Hi, I'm a newbie...

[Hufflepuff03]

I was sexually groomed and assaulted for about  a year when I was 15/16 by a grown man. I still have trouble with not blaming myself because I feel that if I were smarter or stronger or said no more times that maybe it wouldn't have happened. I saw a therapist for a bit after, but I feel that it didn't help much. I still have a lot trouble sleeping and some very unpleasant flashbacks. I have a current boyfriend and he's really amazing and supportive, but I struggle with intimacy. I honestly feel so bad for not being able to intimate with him, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to have sex with him even though I'm scared and don't really want to. He's really understanding and has never pressured me, but for some reason I feel like I need to do that for him. I hope that joining After Silence will help, and if anyone has any tips or advice that would be super helpful

[missfrier]

Dear hufflepuff

I'd like to welcome you to After Silence! 

I am sorry for what has brought you here, but I am glad you have   found us. It has really helped me to be here and I do not feel as if I am alone.  Everyone is so supportive!  Well done for reaching out to us.  I am sure that was difficult.  Please know that you can say as  much or as little as you want to.  You will never be alone in this journey...we are all behind you!

You will soon receive an official welcome message in your inbox.  Please don't hesitate to respond to that PM if you have any questions.  We are here to help!

Take care - I am sending safe hugs!!! 

[Poppy_]

Hi, @Hufflepuff03 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of the terrible things you've had to endure. Just know that it wasn't your fault and nothing you said or did could've stopped him from hurting you the way he did. I can understand that therapy may not have been the best option for you, and that's totally okay. You can always revisit the idea when/if you're ready to do that. I know intimacy can be scary - even when it's with the right person. I personally haven't experienced this as I haven't been in an intimate relationship since my assault, but I know it can be triggering and uncomfortable to try that again following abuse. My best advice would be to practice grounding techniques whenever you can and make sure your partner knows if you feel you can't do that with them. 

I don't know if this was helpful, but I want you to know that your voice is heard and you are not alone. You have joined a wonderful community with people of all different backgrounds with different experiences that can probably help you more than I am able to. Just don't stop reaching out - we're here for you   

If you need anything at all, please reach out to me any time! I'm here for ya. 

Best wishes,
Poppy 

[WannaMoveOn]

1 hour ago, Hufflepuff03 said:

I was sexually groomed and assaulted for about  a year when I was 15/16 by a grown man. I still have trouble with not blaming myself because I feel that if I were smarter or stronger or said no more times that maybe it wouldn't have happened. I saw a therapist for a bit after, but I feel that it didn't help much. I still have a lot trouble sleeping and some very unpleasant flashbacks. I have a current boyfriend and he's really amazing and supportive, but I struggle with intimacy. I honestly feel so bad for not being able to intimate with him, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to have sex with him even though I'm scared and don't really want to. He's really understanding and has never pressured me, but for some reason I feel like I need to do that for him. I hope that joining After Silence will help, and if anyone has any tips or advice that would be super helpful

Hello Hufflepuff03 and welcome to After Silence! I am Wanna 

I am deeply and sincerely sorry for your trauma. This was not your fault. You have no shame in this, please know that we believe you. 

Especially during our adolescents, we form our picture of what intimacy is supposed to be like. You should have learned first hand, that you have the right to your own body and deserve to be safe and respected. When somebody takes advantages, we might sadly carry the patterns of that experience with us in new relationships.

I am very glad to hear, that you find your partner supportive. You deserve every bit of that. If you still feel pressure when it comes to intimacy, it can be a great idea to get into counselling. It takes time to heal, and to comprehend. Manipulation and domination are difficult subjects to figure out on your own. Professional help can make you understand your trauma on a whole new level. 

It is a journey, but we are here for every step on the way. Good days, bad days and anything between. You can DM any time. 

Wishing you the very best

- Wanna ☀️ 

 

[Finchy]

2 hours ago, Hufflepuff03 said:

I was sexually groomed and assaulted for about  a year when I was 15/16 by a grown man. I still have trouble with not blaming myself because I feel that if I were smarter or stronger or said no more times that maybe it wouldn't have happened. I saw a therapist for a bit after, but I feel that it didn't help much. I still have a lot trouble sleeping and some very unpleasant flashbacks. I have a current boyfriend and he's really amazing and supportive, but I struggle with intimacy. I honestly feel so bad for not being able to intimate with him, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to have sex with him even though I'm scared and don't really want to. He's really understanding and has never pressured me, but for some reason I feel like I need to do that for him. I hope that joining After Silence will help, and if anyone has any tips or advice that would be super helpful

Hello, Hufflepuff! Welcome to AS! 

I'm sorry about what you went through. You did not deserve that, and you were not at fault. You did what you could, and while I understand it's hard not to blame yourself, I hope that someday you'll understand fully that what you did was not your fault at all. The fact that you said no at all shows you were strong. The fact that you had to endure what you did and yet you're still here proves that you are strong. You're strong and smart, and you didn't deserve what happened to you.

I wish you all the best. Take care!

-Finch

[Hufflepuff03]

3 hours ago, Poppy_ said:

Hi, @Hufflepuff03 - 

Welcome to After Silence! I'm so sorry to hear of the terrible things you've had to endure. Just know that it wasn't your fault and nothing you said or did could've stopped him from hurting you the way he did. I can understand that therapy may not have been the best option for you, and that's totally okay. You can always revisit the idea when/if you're ready to do that. I know intimacy can be scary - even when it's with the right person. I personally haven't experienced this as I haven't been in an intimate relationship since my assault, but I know it can be triggering and uncomfortable to try that again following abuse. My best advice would be to practice grounding techniques whenever you can and make sure your partner knows if you feel you can't do that with them. 

I don't know if this was helpful, but I want you to know that your voice is heard and you are not alone. You have joined a wonderful community with people of all different backgrounds with different experiences that can probably help you more than I am able to. Just don't stop reaching out - we're here for you   

If you need anything at all, please reach out to me any time! I'm here for ya. 

Best wishes,
Poppy 

 

2 hours ago, WannaMoveOn said:

Hello Hufflepuff03 and welcome to After Silence! I am Wanna 

I am deeply and sincerely sorry for your trauma. This was not your fault. You have no shame in this, please know that we believe you. 

Especially during our adolescents, we form our picture of what intimacy is supposed to be like. You should have learned first hand, that you have the right to your own body and deserve to be safe and respected. When somebody takes advantages, we might sadly carry the patterns of that experience with us in new relationships.

I am very glad to hear, that you find your partner supportive. You deserve every bit of that. If you still feel pressure when it comes to intimacy, it can be a great idea to get into counselling. It takes time to heal, and to comprehend. Manipulation and domination are difficult subjects to figure out on your own. Professional help can make you understand your trauma on a whole new level. 

It is a journey, but we are here for every step on the way. Good days, bad days and anything between. You can DM any time. 

Wishing you the very best

- Wanna ☀️ 

 

 

1 hour ago, mini.finch said:

Hello, Hufflepuff! Welcome to AS! 

I'm sorry about what you went through. You did not deserve that, and you were not at fault. You did what you could, and while I understand it's hard not to blame yourself, I hope that someday you'll understand fully that what you did was not your fault at all. The fact that you said no at all shows you were strong. The fact that you had to endure what you did and yet you're still here proves that you are strong. You're strong and smart, and you didn't deserve what happened to you.

I wish you all the best. Take care!

-Finch

Thank you all so much for the support and reassurance!!! ❤️

[MeBeMary]

7 hours ago, Hufflepuff03 said:

I was sexually groomed and assaulted for about  a year when I was 15/16 by a grown man. I still have trouble with not blaming myself because I feel that if I were smarter or stronger or said no more times that maybe it wouldn't have happened. I saw a therapist for a bit after, but I feel that it didn't help much. I still have a lot trouble sleeping and some very unpleasant flashbacks. I have a current boyfriend and he's really amazing and supportive, but I struggle with intimacy. I honestly feel so bad for not being able to intimate with him, and I put a lot of pressure on myself to have sex with him even though I'm scared and don't really want to. He's really understanding and has never pressured me, but for some reason I feel like I need to do that for him. I hope that joining After Silence will help, and if anyone has any tips or advice that would be super helpful

Hello Hufflepuff,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for what happened to you as a teenager. This was unfair and undeserved and tho I understand the self-blame, as we all truly go thru it at one time or another, it is very unwarranted. Someone hurt you and they had no right to. It was not asked for and as you were that young, that is an automatic no for a grown man. Adults often have difficulties with how to react, so how could someone your age? I do hope with support here you will come to believe this and put 100% of the blame where it belongs...to that manipulative, selfish creep.

I am glad you have found someone special and treats you well. Keep your communication going and take small steps, don't try to rush. There is no need to with someone supportive and understanding.

Feel free to look around the site. I wish you the best as you continue down the path of healing.

Mary

[8888]

Welcome @Hufflepuff03 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me.