New-broken&lost

[Jason92]

Hi, I'm terrified typing this. Was molested at a young age.....

I always buried the pain. For years just dealt with the symptoms, like depression etc.

I feel so alone, lost, aimless, and misunderstood. I've received sympathy from others, but not real empathy. I trust no one. I yearn for relationships but I'm terrified of them because I'm afraid to lose it.

I feel utterly trapped, suffocating and drowning in the waters of all my suppressed pain. I hope I can get better, though doubtful....

Much more to say but keeping it a short intro. 

Thank you all so so much. I really need people in my life who understand me, and I hope to God that this may in some way satisfy that need.

Thanks,

Jason

Edited December 3, 2021 by Jason92
It came out weird, unsure how to fix it

[Lal]

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to respond here yet but I just. I want you to know it didn't come out weird, and I know how hard it is to even talk about these things, and you're really brave to do so.

[Finchy]

Welcome again, Jason! I think you meant that the formatting came out weird? I think that's because you copied and pasted, right? It's ok. No worries. No one will mind.  

Sending you lots of support and comfort. Take care!

[Finchy]

11 hours ago, Lal said:

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to respond here yet

Of course you can! You can reply anywhere you feel up to replying to. ❤️ 

[8888]

Welcome @Jason92 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi Jason and welcome. 

I am very sorry for what happened to you as a youngster. It was unfair and undeserved. You have found a very supportive site tho, with many understanding and kind members. You are not alone. 

All those crazy, mixed-up feelings? As sad as it may be, it is common for what you've experienced. It isn't deserved, but it's common. Many of us have felt the same way and processing it is never easy. It's a good step to reach out tho and interact with others who know what you are going thru. I wish you many more steps forward as you begin this trek down the path of healing. 

Mary

[GreenHairDontCare]

On 12/3/2021 at 1:59 AM, Jason92 said:

Hi, I'm terrified typing this. Was molested at a young age.....

I always buried the pain. For years just dealt with the symptoms, like depression etc.

I feel so alone, lost, aimless, and misunderstood. I've received sympathy from others, but not real empathy. I trust no one. I yearn for relationships but I'm terrified of them because I'm afraid to lose it.

I feel utterly trapped, suffocating and drowning in the waters of all my suppressed pain. I hope I can get better, though doubtful....

Much more to say but keeping it a short intro. 

Thank you all so so much. I really need people in my life who understand me, and I hope to God that this may in some way satisfy that need.

Thanks,

Jason

Hi Jason, I responded to another post you made a few minutes ago not realizing you had posted this one first. I completely understand you when you say that people have shown you sympathy and not empathy. To be able to say sorry, but not really understand what you are going through is sympathy. But for true empathy, to know what you are going through, to actually have experienced, maybe not exactly the same thing but similar, is completely different.

I can honestly say that I know what you are going through, because I feel the same way. I have struggled with depressive thoughts and anxiety and fear for most of my life. The only thing that I can tell you is that one day it will get better, or so others have told me. One day it won’t hurt as bad, or feel so fresh. One day it will become bearable and just know that everyone here is here for you. I am here for you if you should ever need someone to talk to. 

Warm Regards,

Green

[missfrier]

Dear jason

 

Welcome to After Silence.  I am sorry to hear of the trauma you have been through!

 

Being here has helped me so much.   Everyone is so caring and supportive here.  I am proud of you for reaching out.  I know that is hard to do.  I also know that you will find that needed compassion and support here within our community.  Know we are here for you and we will listen whenever you would like to lean on us.    

 

Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for any help if you ever need it.  

[Jason92]

Thank you so so much. It really means so much.

[Claira]

Hello glad your here . I also was molested at a young age 4-12 . I also just for years dealt with the symptoms. And now it’s extremely hard . So I get what your going thru . Please keep reaching out it’s safe here . It’s the only place I have found that helps really helps so stick with it . Find someone here to talk to it does work safe hugs if you want . Getting it off your chest helps it not have control. 🫂

[Jason92]

No one's gotten back to me about support groups in my area. It's very disheartening and makes me feel even more isolated.

I'm just sitting around with anxiety and pain and even once mustering the courage to research and ask for help, I get no responses.

Thinking of just giving up. Maybe I'm trying too hard to get better. And maybe it's not as bad as I think, idk...

Maybe someone here knows of a support group in the vicinity that I haven't found yet online? If so, you can pm me.

At least I have all of you here who care, understand, and support me. Thanks.

 

Jason

Edited December 22, 2021 by Jason92

[Jason92]

Finaly someone called me back about a support group they run. The problem is that it's virtual. I'd really prefer in person, as I feel that would make it be more like we're together and I'm not alone. Though it's better than nothing. I'll still look into other options though.

Does anyone done both in person and online to be able to tell me whether its comparable?

Thanks

[Claira]

Good afternoon ,

i to was molested from age 4-12 and raped at 17 I suppressed memories for 30 years and when they came they came on full force . It’s like a movie stuck on repeat . I am so sorry for what your going thru. It’s such a consuming feeling . The best advice I can give is tell your story let out your feelings don’t give your abuser the power over you by your story staying hidden. Nobody here will judge you I promise you that . Stay strong . 

[Jason92]

I'm sorry for what you went through.

I'm terrified of writing it. When I think about it I get lightheaded and almost faint.

And I feel like it's nothing compared to everyone else so I don't deserve to feel the way I do...

I'm going to therapy in the morning and will discuss with him.

 

Thank you so much,

 

Jason