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Hi JustNotMe,

First of all...no. It is not your fault. There is NEVER a valid or moral reason for someone to hurt another like this. It is NEVER deserved and NEVER fair. 

I do welcome you to our community. You are welcome here and we support you. 

Your feelings and thoughts are unfortunately normal. So many of us blame ourselves or wonder what we did wrong. But there is nothing that will ever justify abuse of any sort. Reaching out here, I do hope you will begin to see that it's not. You will see that you relate in struggles of all kinds with others. You are not alone.

Please look around and see. You can take your time, we are here to support you when you are ready. I am so glad tho, you decided to reach out. It's not always an easy thing to do. 

I wish you well and encourage and support your journey in healing.



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I agree with Mary, 1000%.  Too often the normal response to trauma is to self-blame.  I know it's a tricky mindset to navigate - for I have quite a bit of self-scapegoating experience, myself, but please believe me when I echo Mary's words and say no one is deserving of trauma - especially not at the hands of another.  I am hopeful that being here and gaining support from others will help you to feel less alone and bring you comfort and healing. 

Looking forward to getting to know you and walking this path alongside you.

Best wishes,

- Capulet

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Thank You for reaching out. I have had a "shakeup"  in my life in the past few months. Trying to to " decode" it  all.  My family seems to need me in ways I can't respond.  I'm furze and can't respond.  😭   

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Dear justnotme

 It wasn't  ur  fault   it common  thing to  blame   ourselves     it  really not   our fault


I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   


All my best,




Edited by missfrier
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Welcome @JustNotMe to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you certainly wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

Edited by 8888
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19 hours ago, JustNotMe said:

It's all my fault. All day, everyday.  

I feel this, I feel you. It wasn't your fault. But I know that voice and how convincing it is

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Welcome to AS, @JustNotMe. I'm glad you found your way here. I'm so sorry though for what you've been through. :( It's definitely not your fault...none of it was. None of it is. As the others have said, trauma is never deserved...and you aren't to blame. While our minds like to tell us we're at fault, the truth is that we aren't. We're all here for you. I hope that being on AS will help you to heal and realize that you aren't at fault. Wishing you all the best. Take care. ❤️ 

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