Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!

[NewHope]

Can i have a moment of validation pleeeeeeeaaase Mother Dear.

what is with that??

Why??

Am i over reacting here?

I will never understand.

You aren't overreacting at all, hunnie... some people just don't get it. It just really sucks when those people are the ones who are supposed to be the most supportive of all.

(((((((((((((((((((((SilverLining)))))))))))))))))))))

NH

[mawa]

From my parents:

"So, did you learn your lesson? You have awful boundaries and just can't go out with your friends."

"You shouldn't expect the police to prosecute your case. Its a "he said, she said" case."

GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes!!! But "PEDS LEAVE A TRIAL OF VICTIMS IN THEIR WAKE!! EVENTUALLY THE VICTIMS WAKE UP AND THERE IS THE TRUE EVIDENCE!! AND, THERE IS ALWAYS AN ULTIMATE JUDGEMANT!!" s.tony story

[mawa]

my ex-t: "you're too high functioning (working etc) to really have DID or depression or complex PTSD" I said, "I'm dying inside barely making it" and she said "you childhood trauma has nothing to do with your problems today"

language warning:

B&TCH!!!!!

Then tell her to 'stick it'! happy turnkey day!

[la_columna_rota]

From my dear older brother earlier tonight...

"You have nothing to be depressed about. You haven't been through enough to be so fucked up."

Oh yea. JUST what I needed after having heard that I have no grounds to press charges on the bastard. (The detective came by this morning to deliver the news.)

I remember what that news felt like. Apparently, I left it too long after "the incident" before I reported it. Never mind that he was stalking and threatening me the whole time.

[AmyLyn]

I was talking to someone on MSN this morning and I mentioned that I had been abused, and he said "oh so that's why you're so fucked up"...gee thanks, as*hole! :ranting:

[morethanmelody]

^ What a stupid person!

[morethanmelody]

^ What a stupid person!

[Alicia]

^agreed.

[AmyLyn]

Thanks.

People piss me off...grrrrrr

[AWhisperofTruth]

What an idiot!

Comments like in this thread are part of the reason I sometimes feel I'm losing faith in humanity.*sigh*

[AmyLyn]

Yeah I know the feeling...I dont' know why it still shocks me to read new posts in this thread.

Edited January 7, 2008 by AmyLyn

[innocencexisxlove]

my personal favorite has always been: "Why didn't you kick him in the nuts?"

people are just so inconciterate[sp?] this days.

[splitperson3]

When i told one person in a christian group my story, he said in prayer for me right there that "God, sometimes you know that our minds make these things up because of how we are feeling inside." I didn't say anything afterwards but I THANKED HIM FOR PRAYING FOR ME!

The other worst thing i have had someone say was when i told them that my mother and i had sex, he said it was "cool" that my mom "taught" me about that stuff!

[innocencexisxlove]

The other worst thing i have had someone say was when i told them that my mother and i had sex, he said it was "cool" that my mom "taught" me about that stuff!

wow. i'd be sooo mad if I heard that one! that's so stupid.

[Ellen]

After I was abducted by a taxi driver:

"Well, why did you get in the car?"

Ummm.....TAXI!

[WillWolf]

When I told my ex-girlfriend that I had been sexually assaulted by my brother...

"Well, you should have locked the door." Uhm, he broke the door. how was i supposed to lock it?

and

"I think you are making this up."

and

"If it really happened, you would remember all of it."

[marevka]

Recently after talking to a friend about being sexually abused she said "what are you thankful for".

Being thankful has its place but this was totally the wrong time to ask me that question. If someone's family was murdered would you ask them what they are thankful for? What a stupid and totally inappropriate thing to say. I'm so sick of people wanting me to pretend that everything is okay.

My mom after I told her about the abuse said "are you sure you aren't misinterpreting things?"

ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!

"How could this happen in my house without me knowing?" --MAYBE BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS DRUNK-could that be the reason?!?!

Reading all of your comments has really helped me. It is so hard when people try to minimize what you are going through. Thank you!

[marevka]

When i told one person in a christian group my story, he said in prayer for me right there that "God, sometimes you know that our minds make these things up because of how we are feeling inside." I didn't say anything afterwards but I THANKED HIM FOR PRAYING FOR ME!

The other worst thing i have had someone say was when i told them that my mother and i had sex, he said it was "cool" that my mom "taught" me about that stuff!

I am so sorry!! What a stupid/evil/insane/insensitive/creepy thing to say to someone.

[AmyLyn]

"Well, you should have locked the door."

Well no one should have a reason to lock their door.

What a stupid thing to say.

[angel87]

the response of a guy friend I told:

"Well I mean the 1st time is always the worst for a girl, right? So at least that's out of the way. It shouldn't be nearly as bad next time!"

The response of another guy friend I told. I also told him that the guy had tried to contact me and be really friendly to me:

"Well I mean he's being nice and respectful to you now...He really doesn't sound like a bad guy to me..maybe if you wrote him a letter telling him hoe you feel?" (granted I still have a lot of questions in my head. I go back and forth very offten, but clearly If I was telling him I was sexually assaulted at that time...there was really no reason for him to say that)

[mymiracles1216]

Oh those hurtfull comments from ones you would think would be there for you. One week after I told my sister crying trying to get the words out and all she said to me was, "I don't know what to tell you", I wanted to scream at her how could you not have any compassion, im hurting I need you why do you think I told you, but she changed the subject really fast while I sat there and cryed speechless.

Hang in there

Elizabeth

[Amy]

Just yesterday i had a close friend tell me that it depends on how i look at the sitution. How exactly do you want me to look at the situation.....i was 8 and abused. This is the same friend that told me to just forget about it and move on. I think she was implying that if i looked at it in a postive way.....all would be healed. I could be wrong though.

[lizzi]

My mom tells me that I ask for it all the time, and that i have it coming too

does anyone really ask to be hurt? Im very confused by this

lizzi

[jillian57]

i've been told.....

"why didn't you fight back?"

"you just need to get over this, it happened a few years ago!"

"just get over it" i hate this one!!!!!!!!!!!!

"what were you wearing when this happened??"

"if you had an org*sm then you must have enjoyed it"

"why didn't you tell someone right away??"

[blackbird]

My friend, Amy, said this when we were talking in the car awhile back.

Amy: "So did you ever *insert possibly triggering term for oral sex* him?"

Me: "No. Well, kinda. I freaked out."

Amy: "Why?"

Me: "You know why."

Amy: "Oh, because of that whole thing with you being raped and all?"

Yeah. Thanks Amy.