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ToTheMaxima

New and Grateful to Be Here

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Hello, everyone! You can call me Max.

I'm here after a near-decade long journey of working through my trauma. It's been a difficult one, to be sure. It was only until I recently started therapy that I realized how much hurt I had been carrying that I didn't even know of. I didn't remember much of my trauma due to intense dissociation (I was around 12 at the time, so I didn't even understand what was happening). But what my mind forgot, my body remembered. It was only after therapy that I finally came to terms with what happened to me.

It's hard to admit, even now—seeing "survivor" next to my name is honestly so surreal. I feel like I don't even know myself or my body anymore. But I'm working through the healing process and getting used to loving myself all over again. I'm looking forward to beginning this journey of recovery. :)

While I am saddened that so many others have been burdened with trauma, I am so thankful that a website like this exists so that we can band together and heal alongside each other. You're all in my thoughts!

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@ToTheMaxima

Hello Max! I am Wanna :flowers: 

My warmest welcoming to you. 

It can take loads of time until realizing what has happened. Some survivors know straight away, others might need years. Finally knowing is painful, and processing can both feel difficult and complicated.

Important is, that you are aware that none of this is your fault and that you are not alone. I agree, the reason we all are here is saddening to say the least, but the opportunity to support another and relate is precious. 

I think you describe what we do here wonderfully! You are in my thoughts too. I am happy to hear, that you actively work on to love yourself.  

You own your story, and I encourage you to keep using your words. I am truly and deeply sorry for your pain and trauma. What you describe of dissociation, the feeling of disconnection to your self and body  and the situation feeling surreal, it all goes with I see other members post here on a frequent basis. It is sadly normal to feel that way after this kind of trauma, but you can heal :youcanheal: 

Have a look around this website and whenever you feel ready, you are invited to share.  :aswelcomesu:

Take care and all the best

- Wanna ☀️

Edited by WannaMoveOn

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Dear max

 

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

 

All my best,

missfrier

 

 

 

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@WannaMoveOn Thank you so much for the warm welcome! I feel so accepted and welcomed here, I'm so happy to have found such a pleasant group. :) It is unfortunate what circumstances have brought us together, but I am thankful for the healing we can now strive for together.

Thank you so much for your kind words. They really do mean a lot, that I'm not alone in all of this. I've been looking at some of the other forums, and it's been so comforting (and saddening) to know that there are others who are going through the same thing as I am. They all have my best wishes, and I hope to help others as much as they help me.

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@missfrier Thank you for your kind words! I have been browsing the forums today, and everyone seems so nice and understanding. I know it won't be easy, but I am ready to continue on the healing process along with everyone here. I already feel a little better knowing that there's a great support group here. :) 

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Welcome @ToTheMaxima to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  Take your time exploring and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

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9 hours ago, ToTheMaxima said:

Hello, everyone! You can call me Max.

I'm here after a near-decade long journey of working through my trauma. It's been a difficult one, to be sure. It was only until I recently started therapy that I realized how much hurt I had been carrying that I didn't even know of. I didn't remember much of my trauma due to intense dissociation (I was around 12 at the time, so I didn't even understand what was happening). But what my mind forgot, my body remembered. It was only after therapy that I finally came to terms with what happened to me.

It's hard to admit, even now—seeing "survivor" next to my name is honestly so surreal. I feel like I don't even know myself or my body anymore. But I'm working through the healing process and getting used to loving myself all over again. I'm looking forward to beginning this journey of recovery. :)

While I am saddened that so many others have been burdened with trauma, I am so thankful that a website like this exists so that we can band together and heal alongside each other. You're all in my thoughts!

Hi Max,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry for the trauma you've endured and the struggles you have faced. It was wrong and undeserved. It is amazing how much we can carry, without even really realizing it. The mind works in strange ways in which is supposedly trying to protect us, and I do think at the time, it does. Then somehow it knows it's time to face it. I know that is how it was for many years for me. I had struggles over the years...but the cause of it was denied to me, as it sounds it was for you. 

I am very glad you have found our community and do know you will find tons of support and validation here. It's a mix blessing to have a community like this, for sure, but it really can help. Take your time and look around. I wish you well on this journey.

Mary

:notalone:  

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Thank you so much for your sweet replies, @8888 and @MeBeMary , I really appreciate it. :) I am looking forward to healing, even though it will be hard. I look forward to exploring the forums, and wish you all the best on your journeys, as well!

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I relate so much to what you wrote. I’ve dissociated since I was young too, and it was my body that told me who my perpetrator (at least the first one) was. I feel like my body is not my own, but I also have deep faith in the healing process, and that one day I will know what it’s like to inhabit myself safely and securely. Thank you for sharing your story. It really is a gift to know what we experience isn’t isolated, and that we can move thru this pain in solidarity.

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@Vinsami I am deeply sorry for what happened to you and what lead you to come here. It's definitely a serious struggle processing through such pain, but the results of safely and happily inhabiting your own body again is certainly worth it. I am so thankful that we are able to support each other on our own journeys. Thank you for reaching out, you're not alone. :) 

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