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I came here because of something that happened to me over 20 years ago. For some reason it’s come up tonight.  I’ve long thought that a support group might be able to help. Mostly I do t think about it but then sometimes it’s still overwhelming. I tried a hotline tonight but then hung up because I feel like that’s for someone in crisis and I don’t feel like it’s fair for me to take up that service. 

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Hello @Janis15 and welcome to After Silence!  

I completely understand not wanting to use resources for fear that someone else may need them 'more,' but I hope you realize that you are worthy of support, as well.  At any rate, I'm glad you are here.  Although the circumstances are not ideal, it's always nice to welcome a new member into our community.  I do hope you'll make some valuable connections here!

My trauma was 25, soon to be 26 years ago.  I know that while I've done a lot of work on myself, the wounds seem fresh at times, so I can understand where you are coming from.  Many of our community members can relate, actually. 

Hang in there - you are not alone.  Please don't hesitate to holler if you ever need help navigating the site or you have any questions.

Best wishes,

- Cap

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Thank you so much for replying. I’m not sure how this works and I really appreciate your reply. For some reason I’m really upset about this mess tonight. I don’t know  why because it’s so long ago. I just don’t know why it’s so hard still. It was so long ago. And the hotline just seemed, not the right thing. But what’s the right thing when the thing is 20 years ago??

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Hi Janis, 

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am so sorry for the trauma you endured over 20 years ago. You have found a very supportive site tho, with many kind and understanding members. You are not alone. 

It was over 20 years for me too, when I found this community. I spent so much time in denial and not facing the cause of all my struggles. I'm sure this happened to you over the years too. It is a common for many of us here. Reaching out is a big step to make, so I am glad you made that step.

I see you are questioning why it is happening now...when it was so long ago. It's a frustrating thing but they are called triggers. Triggers can be big or small but somehow link you back to that time and the vulnerable feeling you felt at that time. Sometimes the triggers are obvious and sometimes not so obvious. I'm sorry you experienced some sort of trigger. 

Hotlines can help for recent trauma or even emotional and psychological crisis even years later. You are welcome to interact here but keep the hotline number as well. Use it, if you need to. We offer support and understanding, but they can offer much more in the way of professional help, guidance, and referrals (if needed). 

Again, I welcome you and I wish you the best as you begin this path we call healing. 



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Welcome to AS 

We have tenacity to minimize what happened years ago but that's not true.  Things that happened have shaped us to what we are today. This is a safe place with others who understand. You are not alone here. 

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@Janis15 I can relate to your experience as well.  Most of the trauma in my life was 40 years ago.   Those things that affect us so deeply don’t tend to heal well on their own without help.   The emotional wounds just sort of scab over until something comes and knocks into them (triggers) and suddenly we are back to the time when the would was fresh.   The good news is that healing can and does happen.  Connecting with other survivors in a place like this is a huge help for many (I know it has been for me).

I am glad you found your way here.   Welcome to AS

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edit: TW. Sorry, I didn’t realize maybe this isn’t the right forum to discuss the details I did below. Also I didn’t occur to me to add TW. Please remove or move this if needed or appropriate. Thanks. 

Thank you so much. I’m usually ok and don’t think about it but it rears it’s head at unexpected times. And it can be really dark when it does. When it happened, I did tell a couple friends about it, but often I wasn’t understood or it wasn’t understood. I live in a small city and the social circles are tight knit. I still know many people that know the principal person in the incident, (there were 3 men involved, but he was the ringleader I would say) and they either don’t know about him or choose not to. Friends of mine. That alone hurts. And at the time , I didn’t understand it the way I do now, even though I was very hurt after it happened. Physically and psychologically. And now something will trigger that memory. Sometimes I know what it is, like something I watch on tv, or my boyfriend being careless, but sometimes I don’t know what it is. It sucks. In any case thank you for answering. I’m sorry for what happened to you, and glad this forum is helpful for you. 

Edited by Janis15
I think I posted in the wrong forum the wrong way
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