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Defeated?


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Hi there,

I’m grateful to be here – grateful for the community that I am seeing is here, and sorrowful that there are so many of us.  Thank you, everyone.

I don’t know what to say.  I was born in America but I live abroad now – I’m a writer and student of history.  That’s how people see me – studious, sardonic, quirky.  And I’m keeping that persona going right now, but I am draining away.  Last week, I was raped.  By a “friend.”  I’m supposed to keep it secret – only three people know.  I’m trying to be strong and hide it.

But it happened and I can’t stop replaying the scene in my head.  And my wife says it was my fault, because I was drunk and this is the consequence of my actions.  That’s one part of why I am here – I need people who believe me, but I can’t get rid of the feeling that she’s right.  I feel ashamed, defeated.

Thank you, everyone, again. 

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Dear half life 

The rape wasn't  ur fault    wether drink or not    it no ok  to .violate someone nad  it  not  ok to do  it either 

I would like to welcome you to After Silence's forums.  We are all here for you and want to support you in any way we can. I know that posting for the first time can be scary.  Please don't worry, though; you will always be given so much support from our lovely community and its members.  You're not alone - we are with you.

 

You will soon receive an official welcome message in your inbox.  Please feel free to respond to that PM if you have any questions about the forum or if you need some help finding your way around the site. 

 

Take care and keep reaching out!! 

 

 

 

 

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Hi halflife.

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what happened to you last week. What happened was not your fault. Being hurt is never deserved and I am sad that your wife thinks so. Your drinking is not an excuse for anyone to do as they wish to you. I wish she understood this. I want you to understand this, too. What you feel is normal...for un-normal circumstances. We often feel responsible for what others did to us. You did not ask for this tho and this fake friend had no right to do this. I'm so sorry you were betrayed by someone you trusted. 

Feel free to look around the site and interact with others when you are ready. You are not alone. It's not an easy road, this healing thing, but I do wish you well as you work toward moving forward on this path. 

Mary

:notalone:

 

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Hi @halflife

I'm very sorry about the trauma you have experienced. I believe you. What happened was not your fault. It does not matter how many drinks you had. Rape is solely caused by rapist, nothing else. I'm sorry that your wife was unsupportive of you in the aftermath. But we are all here to support you through the healing process. Healing takes time and is a process, but you can and will heal from this. The shame is not yours to hold. I hope you are able to find the support you need on this site. 

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Welcome @halflife to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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I just want to thank all of you who have replied.  It means so much to hear affirmation (even if my wife's words still tear me down) and know that there is such a supportive community.  I was desperate, looking for whatever help I could find, and stumbled upon After Silence - I was scared to start, but it felt right and I am surprised at how safe I feel expressing myself in this space - I am really glad I reached out here, and grateful to all of you.  

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Hi, @halflife - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of what's happened to you. It was certainly NOT your fault. I was also drunk during the times of my assaults and I know that it wasn't my fault, either. You should be allowed to be drunk with friends without the fear of being taken advantage of. I'm so sorry that you were violated and your trust was broken, and I'm also sorry that you aren't receiving the support you need from your wife. That's not helpful at all. 

Just know that I support you and I'm here to remind you that this was not your fault. If you ever need to talk, my inbox is always open. I'm here for you. 

I hope you're feeling welcome here! Let me know if you need anything. 

All the best,
Poppy

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Hello @halflife, and welcome to After Silence. I am Wanna   :flowers:

What happened to you shouldn't happen to anyone. If you were affected by a substance, then it's the responsibility of the other person to not take advantage. I am also sincerely sorry, that your partner holds you accountable for this. This was not your fault, and we believe you. 

After Silence is a safe place for survivors to get a break from society's and people's judgments, to just feel safe to share whatever you'd like. You should be able to be yourself, be allowed to be vulnerable and get the support you deserve. You did a very brave thing by sharing.

I am so happy you decided to give this platform a shot. I believe that every survivor needs a community in their support system. 

And you are not defeated. You are not damaged gods. You are reacting upon this because you are human. There are healthy ways to get through and we are happy to make you company. :notalone:

Please stay safe

- W ☀️

 

Edited by WannaMoveOn
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