First Time in Support Group

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

Hi all,

I registered for my account when I was at one of my lowest points. I learned through therapy that I have been in denial for a long time that I was sexually assaulted. Instances of rape and assault while intoxicated. I thought I had dealt with it and moved on....but that isn't the case at all. About a week ago, I started realizing I was potentially groomed by a co-worker when I was 17, he was in his 40s. This is a whole new realm of guilt, shame, confusion, anger. I'm really struggling with it. I don't really have anyone in my life who I feel I can share this with and I just don't want to feel alone with this anymore. I'm now married to a man who is gentle, kind, patient, and more than I probably deserve, but I feel like my past is weighing me down. That I can't fully be present in our relationship because I haven't faced these demons yet. I'm kind of all over the place with it. Anyway, I wanted to introduce myself and maybe begin the real process of healing and forgiving myself.

[Mimi M.]

@DarkestBeforeDawn,

Hey there and welcome. I am somewhat new here too. 

it sounds like many things are starting to come up for you? Possible remembering things or at least seeing them in a new light (coming out of denial)? At any rate, I can identify with a lot of what you wrote about. I am married and also am having a particular hard time RN with him and all the stuff coming up for me. 

This place has been amazing so far. Beautiful people with beautiful stories of bravery and hope despite the horrors of what happened to us all. We are all here together. This place is safe. It is a safe place to find some healing. Here you are not alone. Take care. ❤

-Mimi

[MeBeMary]

Hi DarkestBeforeDawn,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you have endured and the struggles you are facing. Denial is so common among survivors, you are not alone in that. It's difficult to face the abuses we've been thru, but it is brave to face them. We are here with you and for you.

What happened was not your fault and I hope with time you can turn that guilt to the responsible party. They had no right to hurt you and there is nothing you could of done to deserve such pain. 

I'm sorry there is difficulty within your relationship, but do not doubt you deserve a good man. He must see the good in you, as well, otherwise you would not be with him. Trust his judgment. 

Feel free to look around the site and interact where you feel the most comfortable. I am glad you have found us and I wish you many steps forward on this journey of healing. 

Mary

[8888]

Welcome @DarkestBeforeDawn to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[missfrier]

Dear darkestbeforedawn

 

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

 

All my best,

missfrier

 

 

[HernameisLiz]

Hi I’m new here myself.

[DarkestBeforeDawn]

Thank you all so much for welcoming me in. There are some days where I just want to retreat into myself and deal with it under the safety of a blanket in bed, and others where I feel I so desperately need to connect with others who can understand my struggles. I had been making okay progress in therapy, but am missing the social support. I am so sorry that you have also had to deal with this. Sharing in this vulnerability and pain is so powerful...I can feel that. Thank you all for your kindness and I am very hopeful this place can begin my healing journey.