New & Unsure

[Jeanie234]

Hello everyone! I rather have not had to meet so many wonderful people this way, but I’m glad there’s groups out here that are here to help. Saturday morning I was sexually assaulted by a person I considered a close friend for years. I can’t help but to put self blame on myself for being intoxicated- though I went to sleep alone that night so I thought I was safe. Anyways, the doctor said if she were me she would take the PEP pills for extra prevention, so here I am 3 days in. I feel like everytime I take them it brings back memories as to WHY- on top of all the other memories from that night. Has anybody else taken those pills? 

[WannaMoveOn]

Hello @Jeanie234 and welcome to After Silence, I am Wanna. 🌻

I am deeply sorry for your trauma. You are most welcomed to join in here to have After Silence supporting you through this. I have no experience with the pills, but I understand that taking them is a triggering experience on top of everything else you have to put up with right now. It is good that you start to reach out early, you are brave for doing that. 

Self blame is normal among survivors, as the situations often are complex leaving it easier to put the guilt on yourself. Having someone close letting you down like that does not make it easier, I am sorry someone you considered close would hurt you so bad. 

 Please know that none of this is your fault and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. This community offers you to share within what you feel comfortable with, and we discuss plenty of topics here. Nothing is too small or too big to be posted here. 

I hope you will find yourself a safe place here. If you would have any questions, need advice or to vent/chat, staff always has doors open.

Hope to see your around and take care of yourself 

- Wanna ☀️

Edited August 26, 2020 by WannaMoveOn

[missfrier]

Dear jeanie

I am sorry for all that you have been through.   You have been so brave in reaching out to us, please know that this is never easy!   We are all here for you and we want to support you.  You're not alone in your healing journey and are always welcome to lean on us for extra support.  You can post as much or as little as you like.  We are here to support you in the way you need.  I have found this community to be very helpful.  Everyone is so understanding and non-judgmental and I am hoping you feel the same way once you've gotten to know us a little.   

All my best,
missfrier

[8888]

Welcome @Jeanie234 to After Silence.  I’m sorry for what brought you here but I’m happy you are here reaching out for support.  Good job taking this step in your healing process.  You are not alone and what happened to you wasn’t your fault.  I have not taken those pills.  I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with that on top of everything else.  Take your time exploring here and post when you are ready.  If you have any questions feel free to message me. 

[MeBeMary]

Hi Jeanie,

Welcome to AfterSilence. I am very sorry you were hurt this past Saturday by someone that betrayed your trust. It is not your fault, not one bit. When someone decides to hurt another, it is totally on them. Intoxication also is not a free pass. Intoxication is an automatic no, and he did not seem to care for anything but what he wanted. I am sorry you were hurt. Do know this site is filled with understanding and kind members. You are not alone.

I have not taken the pills that you are. Hoping the time goes quickly and you will no longer need the pills. I know it's difficult, but be proud of yourself for taking proper self-care. It can be difficult to when it reminds us of the trauma we endured. Your health is important tho. So good for you for following your doctor's directive.

I am glad you decided to reach out. It is a big step and hopefully one of many as you begin this journey we call healing.

Mary

 

[Capulet]

Hello Jeanie!

Welcome to After Silence.  I'm sorry to learn of the circumstances that have led you to our community, but do hope that being here is helpful in clarifying some things for you.  It seems we're on a constant quest for answers and I do hope that hearing from others who have been or are currently in the same boat will help guide you into the direction of healing!!

Personally, I don't know anything about those pills.  I agree with Mary - it's a notably huge step when we focus on our self-care amid all the other intrusive and unpleasant thoughts that are likely rushing through your mind right now - good for you on taking action to ensure that your physical health is a priority.  The rest will follow suit!

How are you doing today?

Sending warmth and healing vibes,

Cap

[Jeanie234]

Thank you all for your words of acceptance, positivity, and hope! I am doing alright today. Some times during the day are better then others. Sometimes I get angry, then I tend to blame myself or find ways of how the situation could have been avoided, but then I remind myself that it was a shitty person that did it to me and if that person didn’t see the opportunity to be shitty then it wouldn’t have happened. So I do struggle at times with that and just have flashbacks, memories, etc. I am thankful that I have a cpl close friends that I disclosed to and realized that one of the people who I thought was a close friend since, hasn’t reached out so that’s frustrating. Not like I expect it but it just shows genuine concern. How is everyone else doing?