Hi from Jess from the UK

[Florence123]

Hi there,

I'm Jess. I struggle to talk about my experiences that happened between the ages of around 14-27. For a long time I thought that if I could reframe them in my head as rough/kinky/slutty but consensual I could avoid PTSD. I am 34 now and I can't ignore the effect its having on me. I experience intrusive memories and flashbacks. Especially now that I feel emotionally ready to find a lifelong partner and build a healthy relationship of equals - I am noticing that my fear of intimacy is a big blocker to that.

I am hoping to connect with others, find peace and start seeking/building a healthy, long term relationship with someone who brings value into my life. And, share life with someone who compliments me. I have not liked the version of myself I become in relationships. I don't feel like i have brought the best out in my past partners. I hope to look at myself and try to change the unhealthy patterns. I don't know how, but that's what I hope for.

Jess

NB - I'm not looking to AS for a romantic relationship, but as a place to share thoughts and tips on finding a healthy headspace for relationships after trauma

Edited May 7 by Florence123

[Florence123]

NB - I'm not looking to AS for a romantic relationship, but as a place to share thoughts and tips on finding a healthy headspace for relationships after trauma 

[Dawn76]

@Florence123 Hi Jess and welcome to After Silence. I'm so sorry for the trauma you have experienced that has brought you here. You are not alone in how you are feeling. 

This is a wonderful group of people at AS that are so helpful, kind, and most of all supportive. I hope you find it helpful to be here. 

Dawn

[Florence123]

Thank you Dawn

[WannaMoveOn]

1 hour ago, Florence123 said:

Hi there,

I'm Jess. I struggle to talk about my experiences that happened between the ages of around 14-27. For a long time I thought that if I could reframe them in my head as rough/kinky/slutty but consensual I could avoid PTSD. I am 34 now and I can't ignore the effect its having on me. I experience intrusive memories and flashbacks. Especially now that I feel emotionally ready to find a lifelong partner and build a healthy relationship of equals - I am noticing that my fear of intimacy is a big blocker to that.

I am hoping to connect with others, find peace and start seeking/building a healthy, long term relationship with someone who brings value into my life. And, share life with someone who compliments me. I have not liked the version of myself I become in relationships. I don't feel like i have brought the best out in my past partners. I hope to look at myself and try to change the unhealthy patterns. I don't know how, but that's what I hope for.

Jess

Hello Jess! 

I am Wanna, welcome to AS!

After Silence is a safe place by survivors for survivors. When getting flashbacks, body memories and struggling to cope, we tend to feel alone. Our community offers a chance to relate, exchange support and share our trauma. Of course, you decide what you'd like to tell. 

Please know, we believe you and it wasn't your fault. You are not alone!

We discuss relationships after experiencing r/SA here as well, how to trust again and setting boundaries. You can check out our forum Relationships and Sexuality for that. 

If you'd need some support, would have any questions or needing just a good vent/chat, you can contact me or any staff member of choice. I am just one PM away! 

Please check your inbox for some information. Have a lovely day! 

- W ☀️

[forestmistheather]

Hello Jess, welcome to AS

I'm glad you found us, but I'm sorry for what brought you here.

I am also in the UK.  Maybe I should ask you about your thoughts on the coranation, or is that too politically senative? haha. I like the monachy, but think all the pomp and pagentry is just too much - and that oath they wanted us to swear, wtf?  Nah, I'm not subserviant to anyone.  Everyone is my equal and I am theirs.  Anyway...

AS is a very supportive place, and you'll find forums on everything.  Take your time, have a look around, and shout if you need anything.

Forest x

[awi]

Hi Florence welcome to aftersilence. This is an incredibly safe place.  I joined I think 2006 and have been here on and off.  And am amazed of all the tough spots I was helped with in this community. By example, company, or just being believed.  You are in the right place.  Starting the healing journey is the biggest step. There are ups and downs in my life but oh it's tons better than scared me when I started. Be gentle with yourself. Not your fault not your blame. 
a

[Florence123]

Thanks for the welcomes @awi @forestmistheather @Wannabebetter

[MeBeMary]

Hi Jess and welcome.

I am very sorry for the trauma you have experienced and the struggles you have faced. It was wrong for anyone to hurt you in any way. This is a supportive community with understanding and kind people. Please know that you are not alone.

Relationship struggles are far too common among survivors, so many of us can relate. Some have moved in the right direction and hopefully they can share ideas and encouragement to you. Please note, as well, we are not a site that encourages or endorses members to find romantic interests here. We are about supporting, encouraging, healing and validating what we've gone thru. If you ever feel compromised by anyone in any way, please contact a staff member or our onsite help desk. We are here to keep everyone safe and comfortable in a healing environment. 

I am happy you reach out to join us, it's a brave step to do so. I wish you many more forward steps on your path in healing.

Mary

 

[Florence123]

Thank you @MeBeMary I will be mindful about all the things you have mentioned

[missfrier]

Dear jess

 

Welcome to After Silence!!

 

I'm sorry for what you have been through. I find it is easier to talk on forums then out loud. Being here has helped me so much, even from the first time I ever posted. It is still helping me - I have so much support here and I know you will, as well. Here at AS, we are like a big family and our members are kind and non-judgemental.

 

  I been   with my partner  for 23  years      i hid how  much  i hate   physical  side of a relationship       when i started  therapt    i   told my partner that  i  hate  it   and  it brings things back   nad  he told me  being physical it  doesnt  matter   as  long as  i am  happy

 

I am sending you lots of safe hugs!

 

Take are!

[SociallyAwkward]

I kept what happened to me secret because I didn’t think he did anything wrong. He didn’t really hurt me, so I saw it as a consensual thing....

but you can’t give consent to someone much older than you if your just a kid. I’m 35 and I’m kinda at that same point in my life where I need to really figure out what I’m doing with myself and my mental health. That come before finding a partner.