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Hi everyone. I’ve recently come to some hard realizations about my past and while a part of me feels relieved to finally have cracked the code to what’s wrong with my life, another part is just completely lost. I’ve tried many medications to deal with depression/bipolar(maybe idk). I tried therapy once and the therapist lied to her superior about me being “resistant” to make herself look better. I never looked for another. I don’t trust very many people at all and try to keep to myself. My panic attacks and anxiety have increased and worsened bc I think I can’t keep this in any longer.
It’s really taken a toll on me trying to protect my abusers who are now both deceased. So I found this forum and I hope to gain some clarity on what happened to me as a child. I find myself needing a different perspective as the one I have is off. It feels off. Im just now, at 37, starting to deal with all this and it’s extremely nerve wracking putting myself out there but something’s gotta give. So, hello, and thank you for accepting me here. 

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Hello and welcome to AS, @flybygone! I'm glad you found your way here. :) I'm so sorry for what you've been through, however. It was wrong and painful, and you were a child...it was so undeserved. I'm so sorry.

It takes time to heal, and it takes time to build up to a point when you feel READY to heal. So it's ok that you're 37. There's no age limit to starting to heal. ❤️ It's totally normal to be nervous in a new place, too. But please know that you're safe here. AS is filled with kind, caring, and supportive people that have been where you've been. You're not alone. 

I would suggest finding a new therapist...what your first one did was incredibly wrong...I'm sorry she lied about you. Trust me, there are much better therapists out there, ones that are trustworthy. You just gotta look. Of course, only when you feel ready/comfortable.

Sending you support and strength. Best wishes to you. ❤️ 

-Finchy

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@flybygone Welcome to AS, I am sorry for what you've been through... You will find many people here who can relate to you're experiences.

I second what Finchy said, you can heal, there is no age limit, and there are trustworthy therapists out there.  

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Hi @flybygone

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma you've experienced, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. This is a kind and caring community and we are all here to help each other heal. My first therapist as a teenager was not good and honestly did more harm then good to me. That experience turned me off therapy and made me afraid to try it again. It took me several years before I was willing to see another therapist, but I'm so glad I did. My new therapist was wonderful and really showed me that therapy is not the problem, you just have to have the right fit. Don't be afraid to try again with a new therapist. 

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Hi flybygone,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am sorry for the trauma you've endure as a child and the struggles you still face today. I understand that prolong realization and acknowledgement of childhood trauma. I've only come to find my own truth a few years ago (I am 54). This community has been such a huge part of me not hiding from my own truth anymore. It was the first time I actually realized that I was not alone and that I was accepted, confusion and all. These survivors are such an amazing group of people. I am glad you decided to join our community.

Feel free to look around. Jump in where you feel comfortable and at a pace that is your own. There is never pressure, only understanding. I wish you all the best on this path we call healing.

MeBeMary

:notalone:

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Thank you so much everyone! Made me cry a little. Never really felt like I belonged anywhere. I’m happy to be here. I do want to try therapy again, although I have to hold down a job for a couple months first. Haven’t done that since 2008. I guess I’ve been falling apart for a very long time. Anyway, I look forward to getting to know this community and thanks again for the warm welcome. 

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On 10/3/2022 at 5:33 PM, flybygone said:

Hi everyone. I’ve recently come to some hard realizations about my past and while a part of me feels relieved to finally have cracked the code to what’s wrong with my life, another part is just completely lost. I’ve tried many medications to deal with depression/bipolar(maybe idk). I tried therapy once and the therapist lied to her superior about me being “resistant” to make herself look better. I never looked for another. I don’t trust very many people at all and try to keep to myself. My panic attacks and anxiety have increased and worsened bc I think I can’t keep this in any longer.
It’s really taken a toll on me trying to protect my abusers who are now both deceased. So I found this forum and I hope to gain some clarity on what happened to me as a child. I find myself needing a different perspective as the one I have is off. It feels off. Im just now, at 37, starting to deal with all this and it’s extremely nerve wracking putting myself out there but something’s gotta give. So, hello, and thank you for accepting me here. 

Welcome to After Silence! I go by Wanna :flowers:

You did right by coming here, I believe every survivor should have the sense of a community. I understand if picking up therapy feels difficult for you, after such a let down. Here at After Silence, we discuss different ways to heal, cope and to deal with trauma. Many of our members are open about their experiences with therapy and meds. 

This is a safe place for you to connect with fellow survivors. Our members are kind, creating a warm atmosphere. You decide how much you'd like to visit and share. I am happy you decided to sign up. Please know we believe you, and that none of this is your fault. :aswelcomesu:

Reach out any time with questions or for some support! 

All best, 

W ☀️

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Welcome to AS, and I’m sorry for what has brought you here. It takes so much strength to come on here and start to process what you have been through. You deserve healing and peace.  I hope you find what you are looking for here. 

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