Vera

Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!

760 posts in this topic

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Grace)))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry for that!

KM

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When I told who I thought was a close friend, her response was "where is your proof".

Addie

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Are you kidding me, Addie? That made my eyes bug out like this :ohmy:

I'm sorry! (((((((((Addie)))))))))

KM

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Thank you. Needless to say, she isn't a friend. I look at it this way, it was a blessing in disguise. I see her for you she really is. I feel sorry for her. Are you feeling any better? Hope so. :hug:

Addie

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Were we separated at birth or what? How'd we get the same attitude/outlook? Yes, I agree... you deserve far better!

KM

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*Well he didn't have any marks on him, are you sure you were raped?

*Why didn't you fight more if I was a girl I wouldn't let some guy just rape me?

* What were you wearing?

*Why did you open the door?

*Well if you wouldn't put yourself in bad situations it wouldn't happen? Where were you anyway?

*Well what did you expect to happen all the freaks you have been running around with?

There have also been some remarks about why I would want to ruin this mans life. I should think about his wife and kid.

These were made by some so called friends and my family when they first found out. Why can't people think before they speak.

Edited by ginnic

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Said by a friend two weeks ago when a guy tried to rape me:

"But you didn't mind him kissing you did you?" As if letting someone kiss you means you will let them do something else!

And, just for the record, I only let him kiss me because I was afraid that if I refused he'd get violent and try to go further.

My friend meant well, I know she did, because she did give her general opinion - his fault - but she couldn't understand what the problem was since he only 'attempted' to have sex with me but didn't manage it.

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((((((((((((((Jacqui))))))))))))))) All I can really say... is...

GGGGGGGGGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :angry: I know people mean well and we love them... but I'm over the lack of education in the world... and in this regard.

I am so sorry you had to go through that... :hammer:

KM

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The insensitivity of people is so startling... this is why I hardly say anything and keep it to myself. These comments would totally destroy me. Props to you who have had to endure them.

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My personal favorite (or least favorite as the case may be...) I have two

When My best friends boyfriend raped me and I told her she said she wouldn't blame me I was probably just curious about those things (could have killed her)

After my husband rapes me and I was stupid enough to compare him to the gentleman written about above, my husband replied then I must choose men like them because I enjoy being raped.

Have to admit wouldn't have thought of that one :hammer:

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"You deserved everything stepfather did to you."

Said by ex-boyfriend. When he thought I was sleeping!

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Um... (((((((((((((((((click heels and white wolf)))))))))))))))))) my stomach just dropped down below my knees, along with my posture and jaw! Holy sh*t! Sickening.... repulsive... angered.... enraged... wanting to pounce them! Rahr... MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! Rahr phhhft phhhft! I never realized angered and enraged had the same letters. Hmmm... I'm slow I guess.

Click heels ~ What exactly did your friend mean by "those things"? Stupid &$%@#!!! How much betrayal must you go through? Your best friend, her boyfriend, and your boyfriend!!! Geez!

White Wolf ~ That is the sickest most cowardly sh*t I have ever heard! Punk a@@... sickening!

Sorry... I guess I am into name calling this morning. I am sorry you have had to deal with these people. They never deserved your beautiful presence!

(((((((((((((Hugs to you)))))))))))

KM

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Um... (((((((((((((((((click heels and white wolf)))))))))))))))))) my stomach just dropped down below my knees, along with my posture and jaw! Holy sh*t! Sickening.... repulsive... angered.... enraged... wanting to pounce them! Rahr... MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! Rahr phhhft phhhft! I never realized angered and enraged had the same letters. Hmmm... I'm slow I guess.

Click heels ~ What exactly did your friend mean by "those things"? Stupid &$%@#!!! How much betrayal must you go through? Your best friend, her boyfriend, and your boyfriend!!! Geez!

White Wolf ~ That is the sickest most cowardly sh*t I have ever heard! Punk a@@... sickening!

Sorry... I guess I am into name calling this morning. I am sorry you have had to deal with these people. They never deserved your beautiful presence!

(((((((((((((Hugs to you)))))))))))

KM

KM,

Nice to know we have such a figher in our corner, you ever make it to Seattle the coffee is on me...

You know I spent years trying to figure out what she meant (I would have to guess she meant sex) I did not have a boyfriend..didn't want one I am according to my counselor the last remaining prude. I always have been so I don't know where she would think that I was in on this, I think it was her way of excusing her boyfriend or more likely sick as it seems a way to forgive me for what happened.

thank you for the reply and the hugs (back at ya).

WhiteWolf,

KM is right, he just needs to be shot... :wink:

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Said by a friend two weeks ago when a guy tried to rape me:

"But you didn't mind him kissing you did you?" As if letting someone kiss you means you will let them do something else!

And, just for the record, I only let him kiss me because I was afraid that if I refused he'd get violent and try to go further.

My friend meant well, I know she did, because she did give her general opinion - his fault - but she couldn't understand what the problem was since he only 'attempted' to have sex with me but didn't manage it.

The problem is.....any action taken after the word no is used

should be pretty simple...

I think sometimes friends can be the worst they love us but that doesnt make them understand.

love,

Sara

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*Well he didn't have any marks on him, are you sure you were raped?

*Why didn't you fight more if I was a girl I wouldn't let some guy just rape me?

* What were you wearing?

*Why did you open the door?

*Well if you wouldn't put yourself in bad situations it wouldn't happen? Where were you anyway?

*Well what did you expect to happen all the freaks you have been running around with?

There have also been some remarks about why I would want to ruin this mans life. I should think about his wife and kid.

These were made by some so called friends and my family when they first found out. Why can't people think before they speak.

Answers....

lack of marks does not equal lack of rape...it's a matter of consent

A girl (or person) can not LET themselves be raped (that would be consent therefore no rape)

wearing? who the heck cares? (or my fave you tell the person you were wearing their little black mini skirt)

Where? as long as you were not in a sex for free zone again does not matter

For them to be freaks that understood the word no

You are not ruining his life, he did. just as with his family he was the only one who got to make a choice.

okay I hope at least one made you smile...

Love Sara

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Sara ~

I will be in Seattle... I am down in Portland and venture up there often. Coffee sounds great right now! :) I'm of to the hspital now... but wanted to tell you I appreciate all that you have added to this post!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

KM

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Sara ~

I will be in Seattle... I am down in Portland and venture up there often. Coffee sounds great right now! :) I'm of to the hspital now... but wanted to tell you I appreciate all that you have added to this post!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

KM

KM,

Serious about the coffee let me know when you will be up this way.

I read your post and I have to say I think they must have dumped radioactive material into your town and you were the only smart enough to bring an umbrella, how can so many stupid (and insensitive people live in one place?) Truthfully I thnk that one girl was just jealous and was why she was so mean and testified against you (but the second part of me says who cares if you had been giving him a bl** job earlier in the week, that doesn't make what happened later any less rape...). Anyway I hope that you have gottten smarter more loveable people to share you life with now.

I thought of anohter one you might like.

The guy who raped me ended up living in our home for about eight months, my mother was really no help in my efforts to stay away from him and she would tell me to be nice because she needed the rent.

My cousin told her I was forced to do something...my mother asked me what happend and called me a w**re, so I turned and promptly asked what tht made her? I probably still have a hand print on my face where she slapped me but I have to tell you it felt good anyway and I would say again in a heartbeat.

Sometimes people say stupid things out of their own needs or their own realities (like my mom and that girl that you took in), because they are truly ignorant and dont'' know better or thirdly because they don't want to hear what you are saying because they don't know how to deal with you if it's true.

OK enough dime store psychology....need to sleep

Talk soon,

Sara

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After saying " Were friends so i know ur not going to cry r* but im gonna do this wether you like it or not " and did exactally what he said.. I began crying and isolated myself from him to which he said " whats wrong with you?" i couldnt believe it!!! What the f* do u think is wrong!!!

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After saying " Were friends so i know ur not going to cry r* but im gonna do this wether you like it or not " and did exactally what he said.. I began crying and isolated myself from him to which he said " whats wrong with you?" i couldnt believe it!!! What the f* do u think is wrong!!!

Sounds like a swell guy can't imagine why you tried to keep away from him :duh:

It must be in the male gene:

After one of the experiences I was standing outside (waiting to go home) he came out and I was shivering uncontrollably. He asked are you cold or did I do that? gee I wonder

then about two months later he takes me out to coffee (my mother told me to go cause he kept asking her as I kept telling him no) and he said he could not understand the wall I had put between us when we had been such good friends, I should try to trust a little more because I was ruining it for everyone (his best friend was dating my cousin and the two men lived in our home) I just sat there stunned...

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I was r***d the week before christmas and after he had finished he had the front to say " Have a good christmas!" :cry: I dont think I have had a good christmas since :hmm:

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I was r***d the week before christmas and after he had finished he had the front to say " Have a good christmas!" :cry: I dont think I have had a good christmas since :hmm:

They truly must be crazy...or able to completely disregard what they have done.

THe same man written about above after actually thanked me.... :duh: thank G-d for small things huh?

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Here are the most common ones I get:

"Can we change the subject? Let's talk about something nicer" Thanks for the support....

"Don't think about it all the time, forget it" Oh yeah, that's sooooooooo easy when you have flashbacks and nightmares about it every f***ing day and night...

"R*pe is a crime, are you seriously gonna let this guy get away with this? You need to press charges" Geez, I never would have guessed r*pe is a crime...it's my choice whether to press charges or not, so f*** you!

Edited by AmyLyn

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UGH! I'm totally with you on the can we "change the subject...let's talk about something nicer."

UGH! :hammer: Do you THINK that I wouldn't like to NOT have to deal with this and to NOT think about it and to NOT have gone through it...GEEZ! You can listen for 5 FREAKING MINUTES! :!:

UGH! Oh and I hate when I bring it up with my b/f or mom because I just need some support or to vent and they say - are you sure you wanna talk about this? I just don't want it to upset you!

Um...yeah...okay...If I didn't want to talk about it I wouldn't bring it up! And of course it's upsetting but I need to talk about it to get through all the thoughts I have around it...and if it were still upsetting like it used to I wouldn't be talking about it to you! (just that type of person...I prefer strangers who at least get it ya know? they've been there too. :blush: )

good thread but just UGH to these people!!

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^yeah I agree! UGH!

It's sad that we have to put up with this kind of stuff. I could rant about it all day...

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"You deserve everything you got back then"

Said to a freind of mine who was sexually abused from age 8. EIGHT!!!

And the person who said this is a parent!!!

I am still angry to hear this, and it is days and days since my friend told me.

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