Hi there

[Mark1983]

Hi I’m new to this site and am a bit nervous. My traumatic time happened to me 30 years ago for 3 years as a child I’ve never even spoken to anyone about it up till 3 weeks ago. I managed keep it locked in to the back of my mind and it never surfaced but when I hit depression hard last year I had all these memories coming back to me so I had to ask my parents for answers as it felt like a nightmare so I tried to carry on over the last 12 months but then I broke  3 weeks ago and spoken up with been a 38 year old man I’m kind ashamed and hurt.. I’m now waiting for help but seems a long way away I’ve got to wait 17 weeks. 

[Finchy]

Hello @Mark1983! Welcome to AS. I'm glad you found your way here. First off, as you can see, I've created a new separate thread for your intro post, so it won't get lost in the other welcome thread.  You deserve your own!

I'm so sorry for what you experienced as a child. You were a baby. That is just sickening. I'm so sorry again. It must've been so difficult to hold inside all of your emotions and memories...you were very brave to finally speak up. Your silence has been broken, and there's nothing shameful of that. It was not your fault. And there is nothing wrong with being your age and just talking about it now. Many people hold pain inside for long periods of time...it's very sad, but sometimes we do it to protect ourselves.

Sending you lots and lots of support. I'm wishing you all the best. ❤️ 

-Finch

[MeBeMary]

Hi Mark,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you’ve endured. It wasn’t fair or deserved. You have found a supportive site tho, with many understanding members. You are not alone.

Sadly many survivors tend to hold it in for a long time. It’s there, but we try to ignore the reasons why we struggle. It can be difficult to share those horrors, so speaking to your parents was very brave.

Do know the shame is not yours. Abusers have a way of shifting their own guilt onto those they hurt.

I’m sorry you are hurting, but glad you found us. I wish you nothing but the best as you move down the path we call healing.

Mary

[behindthesehazeleyes]

Hi @Mark1983 I know it really sucks right now, but being able to say “something happened to me” to someone is a good first step. 
Welcome to the forum. Being able to talk to people about it helps, esp ones who understand the hurt and sadness. I too suffer with depression. And anxiety. It’s a long road, but you’re with friends here.

[Mark1983]

Thank you 🙏 at least I don’t feel on my own anymore 

[SociallyAwkward]

I’m 34. I get it. When I first logged into this forum I was nervous and unsure of myself. There are more women here then men and I’ll admit it did make me feel out of place at first, but they have all been so kind to me. I love this forum. You chose a good group to join.

welcome 

[8888]

Hi again @Mark1983.  I know we’ve talked already but I just wanted to post here as well.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m so glad you found us.  See you around!  

[WannaMoveOn]

On 6/10/2022 at 12:35 AM, Mark1983 said:

Hi I’m new to this site and am a bit nervous. My traumatic time happened to me 30 years ago for 3 years as a child I’ve never even spoken to anyone about it up till 3 weeks ago. I managed keep it locked in to the back of my mind and it never surfaced but when I hit depression hard last year I had all these memories coming back to me so I had to ask my parents for answers as it felt like a nightmare so I tried to carry on over the last 12 months but then I broke  3 weeks ago and spoken up with been a 38 year old man I’m kind ashamed and hurt.. I’m now waiting for help but seems a long way away I’ve got to wait 17 weeks. 

Hello and welcome here! I am Wanna

Our trauma start coming back at the least expected of times. It is important that you take good care of yourself and find a support system. I am proud of you for reaching out to get help, that can be scary but you'll thank yourself down the road. 

Being wait listed can sure be frustrating, been there myself. I hope this community will ease that waiting a bit. This is a safe place for all types of survivors, where you can share in the amount you feel comfortable with. We tend to relate to each other here. Please know, we believe you. 

Let me know if I can be at any help, even for just some chat/venting. I am just one PM away.

All best, W ☀️

[Mark1983]

Thank you so much sorry late replay been a bit of a hard time I’ve had to take time of work as I’ve been really struggling mentally and emotionally. Just feel rubbish 

[WannaMoveOn]

On 7/8/2022 at 7:45 AM, Mark1983 said:

Thank you so much sorry late replay been a bit of a hard time I’ve had to take time of work as I’ve been really struggling mentally and emotionally. Just feel rubbish 

I am sorry you are in a bad place. Stay safe, ok?