New and Confused

[Spruce2583]

Hi I am new to AS, and also online communities in general. I recently confronted the fact that I am a survivor. I starter therapy 3 weeks ago, and was encouraged to check out online support since LITERALLY NO ONE in my life knows and, as of right now, Id reallyy like to keep it that way. Figured I would post before going to work because I am not sure what to expect, or if anyone will even see or read this, but I am tired of feeling alone, confused, scared, and worthless. 

Spruce2583

[missfrier]

QDear spruce2583

 

I would like to welcome you to After Silence's forums.  We are all here for you and want to support you in any way we can. I know that posting for the first time can be scary.  Please don't worry, though; you will always be given so much support from our lovely community and its members.  You're not alone - we are with you.

 

You will soon receive an official welcome message in your inbox.  Please feel free to respond to that PM if you have any questions about the forum or if you need some help finding your way around the site. 

 

Take care and keep reaching out!! 

 

 

 

 

[Spruce2583]

Thank you for responding MissFrier! I appreciate the welcome! I was checking out some of the forums and there are soooo many resources on AS!! I only wish I found this site sooner! But hey, better late than never :) 

I was so nervous I forgot to actually introduce myself, oopsiees. I am a 29 year young female in NJ. I am currently in an abusive relationship of 11 years and at moments feel courage to leave and identify what happens as wrong, other moments feel stuck and helpless, while other moments I feel safe and loved.... which just honestly makes me feel sick in the head. I work in the field of Mental Health so there is an additional sense of shame that I have like, how could I have not known, or why did I ignore the signs (when I literally studied them), and then the kicker, for staying.......sorry for dumping all this as I am new and not sure if I went too far.....

Also, what is an online community like? Do I respond to other posts? Am I too new for that? Sorry for all the obnoxious Qs, never even owned a MySpace before ahaha 

 

Spruce2583 

[Capulet]

Hello, @Spruce2583 - we are neighbors - I'm in Pennsylvania!  I'm called Cap and I'm one of the site's moderators, so if you ever have any questions, feel free to reach out.  

Welcome to After Silence.  I'm sorry to learn that you're feeling stuck in your current relationship.  I hope that being here and gaining support is helpful toward your healing process.  Good for you on taking a huge leap toward getting yourself onto a path to wellness by joining the site.  It's a very brave and courageous thing to do!!    

18 minutes ago, Spruce2583 said:

Also, what is an online community like? Do I respond to other posts? Am I too new for that? Sorry for all the obnoxious Qs, never even owned a MySpace before ahaha 

Ask anything you like!! 😉  We all have to start somewhere when it comes to online communities. 

You're never too new to respond to posts.  Take it all in at your own pace.  You can say as much or as little as you like, there's never any pressure to share any more than what's comfortable.  We're an awesome group of survivors who are supporting one another and we're happy to have you.

You'll soon get a Private Message from a member of our Newbie Support Team, and she will provide you with some helpful links to read - site navigating tips, guidelines, safety tips, and more.  Feel free to browse at your leisure.  

Don't feel bad about being a mental health professional and not being able to see some of the red flags.  Many, many people can relate to this and struggle with the question of 'why didn't I see these before?'  *raises hand*  

I think it's kinda like being in the very first row at the movie theaters....vision is limited when you are too close, and it's harder to see what's  in the background.  Don't be so hard on yourself on this. ❤️  We fully understand!

Anyways - welcome again.

Best wishes,
Capulet

[Spruce2583]

Hi Neighbor!! I hope you survived the snow storm! Havent had this much snow in years and I got spoiled lol

wow the movie theater analogy is so true!! I will be on the lookout for the Newbie Support Team message. I already am feeling like I made it to the right place.

Thanks for explaining the general community workings and I will continue to read all the tips and stuff on the public forums. Thanks Cap  

 

Spruce2583

 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Spruce2583

[Capulet]

50 minutes ago, Spruce2583 said:

Hi Neighbor!! I hope you survived the snow storm! Havent had this much snow in years and I got spoiled lol

We did - we got more snow in two days than we did in the last two years!  LOL.  I ended up paying the plow dude - it was a toss up between being out $100 for a flat driveway or spending hours on end shoveling it up!  Definitely worth it when we get this much snow.  For smaller storms, I have my son that will do (almost) anything for replenishment of his Ramen noodles! 😄 

Anyway - take gentle care and holler if you need anything.

- Cap

[Finchy]

4 hours ago, Spruce2583 said:

Hi I am new to AS, and also online communities in general. I recently confronted the fact that I am a survivor. I starter therapy 3 weeks ago, and was encouraged to check out online support since LITERALLY NO ONE in my life knows and, as of right now, Id reallyy like to keep it that way. Figured I would post before going to work because I am not sure what to expect, or if anyone will even see or read this, but I am tired of feeling alone, confused, scared, and worthless. 

Spruce2583

Hello and welcome to AS, Spruce!  I'm still new to the forum, too. Been here maybe a week or so? Anyhoo, it's a really nice place with lots of supportive people. Take your time exploring and asking questions. So far, I think you're getting the hang of it, though! You can post as much or as little as you'd like...feel free to reply to posts, start your own, private message people, etc. : ) 

I'm also a neighbor and got lots of snow! I'm not sure what our totals were, but I want to say over 10". It was definitely as high or higher than my little dog.  

I'm sorry for the trauma that you've been going through. Just know that you aren't at fault. And Cap made some really good points like with the movie theater analogy. I wish you the best and hope you find it comfy here.

-Finch

[Spruce2583]

omg I am so gald you responded! I was hoping to run into a fellow newbie, and a neighbor at that! I was checking out some of the forums and noticed that some are from years ago. Can we post to those still? or do you think they are there for us as resource and support to read. For example, I was looking under the Different Types of SA and was seeing really relatable things, but most of them were from 2009, if I remember correctly. I wanted to post that I learned something new, but was not sure if it was worth it as it was an old post. 

Today is my first day so I am glad to hear that you have found this to be a place of safety and support in the week that you have been here. 

Spruce2583

[Finchy]

4 minutes ago, Spruce2583 said:

omg I am so gald you responded! I was hoping to run into a fellow newbie, and a neighbor at that! I was checking out some of the forums and noticed that some are from years ago. Can we post to those still? or do you think they are there for us as resource and support to read. For example, I was looking under the Different Types of SA and was seeing really relatable things, but most of them were from 2009, if I remember correctly. I wanted to post that I learned something new, but was not sure if it was worth it as it was an old post. 

Today is my first day so I am glad to hear that you have found this to be a place of safety and support in the week that you have been here. 

Spruce2583

Haha no problem! Yes, I'm always glad to meet newbies so I don't feel alone being new, too! 

If you feel like you can relate to the thread, you can definitely still post in it. They're all there for posting, not just reading. There are lots of older threads...and I was hesitant at first, too. But you never know who else you might encourage to interact just by your interaction. So yeah, I think it's ok. : )

Yup! Take your time. I'm used to forums, so I've already done a lot of posting, but you can go at your leisure until you're comfortable. This place is definitely supportive! 

[Spruce2583]

okay, phew! Thanks for letting me know its totally normal to post on an old thread (also sorry if i am mixing up or using the wrong tech terms---dont worry I have successfully evaded the Millennial revoke committee from taking my membership card for being technologically inept....thus far, shhh!  ) lol 

You have been super helpful! Let me know if I can ever return the kindness  

Spruce2583

 

[Finchy]

8 minutes ago, Spruce2583 said:

okay, phew! Thanks for letting me know its totally normal to post on an old thread (also sorry if i am mixing up or using the wrong tech terms---dont worry I have successfully evaded the Millennial revoke committee from taking my membership card for being technologically inept....thus far, shhh!  ) lol 

You have been super helpful! Let me know if I can ever return the kindness  

Spruce2583

 

No problem!! And it's ok about the terms. I've been on forums a long time, but I was clueless when I first joined one too. Doesn't matter how old you are! Lol your secret is safe with me. XD I won't tell the committee...

Aww I'm glad I could help!! Just continue to be awesome is all I ask in return! 

[8888]

Welcome @Spruce2583 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi Spruce and welcome to our community!

I am very sorry that you are currently in a stuck relationship, but encourage you are finding moments of courage. Nobody here will say it is easy to leave a relationship, just hope you find enough moments to string together. We will be here to support and encourage it, but never judge. We all find things that we might feel to blame for or not to feel strong enough, but there is no such thing as a perfect instruction manual on how to work things thru. In a relationship...there is additional emotional attachments and those are never easy. As you already see, you are not alone...we hope soon you can work out the confusion and fear...and we know you are not worthless! What you are going thru is unfair and difficult. We support you!

You've gotten good advice already, but know we are hear if you have any questions. Interact at your own speed, no pressure at all. It all starts with one step...then another...then another. It takes time, but the steps add up. I am wishing you many more forward steps as you continue down this path of healing.

Mary

 

 

[Spruce2583]

Thank you! I am certainly trying to hold on to those fleeting moments of courage, and am trusting that one day I will get the courage to try and leave again. Its very comforting knowing I am no longer alone! After ten years of not being able to say anything to anyone about it, I finally have a place to be heard and supported! 

[WannaMoveOn]

On 2/4/2021 at 3:07 PM, Spruce2583 said:

Hi I am new to AS, and also online communities in general. I recently confronted the fact that I am a survivor. I starter therapy 3 weeks ago, and was encouraged to check out online support since LITERALLY NO ONE in my life knows and, as of right now, Id reallyy like to keep it that way. Figured I would post before going to work because I am not sure what to expect, or if anyone will even see or read this, but I am tired of feeling alone, confused, scared, and worthless. 

Spruce2583

Hello and welcome to After Silence! I am Wanna  I am relieved to hear that you have started therapy. Professional guidance combined with a community offers a lot of back up when starting to heal. We tend to help each other out on this platform, by listening and exchanging support. I am sincerely sorry for your trauma, please know that you carry no guilt or shame in this. I wish you the very best on healing. Hope to see you around!               - Wanna ☀️