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Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!


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After talking to a friend about the abuse.

He says...Well you're going to have to be strong because you're going to go through worse things than this.

:hammer: Need to knock some sense into these people. :hammer:

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Guest crazybeautiful
when i finally shared with someone who i felt comfortable with to share of my rape and abuse, she replied, " God, Whats wrong with you !"

im sorry hun. :flowers: makes you wish you hadn't spoken at all, huh.

Edited by crazybeautiful
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i think my worst two are -

God is in control :sadang:

Just Smile :punch:

PS- i do believe in God, i just wish people would listen instead of giving some blanket answer so they can move on with thier pefect lives.

Edited by nika
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My top 3 all came from my mom. After I finally worked up the courage to tell my parents that I had been raped, my mom's first three questions were:

1. Well, had you been drinking when it happened? (I never drink alcohol, so I'm not sure where she came up with that idea.)

2. Are you sure you hadn't been drinking?

3. Had you had sex with him before, and he just assumed that it was OK to do it again?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Outside the countless "Get over it" and "it happened so long ago, it should still be affecting you", I've had a couple people say, in response to my telling them about my abuse, that "if this is a joke, it's not funny, and I'm going to kick your ass." After I told them I wasn't kidding (and I was blatantly crying...they could see the tears and hear that it was hard for me to say), they were just like "This isn't funny, so stop kidding around." Ya, I felt like $hit and haven't really talked to them since.

Also gotten a couple "Did you say no or fight back? [no] Then it wasn't r*pe or ab*se." Tell me something...What child (in my case, it happened a couple years (the memories I have started when I was about five and ended about seven)) can consent to s*x? And if it's from a parent (like in my case), how does a kid know if it's wrong unless someone else says it's wrong, and even then the kid would generally do what the parent tells them to do, right?

Oh, and I've gotten this once or twice..."Guys can't be r*ped." (I'm a male survivor) And some of my friends and family members wonder why I don't like to tell people about my ab*se. That's something my m*m NEVER got, esp right after I came out about the ab*se (she pretty much told the entire church I was going to at the time "so they can pray for (me)"...she probably told like 300 people there (back then, I think the church had like 500 "members")...most everybody distanced themselves from me, and the rest I felt wanted to be my friend out of pity or because they had alterior (spelling?) motives).

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Didn't even realize until now that the post before my last one was like a week and a half ago.

Amy, I know exactly what that's like. I sort of just give them the benefit of the doubt and I like to think that they are just allowing me to talk without them interrupting.

Another one that I hate (which has been mentioned a couple times) is when I tell someone and they're like "Oh, I'm sorry...*change subject*" or "oh, sorry...I'm not really very comfortable talking about this"...like me saying it was any easier to say than you hearing it?

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A year after my husband did what he did to me I finally had the nerve to ask him if he knew how hurt I was by what he did and he said, "yeah, i knew you were crying, see how pathetic our marriage was. If I had loved you I never would have been able to do that to you." 3 Years later it came up again and he said, "shut up about that already, YOU LET ME DO IT". He's a real gem!

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Today i had the stupidest conversation..

Ugh..

My friends were saying how the only reason that people get bad hurt is because they're doing something wrong in their life, therfore, deserve to be bad hurt.

Stupid people..

Also..ugly, fat, ect. people deserve to be bad hurt because no one should have to look at them, and they want it anyway..

Idiots.

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Also..ugly, fat, ect. people deserve to be bad hurt because no one should have to look at them, and they want it anyway..

Idiots.

that made me SO mad

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Why didn't you fight back? I've heard this one so many times. I just put it down to their ignorance.

You got yourself raped. My reply, "No, no-one asks to be raped, I just couldn't stop it."

These words have hurt me many times.

Atlantis

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  • 1 month later...

When I shared with a friend who knew my (now ex) H and me.

"I had to leave R because he tried to kill me."

"Are you sure you had to leave him?"

"He tried to kill me. It wasn't the first time. He almost strangled me."

"Oh, well, he's always been nice to G <her husband> and me. I hope you don't think we're not going to continue being his friends."

:533:

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my ex-t: "you're too high functioning (working etc) to really have DID or depression or complex PTSD" I said, "I'm dying inside barely making it" and she said "you childhood trauma has nothing to do with your problems today"

language warning:

B&TCH!!!!!

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From my parents:

"So, did you learn your lesson? You have awful boundaries and just can't go out with your friends."

"You shouldn't expect the police to prosecute your case. Its a "he said, she said" case."

GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sitting with my parents

(I SAID..."Mum!!! Tell him to stop, he has been doing this to me for years, and im

so sick of it !!!!!"

DAD SAID... "Arnt i allowed to admire and see how my young daughter is

growing up into a beautiful young lady?!"

MUM SAID... NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )

After rape few months ago

I SAID..."No, mum this isnt all Im dealing with now!"

MUM SAID.."Yes Darling, this IS all you are dealing with right now.!!"

...OUCH

I SAID.."Mum, im dealing with the loss of my child, Im finally mourning the loss

Of my little girl Jordan"

MUM SAID..."No Hunnie, you cannt call that a baby. It wasnt a child. It

had no form. Dont do this to yourself"

Can i have a moment of validation pleeeeeeeaaase Mother Dear.

what is with that??

Why??

Am i over reacting here?

I will never understand.

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