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Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!


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From my mother, in front of a bunch of random people and my brother, "I know you're doing with that security guard, you sl*t!"

From my friend, "I don't want to hear about it."

From the brother of a guy I dated after I told him, "Well, did you learn from it?" everytime I tried to explain it to him, he'd ask that and no matter what I said, he'd say, "Then you don't need to talk about it anymore."

I started telling someone I used to be friends with about it, saying, "Something happened to me and I really need to talk about it." She completely ignored me and started talking to the people we were sitting with about anime.

From my mother, about molestation, "It's not molestation if someone's not disabled and they're over 10. They can fight, they just don't want to."

There's more I can't remember right now, but my mother is the queen of insensitive comments for sure.

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One night, after my mom knew what happened and after my school counselor told her he believed that I cut-- "are you still upset about him? Go upstairs and cut your wrists, then." She also asked me about details of his p**** so that she knew he did it. Then she stayed with him for 4 years after that so the comments kept coming. From my middle school counselor, after he knew that the cops came to my house after my stepdad beat me and my mom-- "So, is your mother single now?" WTF???

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One night, after my mom knew what happened and after my school counselor told her he believed that I cut-- "are you still upset about him? Go upstairs and cut your wrists, then."

WTF?! I'll say it again...WTF?! Ugh people these days...I'm so sorry she said that! That's a really stupid and just downright cruel thing to say! :angry:

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"Did you want to have sex with him?"

Let's see...I said he RAPED me. You know what the word rape means so obviously I did NOT want to have sex with him you fuckhead.

:angry:

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From someone today who I had the guts to tell that I had been raped:

'was he the same age as you? Only a few years older? Oh, that can't have been so bad then, at least he would have had an ok body.'

what the f*cking hell is that supposed to mean????????????????????

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Edited by keihl
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Random jerk:

"Hey aren't you that girl that got g*ng-r*ped?"

First of all: :blink:

Second of all: To hell with this...F*CK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :hammer:

Third of all: I hate hate hate when people just label me as a victim!!!!!!!!!!!! That really hurts... :(

Boy.... I understand that one, Molly. Ugh..... :hug:

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All said by one ignorant college freshman: "But, you're a guy! are you sure? maybe you just feel guilty about wanting it. well, you had to get hard for it to happen, right? So you must have been turned on a little. I just don't think it's possible for a girl to rape a guy. was she bigger than you? Why didn't you just throw her off you or say no? It can't have been rape."

Yeah, you know, it's as if she thought none of these came up in my mind after it happened. She acted so dismissive and had the nerve to get mad when I got apprehensive to the stupid little cow's remarks. You know, I should have just walked away after she said "are you sure?" She didn't even know my rapist but just had those same sexist assumptions with which i must always deal. :angry:

(((keihl))) That's awful. I'm sorry you had to listen to that kind of prejudice. I'm glad you're here. I hope you're finding the support you need. You're one of us, you know..... :flowers:

Edited by Firedancer4
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My ex-boyfriend:after I confronted my parents about the abuse and was crying-"Youre such a victim.I'm starting to lose respect for you and think that I misjudjed yo, that this is all there is toyou.

My dad: after I told him I had been drugged and raped by our religious leader and was having a hard time, explained in detail "well, suck it up"

My parents after I confronted them"you have needed medication since you were 2 years old. you have brain damage since 2, and have always been a difficult child."

A guy I was dating"wow, this is really turning me on"

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When I confronted my brother and asked him to pay for my therapy he said...."I don't believe in therapy...bunch of quacks" !!!

I responded: "OK! You don't believe in therapy! How about civil and criminal prosecution? Is that official enough....????":?

He followed up saying...."You've always been weak anyway and I've moved on..."

I responded "I'm not weak...and you're not superior, the only thing you know how to do is bring down someone to your level. As for moving on I seriously doubt that, you have to be aware and assume the consequences of your acts to move on. You are "blissfuly" ignorant nor do u feel the necessity to inform yourself of those consequences....! You're pathetic and you have far more to lose than I do.

Those words were a breakthrough at the time, it underlined the fact that for the first time in my life I no longer viewed and accepted HIS visions of things and no longer lived by it. I didn't like my first views of reality but I confess feeling a delicious sense of satisfaction of having set his clock at the right time. For once I saw in his eyes the fear that had been mine for years....P::

that is so completely awesome. sometimes i think that if Jeff were alive, i would totally yell at him. but then i realize that i wouldn't. i would run up to him and hug him and it would be like old times.

hence, a large reason why me and my mom are glad he's dead.

it sucks that i am more in love with 'my father' than my mom ever was.

any tips on falling out of love?

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Edited by keihl
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Aww, hold me closer firedancer.. hehe.. ouch, I got singed. Yeah I'm receiving a lot of support and feel so connected for the first time to people who really understand what happened and I can feel okay about it having happened. And I like being able to try and help.

How's this:

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((keihl))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

lol :hug:

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Edited by keihl
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A couple months ago, me and my two roommates (C and B) are hanging out watching the Grey's episode that C missed. He and B are talking about people from home and somehow it comes up that this one girl they know lost her virginity at 12.

Her: "yeah she said she was raped, but like....i don't really believe that cuz now she's extremely willing."

Me: "extremely willing? i'd bet she was raped...lots of rape victims end up doing that."

Her: "yeah well, she didn't break up with him, i don't believe it"

At this point, I couldn't breathe, but then I was like, "yeah well, i was raped this summer and i kept going out with him"

She didn't reply, she didn't even say anything....she just said something else unrelated.

Like she didn't even hear me.

I got really angry, but then I started typing up a reply and before she went to bed, I stopped her and read it to her lol.

"i don't really need you to make a big deal out of it, but i want you to know how extremely offended i am that you didn't even say ANYTHING in response. i know that most people don't know how to react to someone telling them that they were raped, but for pete's sake, you could have reacted at least. when you didn't react, it made me feel like you thought b/c i still saw him, it wasn't really rape. well, you know what? i went into his bedroom willingly b/c i didn't want to sleep all alone. going out with him later and going in willingly do not make what happened to me alright. i said no and he didn't listen and he kept going and that is rape, plain and simple. my actions before and after have nothing to do with the fact that I was raped b/c the fact is i was. and you know, I don't need you to believe me. but you should know that if you don't b/c of those things, then you should plan on not speaking to me except when i ask for rent. b/c for me, this rape has been a big thing in my life and its horrible and awful and i hate it."

After that, I got an "I'm sorry"....but it was still unsatisfactory. Bleh.

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  • 2 weeks later...

^People suck.

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..............................

Edited by keihl
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((((keihl))))

I'm sorry you had to put up with that!!!

-----------

A comment I received: "You're not over that yet? It's been two months! You're such a weak little p**** sometimes."

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