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Vera

Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!

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Even I am not immune to this one,

"Well he didn't rape you did he? You were raped so many times before why does it matter?"

That was my mother. I don't CARE how many times I've been raped before...It's not like molestations are just SO mild or something! F*CKING BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!! :ranting:

That's really sad that you don't have any parental support.

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he looked at me, laughs, then says " Oh for fucks sake jacqui..just cos it happened to you, dont make yourself a Martyr for the f*cking cause"

I get this one a lot. It completely goes against reason... people seem to think that if you survived it you suddenly want to laugh about it. How they make that leap of "logic" I have no idea...

If they want to call me a martyr, I don't care. It feels worse to swallow my feelings that everyone who is laughing at the joke is somehow laughing at me... :hug: :hug:

The point of all this. I think it would be benificial to teach our pre-teens and teens to take their friends seriously when they come to you with very personal information, teach them to look beyond the assumptions they might have about their friends behavior.

I completely agree. Completely. Most adults don't even know how to deal with it, but maybe if we teach pre-teens they'll become adults who will be more sensitive and caring...?

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my dad as he was driving me to work

"you are so ungrateful, people have been through worse than you have" :cry

my dad doesnt know i was abused at all and maybe you say i should tell him but if you had my dad. you wouldnt tell him either.

he only knows about sexual harrassment i been through which was recently like a month ago. and he said that i was teasing them and stuff.

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This little jewel came from a so called friend:

THEM: "What's wrong?" (I was crying after a nightmare)

ME: "I just had a bad dream."

THEM: " Oh God! You're still whining about that? Get over it already. "

ME: (silence and a sniff)

THEM: "Will you please go in there with that (my crying)I'm trying to sleep?"

Screw replying I wanted to KILL them.

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This little jewel came from a so called friend:

THEM: "What's wrong?" (I was crying after a nightmare)

ME: "I just had a bad dream."

THEM: " Oh God! You're still whining about that? Get over it already. "

ME: (silence and a sniff)

THEM: "Will you please go in there with that (my crying)I'm trying to sleep?"

Screw replying I wanted to KILL them.

Wow what is wrong with some people? :hug:

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hows this for a horrible comment...

"Well at least you weren't old enough to have to worry that you could be pregnant :wacko: "

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^What a stupid tart.

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hows this for a horrible comment...

"Well at least you weren't old enough to have to worry that you could be pregnant :wacko: "

:ranting: ...Wow, like that's gonna make you feel better! NOT!!!!!!!! Ugh, people can really suck sometimes... :hug:

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my dad as he was driving me to work

"you are so ungrateful, people have been through worse than you have" :cry

Not to mention, what, are you supposed to feel grateful for being harrassed? Honestly, some people's logic just boggles the mind.

This little jewel came from a so called friend:

THEM: "What's wrong?" (I was crying after a nightmare)

ME: "I just had a bad dream."

THEM: " Oh God! You're still whining about that? Get over it already. "

ME: (silence and a sniff)

THEM: "Will you please go in there with that (my crying)I'm trying to sleep?"

I used to wake my boyfriend up pretty much nightly with nightmares. We have a sort of ritual, where he'll calm me down and we'll do breathing exercises, and then some word association until we found something happier for me to think about before I go back to sleep. Then we started meditating before bed altogether, and now I only have a nightmare about once a week or so.

Needless to say, to describe your friend I would have to use several expletives I shall refrain from using :hammer: ... but other than when you're over at her house, you might want to see if my method works? Nightmares are no fun, they wreck your night AND your day. If it doesn't work I have some other suggestions, I hope I can help! :flowers:

hows this for a horrible comment...

"Well at least you weren't old enough to have to worry that you could be pregnant wacko.gif "

:duh: Again. People. Logic. None. :hug:

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Just this morning, I told my mother that the reason I haven't been sleeping at night is that I'm terrified of the dark now. Her response?

"Get unafraid cuz you need to look for a job."

Yea, that's from my mother, who I might add had a similar experience to mine when she was 16. You'd think there'd be sympathy in the mix somewhere, but NOOOOOOO all she cares about is that I get a job so she doesn't have to waste booze money on me. -.-"

I wish I had come back with "Yea, because being around people who could potentially hurt me is JUST what I need and want! Go f*ck yourself."

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the worst thing I've had said to me [by a family member] was

'it's time you got over it now, you're a grown woman, and it's not as if he raped you' to which I replied 'I dont know for sure if rape took place or not,[my memories at that time were very vague],

'well, surely you'd know if you were raped or not' reply: I was 8, you stupid b**ch!

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^:hug:

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I think I just lost a friend tonight....He kept saying that my parents were right and that I couldn't trust my memories because I "didn't always remember". He said I should go to them and sort things out. I'm really bummed that he reacted that way...he used to be a good friend and was supportive with my depression..but this he will NOT believe is even possible. I'm sad that he's not talking to me, and I hope maybe he'll come around, but I stood up for myself and I'm glad!

Him: With all due respect. If you dwell on something long enough then it will be whatever you say. (about my memories)

Me: *I AM Michael Jordan! I AM Michael Jordan!* (I'll keep thinking this for the next 10 years and if I ever remember playing with the Bulls I'll let you know)

YAY!!! I stood up for myself!!

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Worst thing said to me was from my Doctor. I told her I had been raped (hate that word) in the park. Her response: "What were you doing going to the park by yourself?"

Helpful - NOT!

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When I was trying to explain to my mother how the guys used threats to keep me submissive including allowing me to be terrified that I would get knifed (they all carried them and one did threaten a friend who was trying to protect me). She asked if I was ever raped at knifepoint. My reply was "No, it was not at my throat, but it was in reaching distance most of the times." Her invalidating reply was "Well that doesnt count as threating." :angry: :angry: :angry:

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I think I just lost a friend tonight....He kept saying that my parents were right and that I couldn't trust my memories because I "didn't always remember". He said I should go to them and sort things out. I'm really bummed that he reacted that way...he used to be a good friend and was supportive with my depression..but this he will NOT believe is even possible. I'm sad that he's not talking to me, and I hope maybe he'll come around, but I stood up for myself and I'm glad!

Him: With all due respect. If you dwell on something long enough then it will be whatever you say. (about my memories)

Me: *I AM Michael Jordan! I AM Michael Jordan!* (I'll keep thinking this for the next 10 years and if I ever remember playing with the Bulls I'll let you know)

YAY!!! I stood up for myself!!

My experience with friends like that is, they usually didn't deserve to be my friend in the first place. I've had some friends who thought joking about rape was the funniest thing in the world. They are, needless to say, no longer my friends.

I LOVE your response, and YAY! I'm glad you stood up for yourself too!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

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A boy at my summer camp found out, and told me, "You know what they say, Vice is nice, but Incest is best".

----stupid fuckwit!

Isn't it nice to have such a supportive mom

"You know you are going to have problems if you keep dwelling on it"

---because that is what I do, like I catch myself and think, hmmmm I am not thinking about the most painful memories in my life, so I guess I should start.

"That happened years ago, aren't you would be over it by now if you would have given it to god."

"Every time you cut yourself you open yourself up for demonic possession."

"Therapy and psychology are tools of the devil, if you keep seeing a therapist then you are just opening yourself up for more demonic possession."

And from a friend I thought would be supportive,

"If you are taking drugs (a sleep aid, and an AD) then you can't be the director of AWANA Cubbies (a church organization like cub scouts). I will not be responsible for putting children in your care at risk while you are taking drugs."

---this was especially rich coming from her as she is a recovering drug addict. Of course the only reason she knew was because my mom had told her, and I wanted to tell her that her actions violated the ADA of the 1970's and HIPPA, but didn't have the backbone for such a comment.

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"You know you are going to have problems if you keep dwelling on it"

---because that is what I do, like I catch myself and think, hmmmm I am not thinking about the most painful memories in my life, so I guess I should start.

I hate that one...people can be so stupid. It's not like we WANT to think about it!!!! Sorry you've gotten so many insensitive comments.. :console:

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"You know you are going to have problems if you keep dwelling on it"

---because that is what I do, like I catch myself and think, hmmmm I am not thinking about the most painful memories in my life, so I guess I should start.

I hate that one...people can be so stupid. It's not like we WANT to think about it!!!! Sorry you've gotten so many insensitive comments.. :console:

I've come to hate that word.. "dwell". Yes, I choose deliberately to think about it every moment of my day. Yes, I choose to try and face it and act normal because you're too weak to THINK about it, but I have to be strong enough to THINK about it and DEAL with it.

Who's the weaker one here, a**holes?

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You know, this is really hard for me to deal with when I have my own problems right now, too.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry. Literally twenty-four-freaking-seven this is in my face, and yes. Because I'm dealing with this, this is the only problem I have, so... yes ,I'm sorry. Dealing with life and this is just... hard. I'm sorry you can't just be a listening ear.

When will you get over it?

When people like you become sensitive.

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You know, this is really hard for me to deal with when I have my own problems right now, too.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry. Literally twenty-four-freaking-seven this is in my face, and yes. Because I'm dealing with this, this is the only problem I have, so... yes ,I'm sorry. Dealing with life and this is just... hard. I'm sorry you can't just be a listening ear.

oh yeah gotta love that one! :hammer:

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You know, this is really hard for me to deal with when I have my own problems right now, too.

Oh wow, I'm so sorry. Literally twenty-four-freaking-seven this is in my face, and yes. Because I'm dealing with this, this is the only problem I have, so... yes ,I'm sorry. Dealing with life and this is just... hard. I'm sorry you can't just be a listening ear.

oh yeah gotta love that one! :hammer:

I just wanna scream, "'Cause this is the only problem in my life too." Like all of the sudden I stop having other problems in addition to dealing with SA. Get real, it just adds to the already tumultuous burden I was carrying before it happened. Dim-witted fuckwads! *'scuse my language.*

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Uhhh, the people who act like they have as many or bigger problems than yours... not that anyone has the right to compare problems with anyone else, who are we to know, but belittling somebody's problems does nobody any good. And dealing with SA makes it about a billion times harder to deal with so many other regular everyday things that other people do without thinking, that just regular life has a habit of being a problem for survivors trying to heal. People just dealing with "normal" life issues and problems don't often know that, or refuse to acknowledge it.

Ughhhh why don't people ever understand.

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