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hej hej hallå


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hej, you can call me rune. i'm 23, female-to-male trans (he/him), and an artist of many media. i speak English and Swedish. i'm studying game development in college, which is pretty rigorous. i love to draw, but my major is focused on 3D modeling and animation. i find i'm best at texturing. i get very enthusiastic talking about video games, game development and game art, and don't even get me started on game soundtracks - i will talk your ear off. i play piano and a bit of guitar, and i'm also training my voice now. i used to produce with vocaloid, until my hearing got too bad. i just love to create.

i'm a survivor like many others here. i've been a victim of long-term, repeated CSA and repeated SA as an adult. a dear "friend" started some talk among the rest that there was no way i had actually experienced all that (because i'm "not that attractive," i might add) so i just keep it entirely to myself after that. i have CPTSD and a bipolar diagnosis, though the bipolar diagnosis could be attributed to my trauma problems. and i also have DID, but i keep quiet about that too in most situations. i've read the rules, don't worry. 

it's very difficult to open up about my story and especially to allow myself to be vulnerable, even on the internet. too many bad experiences. but i'm at a place where i have no therapy anymore and no shoulders to cry on either, so i'm just going to have to try. everyone seems kind here so i'm hoping it'll be a different experience.

if you're into The Sims 4 or Skyrim, let's chat! i mod those games and i love talking about them. also if you're a fan of frictional, killmonday, playdead or red candle games, i appreciate you so much. horror is my favorite genre of pretty much anything and their horror games hold v special places in my heart. 

i dunno where i was going with this intro, but i guess i just wanted to introduce myself a bit. it would feel weird to post without and intro here i think. i hope to get to know you guys here. hej hej hallå!!

Edited by markeslilja
idk how or if we can spoiler lol
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Hello and welcome to AS, @markeslilja! I'm glad you found your way here. :) First of all, I'm super excited by your intro...I love video games and vocaloid (though I've never used the program...I just listen to the music! I love Miku!), and it's nice to find someone else that does, too. I'm not into horror games, though, sadly. I can't handle horror at all lol. I prefer RPG's. And no, I also unfortunately have not played Skyrim...but I've heard great things. That's very cool you mod it along with Sims 4! I know nothing about modding haha, but again, very cool. As for your art, feel free to share with us. We have a section on the forum called Healing Through Creativity, where you can post some of your art if you'd like. 

I'm so sorry, though, for what you've been through. It sounds like you've suffered quite a lot throughout your life. :( None of it was deserved, none of it was your fault, and I'm sickened by that "friend" of yours that gaslit you and even said you weren't "attractive enough" to be abused. That is just messed up. Not friends at all. I'm so sorry. 

Take your time exploring the site and opening up. There's no rush. You'll find a lot of very supportive and friendly people here. You're not alone. Sending you tons of support in this healing journey of yours. Also, I hope you can find a therapist again some day. It would be very helpful.

-Finch

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@mini.finch thank you! i appreciate this message so much. RPGs are great; i'm currently making one of my own in RPGmaker! but it is horror so maybe not to your taste in particular haha. 

it's been rough but i'm hanging in there. as much as i hate to say it, that "friend" has recently gotten a sweet, well-deserved taste of a decade worth of bad karma from the way she treats everyone around her. ironically, she's now experiencing some of the very things she called me pathetic for.

but that aside, thank you again for the welcome!! and if you have any thoughts about what you like most in an RPG, please send me a message! as a dev i want to know what players enjoy most!

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18 hours ago, markeslilja said:

hej, you can call me rune. i'm 23, female-to-male trans (he/him), and an artist of many media. i speak English and Swedish. i'm studying game development in college, which is pretty rigorous. i love to draw, but my major is focused on 3D modeling and animation. i find i'm best at texturing. i get very enthusiastic talking about video games, game development and game art, and don't even get me started on game soundtracks - i will talk your ear off. i play piano and a bit of guitar, and i'm also training my voice now. i used to produce with vocaloid, until my hearing got too bad. i just love to create.

i'm a survivor like many others here. i've been a victim of long-term, repeated CSA and repeated SA as an adult. a dear "friend" started some talk among the rest that there was no way i had actually experienced all that (because i'm "not that attractive," i might add) so i just keep it entirely to myself after that. i have CPTSD and a bipolar diagnosis, though the bipolar diagnosis could be attributed to my trauma problems. and i also have DID, but i keep quiet about that too in most situations. i've read the rules, don't worry. 

it's very difficult to open up about my story and especially to allow myself to be vulnerable, even on the internet. too many bad experiences. but i'm at a place where i have no therapy anymore and no shoulders to cry on either, so i'm just going to have to try. everyone seems kind here so i'm hoping it'll be a different experience.

if you're into The Sims 4 or Skyrim, let's chat! i mod those games and i love talking about them. also if you're a fan of frictional, killmonday, playdead or red candle games, i appreciate you so much. horror is my favorite genre of pretty much anything and their horror games hold v special places in my heart. 

i dunno where i was going with this intro, but i guess i just wanted to introduce myself a bit. it would feel weird to post without and intro here i think. i hope to get to know you guys here. hej hej hallå!!

Hello there! Or shall I say Hallå 😉 (jag är svensk men skriver på engelska här). 

Welcome to our community! You are doing the right thing connecting with other survivors. It seems like you´ve already started your healing journey at some places, and maybe are more recent in others. Wherever you are at, After Silence is here for you. :aswelcomesu: I am sorry to hear you are not having therapy. Maybe you could check out our list of websites for temporary support chats and hot lines. Please do not pay attention to what anyone of these people have said, who question your past. That is by no means ok. We believe you! 

Yes, being vulnerable can be a challenge, but our members form a wonderful support system. You can talk about anything really, nothing is too big or small.

I play the Sims 2, with all the expansion packs that is. I have followed some gamer´s channels on YouTube though. 

Hope to see you around, 

- W 🌞

Edited by WannaMoveOn
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Hi 👋. Welcome I hope you find a supportive community here. I too am DID so if you need anything feel free to holler our way. Take safe care.

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@WannaMoveOn hallå! (jag är inte svensk men jag lär mig svenska! och skriver på engelska här också lol) thank you for the welcome! i am struggling a lot without therapy but I'm trying to find some resources outside of it. i'm glad there's a list here. i'm so glad this community is so friendly already! thank you.

 

@Field8 Thank you! i appreciate it, and you too!

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4 minutes ago, markeslilja said:

@WannaMoveOn hallå! (jag är inte svensk men jag lär mig svenska! och skriver på engelska här också lol) thank you for the welcome! i am struggling a lot without therapy but I'm trying to find some resources outside of it. i'm glad there's a list here. i'm so glad this community is so friendly already! thank you.

 

@Field8 Thank you! i appreciate it, and you too!

If you would ever like to discuss healthy coping and alternatives to therapy, many of our members could give great advise. Oh, you are learning Swedish, that is a fun surprise. Since so few speak it, I always wonder why people want to learn it but hey, you learn Swedish you´ll probably figure out Norwegian as well :) 

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1 minute ago, WannaMoveOn said:

If you would ever like to discuss healthy coping and alternatives to therapy, many of our members could give great advise. Oh, you are learning Swedish, that is a fun surprise. Since so few speak it, I always wonder why people want to learn it but hey, you learn Swedish you´ll probably figure out Norwegian as well :) 

it'll be pretty useful for my career! i'd love to work with a horror studio in Sweden. the Nordic countries in general execute horror so well, and two of my favorite studios are Swedish. there are a lot of remote indie developer roles all over the world now, especially since the pandemic, and knowing Nordic languages will help a lot in getting a job with an indie studio because there are just so many - Norwegian is my next goal haha! then Danish, but i'm a bit intimidated by Finnish ngl

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7 minutes ago, markeslilja said:

it'll be pretty useful for my career! i'd love to work with a horror studio in Sweden. the Nordic countries in general execute horror so well, and two of my favorite studios are Swedish. there are a lot of remote indie developer roles all over the world now, especially since the pandemic, and knowing Nordic languages will help a lot in getting a job with an indie studio because there are just so many - Norwegian is my next goal haha! then Danish, but i'm a bit intimidated by Finnish ngl

Wow, go you! To be honest, I do not understand Danish that well, and Finish does not belong to the Nordic languages... in fact, Finish is a mystery. I´ve heard it´s tracked down to be related to Ukrainian now. Who knows?

Oh, horror movies. I watch them sometimes and then instantly regret it. 😄 Didn´t know that Sweden was so forward with that. Best of luck with your languages! 

Edited by WannaMoveOn
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7 minutes ago, WannaMoveOn said:

Wow, go you! To be honest, I do not understand Danish that well, and Finish does not belong to the Nordic languages... in fact, Finish is a mystery. I´ve heard it´s tracked down to be related to Ukrainian now. Who knows?

Oh, horror movies. I watch them sometimes and then instantly regret it. 😄 Didn´t know that Sweden was so forward with that. Best of luck with your languages! 

Thank you! I didn't know that about Finnish; I always thought they were a Nordic country, but the fact that their language has so many cases does make it resemble something like Ukrainian or a similar Slavic language. And Sweden is just huge for games in general! Almost all of my favorite horror games are from Sweden, Denmark or Norway. Except the one from Taiwan lol. But yes a LOT of game developers come from the area! But that aside, thank you very much! :)

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Welcome @markeslilja to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

Also, you may be able to find some gamers to chat with in our Amusement Alcove under the Etc. section.  I'll link it below:

http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/index.php?/forum/86-etc/

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Welcome! I speak only English and Spanish so I can't demonstrate like our friend @WannaMoveOn :throb:

I hope you find our community beneficial and supportive. 

:notalone:

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Hi Rune!  You Mod Sims 4?  Love that game.  They need log cabin siding, thats not available in any pack or anything is it?  I have a LOT of the content.  

Welcome to the site, I'm new too.  Hoping it will be helpful because I really need to get validation that my symptoms are normal for what I've been through.  

Anyway, glad you are here.  

PA

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Dear rune

 

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

 

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

 

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.  

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