Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!

[LuthienTinuviel]

my dad said something triggery: "wouldnt it be funny if i cut your throat?" and then he moves the knife near my neck.

so maybe he was joking i just am scared of knives so bad. because of my experience and SI as well.

my mom just ten minutes ago "it is rare a christian woman ever is raped. and there are children who are molested. i dont know why you are complaining. God protected you from all that"

im so sad lately.

[AmyLyn]

^ That is horrible. Knives scare me really badly as well. I'm sorry that happened.

And about your mom, what she said is a complete lie. No matter who you are you're not immune to abuse or rape.

[Geraldine]

"Why didn't you scream" - from my counselor.

Edited July 10, 2007 by Geraldine

[AmyLyn]

Edited March 5, 2008 by AmyLyn

[Alicia]

"Every time you cut yourself you open yourself up for demonic possession."

"Therapy and psychology are tools of the devil, if you keep seeing a therapist then you are just opening yourself up for more demonic possession."

Um...what?!

Well damn. Guess I've been doomed to hell since I was 12 then.

Bummer.

Edited July 11, 2007 by Alicia

[greenangel]

I'm not going to arrest him because you aren't acting like a victim usually does. You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to slander this man's name. Dont you know what they do to rapists in prison?

This was from a detective, after I told them my step dad had been raping me for 3 years. What the hell?!?!?!

[AmyLyn]

"Every time you cut yourself you open yourself up for demonic possession."

"Therapy and psychology are tools of the devil, if you keep seeing a therapist then you are just opening yourself up for more demonic possession."

Um...what?!

Well damn. Guess I've been doomed to hell since I was 12 then.

Bummer.

Oh damn, I've been doomed to hell sense I was a kid too! Well that sucks...

[AmyLyn]

I'm not going to arrest him because you aren't acting like a victim usually does. You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to slander this man's name. Dont you know what they do to rapists in prison?

This was from a detective, after I told them my step dad had been raping me for 3 years. What the hell?!?!?!

WTF? Wow that detective was STUPID...

[redhead]

from my best friend: "Well, everyone does stupid stuff when they're drunk. You need to just get over it and be friends with him again. You're not going to be THAT girl who makes a big deal over nothing are you?"

[Saltywaters]

My brother: "So, the man was somewhat rough with you, it's just sex"

My former boss: "Millions of women are being raped for years, you have no right to complain"

My former bf: "You know you have been lucky so far, it was bound to happen"

My former best friend: "You have black belts in Martial Arts, you can't be raped"

Really.... And they wonder why I haven't said a thing about my rape for 6 years almost.....

Jo

Edited July 15, 2007 by Saltywaters

[AmyLyn]

^

Edited August 3, 2008 by AmyLyn

[Alicia]

My friend's aunt was SA by her father for years. Her mom's response: "It's not my fault you seduced your father."

[Diamanda]

They spread the rumour I did drugs and got raped when I was out of it at a party. The truth was that I was slipped a date-rape drug when I went to look at an apartment and raped with a gun in the room and two 100lb dogs. He used my love of animals to make me feel comfortable. I didn't know where he took me, the phone line was torn out and when he was done he dropped me on the street in some unfamiliar part of the city. It took me hours to figure out how to get home.

[lacylady4]

"I can't believe he molested you! He is such a nice guy. I have known him for years and he never did that before."

I just have one question for you? (my supervisor) " How would you feel if your wife was molested when she was walking down the hall of this office building? I hope you would take her complaint more seriously than you are mine at the moment!"

[stitch222]

wow - this topic hits home with me

i keep hearing from my friends and my husband *sigh*

you need to stop dwelling on it and it will get easier - i dont dwell on it geezum crow

it makes me so mad and makes me want to cry that they would even think that

i also hear from a nother friend well if you had more s*x with your hubby maybe it wouldnt bother you so much... - yes this is the exact statement... i was stunned....

i want to cry - sorry

stitch222

[sssurvivor]

I have a friend who says, and I quote "you probably shouldn't wear that shirt, what are you trying to get raped again?" Just said that to me last night!

[la_columna_rota]

The sad thing is, I hear a lot of teenagers and college students around here using the word soo inappropriately. Using it to describe unpleasant happenings or doing badly at school or sports. I've also heard younger girls yelling r*pe playfully when they're out with their friends at the mall. It's soo sick sometimes. I dunno maybe it's a local thing, but it still bothers me. I yelled at my friend about it a few weeks ago, he hasn't said it around me since.

It's not a local thing. Not by far. It's a sick trend that's sweeping North America. You see it in movies and TV shows too.

[Maddy]

The sad thing is, I hear a lot of teenagers and college students around here using the word soo inappropriately. Using it to describe unpleasant happenings or doing badly at school or sports. I've also heard younger girls yelling r*pe playfully when they're out with their friends at the mall. It's soo sick sometimes. I dunno maybe it's a local thing, but it still bothers me. I yelled at my friend about it a few weeks ago, he hasn't said it around me since.

It's not a local thing. Not by far. It's a sick trend that's sweeping North America. You see it in movies and TV shows too.

And the very sad thing is, and I am ashamed to admit this, but before I totally came to terms with what happened to me as a kid and beofre it happened a few years ago, my friends and I would do that...*prepares herself for rocks thrown at her* I heard a joke and told it to them and then whenever any of us poked the other, we would playfully say ra*e! because the joke was as follows:

There was this alien who went into this store and started poking the cashier. He would do this everyday, finally the cashier got so angry that he yelled at the alien, "ifyou don't stop poking me I'm going to pull down your pants and rip your balls off!" Well the next day the alien came back and poked him. The casheir screamed, "That's it!" and pulled down the aliens pants. He looked up at the alien and said, "hey, you don't have any balls, how do you all have s*x?" and the alien just smiles and goes, "Poke."

So yeah...but after everything happened I made my friends stop doing it...I just...I couldn't stand hearing the word so often, and in such a wrong way...I'm sorry...

BTW, back to the topic...I tried calling a friend of mine the other day when I got scared, she texted me the next moring and said, "Don't you ever call me that many times that late again! If you have an emergency, get someone else to help you. I'm tired of it!"

[SeekingSerenity]

Ah the joys of knowing your big brother cares so effing much.....

This was sometime last month, when it wasn't even as "real" as it is now.

"Yuknow, it was as much your fault as it was his."

I ran from the kitchen and burst into tears. Yea, Mike. Thanks for the affirmation I DIDN'T need!

There's also the matter of my mother. Now I know she means well, but it's just so hurtful. She keeps telling me that even if I do take the bastard to court, he'd walk because I never clearly said no and I didn't fight him. I appreciate the concern, Mom, but do you honestly know how much that hurts?

Granted, I know it has to be hard for her as well-dredging up memories of her own experience and all that-but she refuses to act like she's affected because when it happened to her, everyone thought that if a girl was r***d, it was HER fault. (It happened in the 60's.)

On another note : Reading all these comments has really made my head hurt. I was sitting here going "WHERE DID LOGIC GO??? I NEED TO FIND IT SO I CAN BEAT IT INTO THOSE PEOPLE!!!" All whilst smacking my forehead with every asinine word. :hammer:

[AmyLyn]

Got an old favorite recently,

"You still think about that?"

Um yes, I do still think about that considering it's been my whole life...

Edited July 27, 2007 by SnowWhiteQueen16

[Alicia]

^

[sisterinsurvival]

My husband has been really wonderful through all this. He was trying to understand it better a couple of days ago, and said that "he didn't understand why it still had such an emotional hold on me and why I just couldn't let it go." IT got me thinking, but it upset me too.

[the_lioness]

"You know, when you bring it up I feel abused myself."

And I suppose I'm your abuser? Take me to court and I'll get a dam*ed good defense.

"You must feel pretty guilty about that."

Yes, I do. Are you saying I should?

"You think she's still out there? Wow. You're paranoid."

Yes. Thank you Dr. Phil. And tomorrow: "I escaped the state prison. But why am I on the run?"

"Don't swear. It's against my religion."

Well, yes, mine too. You got a better word?

"You're very brave. Now-- what am I supposed to do about that F I got on my Chemistry quiz? My mom's gonna kill me."

Not quite the way my mom would kill me if I told her what I just told you, but, go on.

"But your dad is a Minister. That means God protected you."

Really? Sorry, I lied.

"It felt good sometimes? But you slept with a chick! You a dike(.)(?)"

Is that a question? I thought you weren't into swearing.

But the worst invalidation is pretending like nothing was ever said at all.

[la_columna_rota]

But the worst invalidation is pretending like nothing was ever said at all.

Absolutely true.

[ocean555]

this psychaitrist i was made to go see...(complete as*hole!!)

"You know your parents are goingto find out..."

Me "About what"

"Your bulimia"

I had spoken to the guy for 5 minutes and he knew nothing about me...it just pissed me off that he made all these assumptions about me, i had literallytold him my name when he said that...grrrrrrrrr!

My guy friend "You look so hot right now I just wanna rape you..." (really, how kind!)

Another guy friend, "Its not rape if you shout surprise first" !!

"I bet people actually enjoy being raped...its just like sex but with no strings and no commitment isnt it" (yeah and a whole lotta violence and pain too in case you didnt realise)

Cant believe reading some of this what some people in the world are like