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[Zipper]

I wanted to introduce myself and tell you a bit about my story. My name is Lisa and I am 33 and a sexually abused survivor...from childhood and most recently, one week ago.

Since the most recent is so vivid...I will share a bit. To begin, I am no longer in the crying stage...I am pissed and want to kill the f*cker who violated me.

I awoke at 1:47am to a man in my room...only a shirt on, fondeling my chest and stomach. I screamed and jumped up, turned on the light, and to make the story short, kept level-headed, as I didn't want to be raped or killed. He had climbed through my balcony and I had accidently left my bedroom door (leading from the balcony) open. He stood with a hard-on, tshirt on sans pants and socks/shoes. I found them on the balcony. Subsequently, crime lab did not find any prints and they have questioned a suspect but I haven't heard anything else.

I am now very very angry. I am pissed at God. Why the f*ck do I keep getting abused? What the f*ck is it about me that attracts this?

Thank you for letting me share.

[dodo]

That must have been been a frightening experience - home should be a safe place and to find someone in your room like that ... well I can't begin to know how frightening that must be.

I am glad you have found AS. Thwre is a lot of friendship and support here

best wishes

karen

[foxy]

welcome to AS zipper

[ginnic]

Welcome..Everyone here is so nice and supportive..

I'm sorry you had to go through that I was attacked in my home also.

[Lindy]

Hi and welcome to After Silence. That must have been such a frightening experience; I'm truly sorry you had to go through that.

Take gentle care,

Lindy

[InLoveWithHer]

Hey Z,

Welcome to AS. There isn't anything wrong with you, and you haven't done anything wrong. It isn't you. There are just a terrible number of horrible people around. But you didn't ask for this, and it sure isn't your fault. Start screaming at God and the world, just don't beat up yourself. This is not your fault.

Hope you find many good friends here, and peace,

Dan

[CJ]

Welcome to AS hun, im not suprised your angry, none of us should have been treated that way

[Donna]

Welcome to AS.

[Becky]

Welcome to AS

I imagine that was an incredibly frightening experience. It sounds very scary and I am glad you are safe now. I am sorry that this pervert got into your room. I pray that he is caught .

[Zipper]

Thank you everyone for your support. It has been 11 days and the anger comes and goes, sorrow comes and goes, and fear is constant. I've been writing tons, trying not to cope with too many substances, but I seem to fail in that regard daily. I haven't hurt myself since last Sunday. That was part of the story I didn't share. I took about 70 various pills....awoke about 15 hours later, feeling like sh*t, but alive.

In case you are concerned, yes, I do have a psychiatrist/therapist and he is aware of what happened.

This is not my first suicide attempt but definitely was the most desired. Previously, I had never written a note. I did this time. I guess the universe has other plans for me, as I seem to stay alive, despite numerous efforts to not be.

I just got my laptop back so I'll be around more...

Thanks again for the support and being here,

Lisa

[confused&hurtsd]

Im sorry I know what it feels like to be pissed at God. I myself ask him why all the time?

SD