex]

hi cobehale

Welcome to as!

Alex

[silenced]

Welcome to AS, I can relate to NOT wanting to talk about or emotionally process abuse issues, and yet I have also found that the answer, for me at least was to do the very things I don't want to do...like talk, counseling, coming here and writing....and yet it has ALL helped me.... I hope you find the healing that you need and deserve....I/we are here for you, welcome