Better Late Than Never

[smiley_3]

It's been over a decade since I left the abusive relationship I was in. Besides telling my husband a few stories, I never really talked about what happened to me. I just swept it under the rug thinking; it's done and it will go away. Years of anxiety and intimacy issues with my husband has revealed that it doesn't just go away. When I think back to what happened to me it feels like I'm watching a movie or someone else's life. I realized I have to face this and work through it in order to really know myself and be a healthier person. I recently started working with a counselor who asked me something to the effect of, "What do you know about abusive relationships?" Although I had been in one, it occurred to me that I didn't really understand the "why" behind a lot of what happened or why I allowed myself to be treated that way for so long. I thought joining an online support group would be beneficial in helping me understand my experience and came across After Silence. I'm looking forward to learning from others here and learning more about myself. Thank you for listening. 💕

 

[Finchy]

Welcome to AS, smiley_3! I'm glad you found your way here. ❤️ You will definitely learn a lot here about yourself...there is a lot to learn. You would think that if you experienced something, that you'd know everything about it, but that isn't necessarily the case, as you've found out! So it's great that you joined this community.  I'm so sorry for what you've been through, though. You didn't deserve to be abused. It was not your fault. Sending you lots of support and strength...best wishes.

-Finchy

[MeBeMary]

Hi smiley,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry that you endured an abusive relationship and still struggle. Often times survivors try to sweep it under the rug and to just forget about it. You've learned what many of us here have. As hard as we try to deny our trauma, it still lurks in our subconscious mind and is not truly gone. Facing what happen is likely the hardest step on that healing path. Acknowledging how it affected us and how to work through it is a brave thing to do. So, if you didn't realize it already, you are brave. 

The why can be truly complicated and probably will never be truly understood, but abusers do know how to manipulate situations and people. They make us survivors feel responsible and doubt so many things. This is where the why starts. So, as much as he made you doubt so many things, do know that it starts with him. 

Asking questions tho, is a good way to find understanding and the belief in yourself that you may not have otherwise known. We are glad that you have found us.

I wish you many forward steps on this path we call healing.

Mary

[Capulet]

Hello @smiley_3 and welcome to AS!!    

I am sorry for the circumstances that have led you here - can relate as well.

At any rate, I am glad to welcome you into the community - it is my hope that being here will bring you peace, comfort and healing.

Best wishes,

- Capulet

[snmls]

Welcome @smiley_3

I'm sorry for the trauma you have experienced, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. This community is filled with such kind and caring people and we are all here to help each other heal. This site has helped me in so many ways, and I hope that it can do the same for you. Take your time looking around the site. You are welcome to post whenever you feel comfortable. Wishing you the best. 

[missfrier]

Dear smily3

 

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

 

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

 

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.  

[WannaMoveOn]

On 9/17/2022 at 2:46 AM, smiley_3 said:

It's been over a decade since I left the abusive relationship I was in. Besides telling my husband a few stories, I never really talked about what happened to me. I just swept it under the rug thinking; it's done and it will go away. Years of anxiety and intimacy issues with my husband has revealed that it doesn't just go away. When I think back to what happened to me it feels like I'm watching a movie or someone else's life. I realized I have to face this and work through it in order to really know myself and be a healthier person. I recently started working with a counselor who asked me something to the effect of, "What do you know about abusive relationships?" Although I had been in one, it occurred to me that I didn't really understand the "why" behind a lot of what happened or why I allowed myself to be treated that way for so long. I thought joining an online support group would be beneficial in helping me understand my experience and came across After Silence. I'm looking forward to learning from others here and learning more about myself. Thank you for listening. 💕

 

Hello and welcome on board! I am Wanna by the way

Yes, unfortunately trauma requires our initiative to go away. Healing from abuse is a complex task, but step by step we can heal and move on. Having a community and professional help is a golden combo in my opinion. All survivors need a place to just vent, share and connect with fellow survivors. You decide how much you'd like to share. 

We often ask ourselves "why did I let them do X and Y to me?" when the question is "why did they take such liberties".  Shifting the blame to the actual source is a process. We are here for you, and we believe you. Please know, this was not your fault. 

Do not hesitate letting me know if you'd have any questions or just need some support.

Wishing you the very best, 

W ☀️

 

[smiley_3]

On 9/16/2022 at 7:51 PM, Finchy said:

Welcome to AS, smiley_3! I'm glad you found your way here. ❤️ You will definitely learn a lot here about yourself...there is a lot to learn. You would think that if you experienced something, that you'd know everything about it, but that isn't necessarily the case, as you've found out! So it's great that you joined this community.  I'm so sorry for what you've been through, though. You didn't deserve to be abused. It was not your fault. Sending you lots of support and strength...best wishes.

-Finchy

Hi Finchy,

Thanks for your compassionate welcome. "You didn't deserve to be abused" and "It was not your fault" really hit me hard... in a good way. I think I'm still working on truly believing those statements myself. 

[smiley_3]

Thank you to each and every one of you for such a warm welcome. Your words of kindness, encouragement, and understanding are so helpful. I'm looking forward to sharing and learning more from this community. Thank you! ❤️

[S_Sundance]

@smiley_3Ditto to what everyone said and "it wasn't my fault" is just seeping in after years of recovery. Recovery is a marathon not a sprint. Don't give up before the miracle happens.😁

Edited September 30, 2022 by S_Sundance