New here

[Catjaz]

Hi I am new to this forum and hoping to find ways of dealing with flashbacks so I don't end up in a hospital hugging myself lol. Any advice appreciated 

[WannaMoveOn]

Hello @Catjaz and Welcome to After Silence! I am Wanna  

First off, I am sincerely sorry for your trauma and pain. Please know that you carry no guilt in this, and have nothing to be ashamed of. You fully own your story and we believe you. This forum is a safe place to share and connect with other survivors. You can both receive and offer support here, as well exchange advice. You can talk about anything here, really, everything from coping and healing to plain everyday topics. 

Flashbacks can really take a tool, but they are usually signals that your brain wants to stress something. Even though flashbacks never come off as convenient, it might be a sign that something needs to be processed. Trauma usually lingers in the back of our heads until something makes it come forward, which can result in many types of reactions. I am happy you're reaching out to this platform. You are not alone in this, we tend to relate to another here. Our members form a wonderful system. 

I will DM you a welcoming letter with further information. Feel free to browse this site a bit, have a look around, and once you feel ready to share we'll be right here. Also, us staff always has doors open. If you would have questions, need to chat/vent or anything at all, please feel free to DM us   I wish you the best of luck on healing! 

Stay safe and once again - Welcome! 

- Wanna ☀️

Edited March 5, 2021 by WannaMoveOn

[missfrier]

Dear catjaz

 

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

 

All my best,

missfrier

 

 

[8888]

Welcome @Catjaz to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault. 

Flashbacks can be really hard to deal with.  One thing that helps me is somerthing called grounding.  Basically you refocus your attention on your surrondings so you stay more present.  One way to do this is to pick a color and then look around and see how many things you can find that are that color.  There are some other methods too.  

Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[sisyphus]

I'm learning how to manage my flashbacks, too. Successfully haven't been hospitalized hugging myself since the end of September. Going in can be helpful in some ways but at the same time can also be a trauma of its own. I'm so proud that you went in - it shows how courageous you are, and how dedicated to your own healing. I hope they were able to help you. 

It's taking time but I'm beginning to understand my symptoms and better relate them to the SA/CSA instead of internalizing shame.  I haven't been able to make the flashbacks stop but am beginning to be able to use them cathartically so I feel less helpless in the big picture. 

My heart grieves for what you have been through. 

Sitting with you, if you'd like. 

[Catjaz]

Thank you all for words of encouragement and advice. I don't understand why this is happening. It's been 35 years. Only have a few memories tbh but they are bringing me to my knees. I just need them to stop

[MeBeMary]

8 hours ago, Catjaz said:

Hi I am new to this forum and hoping to find ways of dealing with flashbacks so I don't end up in a hospital hugging myself lol. Any advice appreciated 

3 hours ago, Catjaz said:

Thank you all for words of encouragement and advice. I don't understand why this is happening. It's been 35 years. Only have a few memories tbh but they are bringing me to my knees. I just need them to stop

 

Hello Catjaz and welcome to our community. I am very sorry you have reasons to be here, but do know that you will find tons of support. What happened to you was wrong and unfair. Nobody had the right to treat you this way. Our members are understanding and kind tho, and we all are here for you.

Healing can be a rocky road, with ups and downs and sometimes what feels like going into circles. I know for me, not facing my trauma for 30+ years, hadn't helped my situation. Finding this site was my first real step at even acknowledging what happened. I'm not sure how much you have faced the cause of your struggles, but reaching out is a huge step. There is almost a comfort knowing others really do understand.

I hope you find many forward steps as you move along this path. I wish you the very best on moving forward.

Mary

 

[Finchy]

Welcome to AS @Catjaz! Nice to meet you!  I'm glad you found your way here, though I'm very sorry for what you've gone through. It doesn't matter how long it's been since the trauma, it can still affect us. But it's also never too late to start healing. There's so many supportive and friendly people here that can relate. Take your time. Sending you lots of support and encouragement on your healing journey!

-Finch

[sisyphus]

On 3/5/2021 at 11:44 AM, Catjaz said:

Thank you all for words of encouragement and advice. I don't understand why this is happening. It's been 35 years. Only have a few memories tbh but they are bringing me to my knees. I just need them to stop

@Catjaz

Oh my heart goes out to you. I know this pain, very well. I know you are in a sensitive place, so please disregard this information if it is too much or sounds like advice. I'm not a therapist, but I've put a lot of time and work into understanding my own flashbacks. 

From what I can tell, at the time of the trauma, the part of my brain responsible for communication and processing sensory information got scrambled.  The sight, the smell, the feel, the sound, the taste, the emotions, the understanding and the words all get pushed into a temporary storage box called Coping. Over a lot of years, I have a lot more experiences big and small that get shoved into my Coping box, until the box is so full that it can't hold anything else. Suddenly I'm tripping over sights and smells and sounds and tastes and emotions and feelings that don't make any sense, and which I still can't put into words or use to gain understanding - and through understanding, peace.  I did a good job of living my life, but at the cost of ignoring all this very important information. No shame, no blame - I didn't make this mess but I have to clean it up. All the abandoned parts of myself are now demanding self expression and integration, because I'm strong and wise and mature enough now. 

I would give anything for peace on flashback days. 😕  The good news is that over time, as I work with the memories one by one, retract from non-supportive relationships, develop new daily living skills, find words, and honor all of those suppressed emotions from the present and past, the painful memories do ease. Some of the hardest ones are buried deep inside that box, and bit me in the a** just when I'm making the most progress. That's progress, too. 

Still sitting with you, if that helps. 

 

Edited March 7, 2021 by sisyphus