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Hello. I've just joined.

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Hello, I have just joined and am starting to explore the site. It is amazing how much time you all seem put into reading, replying and supporting people here.

I came across After Silence when looking for local or online support groups because I realised I don't think I have ever had any conversations with survivors and I think hearing others people's stories, learning from others and knowing if anything I've been through connects to others might be helpful. I've never described myself as either victim or survivor - whenever I tell people what happened (which is not often), I just describe them as events that happened in the past but I think maybe I need to understand them as part of me rather than something that just happened to me to move on? I think recognising myself in others stories might help me understand myself to be a survivor and what that means. I don't think I'm there yet.

TBH I am not exactly sure where I am in my healing journey but I have been living with two experiences of SA for nearly 24 and 30 years respectively and I think I am really just coming to terms with the full extent of their impact on me. I always told myself that I was fine, I was luckier than most, I just needed to stop thinking about it or that I was failing somehow by not being over it by now... always minimising what happened and pushing it to one side. Now I have been working with a great therapist for 18 months and over the past 6 we have been a lot more work about the assaults. In the past few weeks, quite suddenly it felt like something has broken open and I'm feeling quite overwhelmed with anxiety, constant crying, not sleeping and thinking about what happened all the time. I am also learning a lot of how and why these experiences effected me so I am trying to keep faith that what I am going through right now will be helpful but it's been quite an intense and difficult few weeks! I don't know if that's a common experience for others working through these things? I'm trying to be patient with myself but just feeling quite drained with it at the moment.

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Dear stillprocessing


Welcome to After Silence. I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!


Being here has helped me so much. Everyone is so caring and supportive here. I am proud of you for reaching out. I know that is hard to do. I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community. Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    


Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.  

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Welcome to AS.   I know you'll find lots of support and kindness here.

Take care Patti 

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Hello and welcome to AS @still_processing. ❤️ I'm glad you found your way here, though I'm sorry for what you've experienced. You will meet a lot of friendly and supportive people in this community. I think it will help you to read other peoples' stories and see where you are in the process. Take your time. :) There's no rush...healing takes a lot of time. But we're all here for you! Best wishes!


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Hi still_processing and welcome to the community.

I am very sorry for all you've been thru, but glad you decided to reach out. You will find so many supportive and understanding people here...you are not alone. 

It's ok that you don't know how to describe yourself, as labels tend to mean more for some than others...and actually time can also change one's perspective on the topic. There is often the need tho, to understand what happened and how it has affected you. Many of us have...and maybe to some extent still do, try to disconnect present everyday issues to other things, and not from the trauma we had gone thru. Trauma does change us, even if we try to deny it. I know it has for me. 

I found this community after 30+ years of deny and doing "this" alone. Joining this community was one of the best choices I ever made, in regard to my healing path. Interacting with others who understand and relate...I never realized how much it would help. I hope you find the same positives with finding us that I (and many others here) have. 

I am glad you have a therapist that you bonded with well. I do understand that it can be overwhelming, as you are now facing things you've held in for so long. This is not uncommon. I agree with you that keeping the faith is necessary. It's not easy, but it will become easier. Time and patience are difficult but can be worth it. 

Again, I am so glad you found us and decided to reach out. Feel free to look around and interact with others where you feel comfortable doing so. I wish you many forward steps on this path we call healing.



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@still_processing welcome ( :

i can very much relate to some of what you said. i was very badly hurt very early in my life. all of my memories and awareness of those things somehow became concealed in my own mind. i grew up thinking that i was one of the very fortunate people to have not experience such things. then when i was 34, i had a dream that revealed that such things did happen to me. it's very emotionally painful to live with these kinds of feelings trapped inside for so many years. i know.

the more that i progress through the process of trying to recover and heal, the more i am coming to terms with just how important and serious these matters are that i struggle with. finding this support forum, being here, has helped me so so much. as long as you are comfortable being here, i hope that it will also greatly help you.

and while i know that the road to recovery can be very long and difficult, i also know that suitable support can make a world of difference.


Edited by Sleepographer
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13 hours ago, Sleepographer said:

i know that the road to recovery can be very long and difficult, i also know that suitable support can make a world of difference.


Thank you for the reply. I am so sorry for what happened to you but am glad to hear you have been able to make progress and it is reassuring to hear also. I am definitely starting to understand the importance of support and trying something different to doing it alone. I hope you continue to find the right support for your own journey.

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Hi glad you found this place and welcome friend.  Wishing you all the best and gentle thoughts your way. A.

Edited by awi
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