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Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!


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She told me she hated me.

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You will never amout to anything.

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Here's one:

You tore the family apart. :cry::cry::cry:

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It's because of you our family is like this. UGH

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  • 2 weeks later...

You're not wanted.

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Reading this thread back.. so awful what people heard from others. All this cruelty and insensitivity abounds. Makes me want to put my perma-smile back on and never tell anyone anything.

:hug::hug::hug:

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my ex use to say to me u wont f@ck me but u would f@ck your father

Someone said to me once well its not as bad as being raped by a stranger

i'm so sorry that was said to you. that breaks my heart.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

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  • 4 weeks later...

I wish you were dead.......

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this is probably the worst one:

"I don't believe you."

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::sadang:

:hug::hug::hug: I believe you hun!!!

Love,

Found

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from my best friend when i eventually told her about what my instructor did to me:

OOoh, give me details!

like it was freaking gossip or something!

from most people i have told:

were you r*ped?" "No" "well, thank goodness for that. that's okay then"

like what happened was all fine. sure, it was only a year and a half or torturous hell destroying my life but AT LEAST he didn't r*pe me right?

and from my mum, who has actually been really great, but just a couple of comments really hit hard:

"Well, you were playing with fire wearing makeup like that" -for the record, i never wore anything but a light foundation and some lipgloss so i wouldn't bite my lips raw! (nervous habit, i would bite my lips and they'd get all sore, so bad tasting lip gloss was a good deterrent)

(when i was talking to her about the r*pe comment) you've said this before and i think you should be careful. since you weren't r*ped, you don't know what it's like. if you did you might consider yoursefl lucky.

cheers, that makes me feel so much better.

safe supportive hugs to everyone out there, wish we didn't have to put up with these types of invalidating comments!!

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

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Thank you.

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  • 3 weeks later...

"All women secretly want to be raped."

Are you stupid??

"Being raped would be the only way she'd get laid."

I was 13 when this was said about me.

"Just stop thinking about it. Duh."

Yeah..cuz that works.

"I'd never let a man do that to me. One hit and I'd be gone." (Talking about my physical abuse)

That comment makes me more mad than any other because people are so uneducated. Its not like they hit you after the first date or anything. They build up to it, gain your trust, make you depend on them and then start with a little shove or a slap here and it escalates. People are so stupid sometimes.

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  • 1 month later...

"You did kind of put yourself in that situation."

"I don't know why you make yourself so upset."

"Maybe he was just a dumb kid and didn't know what he was doing." (My two year old niece knows what no means...)

"It's in the past"

"the past is the past"

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About a rape that happened on school campus when I was 12:

"Hmm. Well, what were you wearing? Something slutty?"

WTF does that have to do with it? Does my attire give the answer to whether I deserved it or not?

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From my mother: "Do you want to hang on to this until you're 50?"

From the perp: "I quit smoking, and I quit doing things like that - why are you bringing this up now? It's been over for years."

From a friend: "Why can't you let this go? You're not the only woman getting raped. Women in Africa are getting raped all the time."

From another friend that didn't know my mother: "Do you want to still be dealing with this when you're older? You have to let go."

From boyfriend after I told him that my mother was present and watching my step-father rape me when I was 12 (in the same conversation)- "Sometimes I see parts of your mother come out in you." He later told me that I had made him uncomfortable.

No, I don't talk about it all of the time, but when I do I get comments like this. People like to see me smile and pretend that life is nothing but butterflies and rainbows.

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About my csa:

"You just need to stop thinking about it."

"Are you sure something happened to you? Maybe you just saw a tv show or movie that gave you the idea or something."

"Why didn't you tell anybody?"

About an incident that happened at a bar last summer:

"So, have you been more careful since that happened, because it sounds like you weren't always doing a very good job of staying with your friends when you went out."

"Well, that happens to a lot of people. It's not that big of a deal."

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my husband.. "no means yes"

my 1st therapist.. "well, at least it wasn't worse.."

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School counselor: ''Well, you know things like that sometimes tend to happen if you are gay. There is not much that can be done about it.''

Edited by Livocas
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