Hi I'm new here

[blove]

Hi all. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and incest as I was sexually abused by my father. It's been a long slow journey to the recognition that it happened and the path to healing. Over time I have been more open about being a survivor of abuse, so close people in my life know about it. The abuse has permeated every area of my life and negatively affected relationships with myself, family members, friends and my marriage. I was always too scared to face the abuse and thought I couldn't handle it until a life changing event happened that showed me my inner strength.

I read how important it is to join community of other survivors. I struggle day to day and sometimes moment to moment to make sense of it all. I feel a lot of inner turmoil but don't show it to others. I often don't rely on others and don't want to burden people with my problems. I also struggle with the fact that I don't have clear memories of the abuse, which makes me second guess myself. I found a great therapist and I am slowly working through the book The Courage to Heal. What I do know is I want to heal and I am happy to be a part of this wonderful community.

Edited February 4, 2021 by blove

[8888]

Welcome @blove to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  I too have unclear memories.  It doesn't make what happened to you any less valid or terrible.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi blove,

Welcome to our community. I am very sorry for what happened to you as a child and the struggles that you face. They were undeserved and unfair. You have found a very supportive site with many understanding members. You are not alone.

I agree how abuse can affect all areas of your life, even if you really don't acknowledge it. I am quite like you, memories are more vague an confusing from the young age, but there is to much to be dismissed as imagination or something like that. It is not likely you dreamed anything up, as this is the last thing anyone of us would dream up. Do not discard what you feel deep inside...even tho we never wished for it to happen in the first place.

You will find so much support and understanding here. Our community has terrific members who can relate, if not by specific abuse, then the struggles you face. I personally find it better when you don't feel as alone...here, nobody is alone. So welcome aboard.

I wish you the best on making forward steps as you continue this journey of healing.

Mary

[Finchy]

Welcome to AS, @blove!  I'm so sorry for the trauma you went through. But I am glad that you found your way here, and that you're working on your path to healing with a great therapist. Take your time exploring, and I hope you find it as comfy and supportive as I have in my first days here.

-Finch

[ToyahW]

Hi @blove

Thank you for sharing a little of your story with us, you've come to the right place.  I am deeply sorry that you have suffered at the hands of a parent and I hope you find some peace and serenity.

My family abuse was a little different to yours, but all the same it left me with major trust issues, both women and men, and PTSD which I'm still working with every day.  

 

Welcome to this amazing community I only found a few weeks back, but the lightness I felt knowing I was with people who understand was almost instant.

Take care of yourself and reach out any time you want to chat.

 

Toyah

[blove]

@MeBeMary @8888 @mini.finch @ToyahW Thank you for your kind, loving, and supportive responses 💗 It is so nice to connect with you all here.

[blove]

4 hours ago, MeBeMary said:

Hi blove,

Welcome to our community. I am very sorry for what happened to you as a child and the struggles that you face. They were undeserved and unfair. You have found a very supportive site with many understanding members. You are not alone.

I agree how abuse can affect all areas of your life, even if you really don't acknowledge it. I am quite like you, memories are more vague an confusing from the young age, but there is to much to be dismissed as imagination or something like that. It is not likely you dreamed anything up, as this is the last thing anyone of us would dream up. Do not discard what you feel deep inside...even tho we never wished for it to happen in the first place.

You will find so much support and understanding here. Our community has terrific members who can relate, if not by specific abuse, then the struggles you face. I personally find it better when you don't feel as alone...here, nobody is alone. So welcome aboard.

I wish you the best on making forward steps as you continue this journey of healing.

Mary

What has been your journey to understanding the abuse with vague memories? Is there anything that helped you accept it happened or work through it without clear memories? It's something I still wrestle with, though I believe deep down my father was sexually abusive. My older sister was the first one long ago to say my father abused her, but at the time I didn't believe it happened because I didn't have memories. But as I got older I started having dreams, I have PTSD and many other symptoms connected with sexual abuse. 

[missfrier]

Dear  blove

 

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

 

All my best,

missfrier

 

 

[MeBeMary]

9 hours ago, blove said:

What has been your journey to understanding the abuse with vague memories? Is there anything that helped you accept it happened or work through it without clear memories? It's something I still wrestle with, though I believe deep down my father was sexually abusive. My older sister was the first one long ago to say my father abused her, but at the time I didn't believe it happened because I didn't have memories. But as I got older I started having dreams, I have PTSD and many other symptoms connected with sexual abuse. 

Good morning. I wanted to acknowledge I’ve seen your reply with some questions for me. I’m currently at work and will reply this evening.

Also expect the reply in the way of a PM. This forum is public and we wouldn’t want much details discussed here in a public forum.

Until later, have a good day.

[WannaMoveOn]

On 2/4/2021 at 9:03 PM, blove said:

Hi all. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and incest as I was sexually abused by my father. It's been a long slow journey to the recognition that it happened and the path to healing. Over time I have been more open about being a survivor of abuse, so close people in my life know about it. The abuse has permeated every area of my life and negatively affected relationships with myself, family members, friends and my marriage. I was always too scared to face the abuse and thought I couldn't handle it until a life changing event happened that showed me my inner strength.

I read how important it is to join community of other survivors. I struggle day to day and sometimes moment to moment to make sense of it all. I feel a lot of inner turmoil but don't show it to others. I often don't rely on others and don't want to burden people with my problems. I also struggle with the fact that I don't have clear memories of the abuse, which makes me second guess myself. I found a great therapist and I am slowly working through the book The Courage to Heal. What I do know is I want to heal and I am happy to be a part of this wonderful community.

Hello and welcome! I am Wanna

First off, I am sincerely sorry for your trauma and what comes with. Please know that none of it is your fault, and that we believe you. 

Struggling with memories and to trust others again completely normal. Healing takes time and effort. I am so happy you made that step to join in on us, and that you already seem to find this community being comforting. I am also happy to hear, that you've found professional help and have managed to share with close ones. Also a big step. You are doing so well! 

After Silence is here for every survivor and we'll hear you out. Once you are ready, you can share whatever you'd like. This is a great place to connect with other survivors, to exchange support and advice. 

I hope you'll find what you need here. Once again, welcome! 

- Wanna ☀️

[blove]

@WannaMoveOn Thank you so much for your kind words.

[WannaMoveOn]

6 minutes ago, blove said:

@WannaMoveOn Thank you so much for your kind words.

Any time. Make sure to reach out if you would need advice, support or just a chat!