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Want to Say Hello


Mimi M.

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Hello all,

I just happened upon this website today and need to talk to people who might understand. I have 2 small children atm and am a wife. I have been working recovery in a 12-step program for the past ~5 years and that has brought me much joy and peace. I still struggle with CSA that I experienced as a young child. In fact, that is my biggest source of hurt these past few years. Every since I had my daughter (age 7), I am constantly triggered. It effects me being close to her and I feel this great distance between us. I keep her at a distance; I think she reminds me of me at her age. It breaks my heart. I am here because I need help. I cant keep living like this. Thx for reading. 

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Hi @Mimi M.

Welcome to AS. I'm sorry for the trauma you experienced, but I'm glad you found the site and decided to join. Also congrats on your recovery. That is quite the accomplishment. This is a kind and caring community and we are all here to support each other and help each other heal. You are always welcome to post and share on the site whenever you feel comfortable. We have a forum for parents and parenting. I would suggest checking out some of these posts. If you need any help navigating the site, please reach out. I wish you all the best. 

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Welcome to AS, @Mimi M.. I'm glad you found your way here, though I'm terribly sorry for what you've experienced. No child should go through what you went through. And you're not alone...I've read several posts from parents that suffered CSA feeling triggered by their children because they remind them of themselves at that age...and what they suffered from. It makes sense. I'm sorry, though, that you feel like you have to create some distance between you and your daughter. Do you have a therapist? Does the program help provide one for you? It's good you have that program to help, but it seems like some extra help is needed. AS is full of kind and supportive people. You are not alone. Sending you lots of support.

-Finch

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Hello Mimi M,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you endured as a child. It wasn't right for anyone to hurt you. You have found a community with many supportive and understanding members. You are not alone.

I have no children myself, but others have mentioned (like mini.finch mentioned above) that have similar issues. It's not easy when a trigger is person and that person is someone you love. I know it's not as easy as telling you to try and be the protective and loving adult that you yourself did not have. I wish that I did have suggestions, but snmls mentioned the parenting forum as a good place to start to maybe get feedback from other mothers who experience this. 

I am glad you decided to reach out. I wish you well as you continue forward on your journey of healing (and yay for your 5 years...I know that was not easy). 

Mary

:supportu:

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Hello @Mimi M.,

Welcome to After Silence.  I'm sorry about the trauma you experienced and that it is manifesting in your own life currently with your own children.  I know a little about what that's like - having feelings stirred up after months/years in different situations.  

I hope that you find a little comfort and peace.  This is a kind and supportive community full people who care and understand.  

Take care,

Gold Raindrops

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Welcome @Mimi M. to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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Hi @Mimi M.-- I hear you. We see ourselves in those close to us. They shine the light so brightly back, reflecting exactly who we are. Its uncomfortable when what we see is not who we want to be anymore. I get the impression that your children will grow up to be responsible and compassionate souls because you are invested in cultivating that in them. How's it been since joining AS? -- peace  

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@Peace_out,

Thank you for the kind words, and thanks for asking how its been. Since joining AS, I am finding a new level of understanding. I cant describe how helpful it has been to share and hear everyone's thoughts here. A found a missing piece of the puzzle, I think. Take care!

-Mimi

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Hey @Mimi M.--Glad I've been able to reach you in some way, I feel similarly with your words. It is nice to see how a bunch of people who share some experiences which likely have dramatically informed a worldview can have a positive impact on each other. It helps you to feel less lost with sifting through the memories and emotion: A place where you belong. -- peace

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